Feel like such a crap Mum

porkypig · Sep 28th, 2010, 07:21 AM

I'm not looking for people to say that i'm not, just need to vent.

I'm so fed up at the mo and feel unable to cope. I've been dealing with vertigo for over a year now and i think the fact that im so tired and' stressed out is not making it go away.

my lo has never been a 'good' baby in that he was a terrible sleeper from day 1 and even now walkes up at 4 every morn. aside from this im struggling as i cant even go to the loo with him screaming the house down as he hates his play pen. he doesnt really nap and he fights it even though hes so tired. im so stressed and keep having palpitations anf feel tight chested; im really not coping. ive got my mum and mum-inlaw who only live 5 mins drive away and are very supportive but if i bring him round there, its not sorting the problem out as they will hold him, play with him all day and pander to his every whim, so not really helping me in the long run. im at my wits end, please tell me it gets better?

surely not all kids are like this, hes seriously put me off havibg another one. i hate who ive become xx

adzuki · Sep 28th, 2010, 08:22 AM

UGH!!! You poor thing!!! Huge hugs!!!

I know here we have "sleep consultants" that help us train our LO's how to sleep. I know quite a few moms who have gone down that route out of desperation, and it has worked wonders for them. Maybe once you all are sleeping again, you'll feel better and be able to cope better?

Maybe you just have a "grumpy toddler" (from the baby whisperer book) - it could be a temperament thing, in which case maybe there are techniques you could use to help him calm himself?

Sorry I'm not much help!!!

A

Mum2b_Claire · Sep 28th, 2010, 10:07 AM

Some babies / children are just more high needs than others. He is probably a very bright little boy who is frustrated by all the things that he wants to do but can't yet.

I always take Ruby to the toilet with me and shower when she is napping. She whinges while I cook a lot of the time but I spend time batch cooking and freezing at weekends so there is less prep to do on the day. My house is generally a lower standard of cleanliness than I would ideally like but it won't be forever. So basically I don't fight it when Ruby doesn't want to play on her own etc.

At the moment she is teething and frustrated about not being able to walk yet so it's been hard going this last few days.

You're not a crap mum because you care enough to write this. A crap mum would be like, 'tough, he's crying, I don't care'. Sometimes when you're doing all you can to amuse LO they still get upset and frustrated, you can only do your best!

Maybe a trip to the Drs in order to check you are getting all the help you can for your vertigo and stress.

Lucy_lu_84 · Sep 28th, 2010, 11:45 AM

Lo comes to the toilet with me to and I bath when he's in bed or dh is around otherwise he screams unless he can come in with me.

Like mum2 Claire I don't worry about the house, if he's not happy I'll play with him.. And do house later.

Not really got any advise but I do find on days that my lo is being' grumpy' he's happier if we go out. Doesn't even have to be anywhere special sometimes a walk is enough.. Think he likes a change of scenery.

*hugs* xx

porkypig · Sep 28th, 2010, 12:09 PM

thanks everyone, its so hard being a mum on top of evrything else isnt it? xxx

golcarlilly · Sep 28th, 2010, 14:00 PM

My mum suffered from vertigo for a long time (more than 6 months I think) and said !t was horrible,must be awful having to cope with it along with dealing with a demanding toddler

Myles has always been clingy and very demanding and as Mum2beclaire says I put it down to high intelligence level as M is very advanced for his age (not bragging just explaining

) I also have to take him to the loo with me as otherwise he screams the house down and he HATES me doing anything (cooking, cleaning, doing my hair etc...) that doesn't involve him, I really really hope that he soon grows out of it as I find it very claustrophobic but I love him so much i try to cope with it the best I can as you obviously do, you are a fab mummy to be concerned about him so don't worry and know that you are not alone ! sending you big

and if you wanna chat I am here

Racheldigger · Sep 28th, 2010, 15:21 PM

You are certainly not alone - your LO sounds just like my baby brother!

Ratty · Sep 29th, 2010, 02:59 AM

If both of you aren't getting enough good quality sleep, then that will makes things double hard for you cause you are tired and now have to deal with a tired toddler.
I think the first thing would be to try get some help with the sleeping if possible.

It certainly is a lot harder than I ever expected. I honestly can't imagine how people cope with a toddler and a baby. I struggle enough with just a toddler and my boy is pretty good.

Hope you feel better soon!!! I think things eventually do get easier so their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Miss_d · Sep 29th, 2010, 03:04 AM

you know and i know how hard vertigo is, weve both been struggling

do you feel its not gettin any better? i understand its hard doing day to day things with it, my lifes ruled by it

and it must be harder on you if your LO isnt sleeping great at all, could your mum or mil not help out and take him for a few hrs to let you have some you time? vertigo itself is very draining

Laura2919 · Sep 29th, 2010, 03:35 AM

Firstly my mum suffered from Vertigo and it was horrible for her. She would feel dizzy just walking down the stairs and used to just have dizzy spells if she stood up or sat down to quick! They prescribed her some tablets to take for a month and they worked. Do you take anything?
Secondly we all struggle and its normal hun, dont think your a bad mum! My girls sometimes still wake in the night no matter what I try but now I just dont bother going to bed expecting a full night and if I get one then great and if I dont oh well! Lol. Even sometimes though its hard! Have you tried adjusting his afternoon naps? I wont let the twins sleep for more than an hr or I am up at the crack of dawn everyday! Now they dont wake til around 7am!

Sep 28th, 2010, 07:21 AM	#1
porkypig Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 4,645	Feel like such a crap Mum I'm not looking for people to say that i'm not, just need to vent. I'm so fed up at the mo and feel unable to cope. I've been dealing with vertigo for over a year now and i think the fact that im so tired and' stressed out is not making it go away. my lo has never been a 'good' baby in that he was a terrible sleeper from day 1 and even now walkes up at 4 every morn. aside from this im struggling as i cant even go to the loo with him screaming the house down as he hates his play pen. he doesnt really nap and he fights it even though hes so tired. im so stressed and keep having palpitations anf feel tight chested; im really not coping. ive got my mum and mum-inlaw who only live 5 mins drive away and are very supportive but if i bring him round there, its not sorting the problem out as they will hold him, play with him all day and pander to his every whim, so not really helping me in the long run. im at my wits end, please tell me it gets better? surely not all kids are like this, hes seriously put me off havibg another one. i hate who ive become xx

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Sep 28th, 2010, 08:22 AM	#2
adzuki Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Vancouver. BC Posts: 5,154	UGH!!! You poor thing!!! Huge hugs!!! I know here we have "sleep consultants" that help us train our LO's how to sleep. I know quite a few moms who have gone down that route out of desperation, and it has worked wonders for them. Maybe once you all are sleeping again, you'll feel better and be able to cope better? Maybe you just have a "grumpy toddler" (from the baby whisperer book) - it could be a temperament thing, in which case maybe there are techniques you could use to help him calm himself? Sorry I'm not much help!!! A

Status: Offline

Sep 28th, 2010, 10:07 AM	#3
Mum2b_Claire Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Kent Posts: 16,777	Some babies / children are just more high needs than others. He is probably a very bright little boy who is frustrated by all the things that he wants to do but can't yet. I always take Ruby to the toilet with me and shower when she is napping. She whinges while I cook a lot of the time but I spend time batch cooking and freezing at weekends so there is less prep to do on the day. My house is generally a lower standard of cleanliness than I would ideally like but it won't be forever. So basically I don't fight it when Ruby doesn't want to play on her own etc. At the moment she is teething and frustrated about not being able to walk yet so it's been hard going this last few days. You're not a crap mum because you care enough to write this. A crap mum would be like, 'tough, he's crying, I don't care'. Sometimes when you're doing all you can to amuse LO they still get upset and frustrated, you can only do your best! Maybe a trip to the Drs in order to check you are getting all the help you can for your vertigo and stress.

Status: Offline

Sep 28th, 2010, 11:45 AM	#4
Lucy_lu_84 Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Rugby Posts: 3,630	Lo comes to the toilet with me to and I bath when he's in bed or dh is around otherwise he screams unless he can come in with me. Like mum2 Claire I don't worry about the house, if he's not happy I'll play with him.. And do house later. Not really got any advise but I do find on days that my lo is being' grumpy' he's happier if we go out. Doesn't even have to be anywhere special sometimes a walk is enough.. Think he likes a change of scenery. hugs xx

Status: Offline

Sep 28th, 2010, 12:09 PM	#5
porkypig Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 4,645	thanks everyone, its so hard being a mum on top of evrything else isnt it? xxx

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Sep 28th, 2010, 14:00 PM	#6
golcarlilly Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Bolton Posts: 10,425	My mum suffered from vertigo for a long time (more than 6 months I think) and said !t was horrible,must be awful having to cope with it along with dealing with a demanding toddler Myles has always been clingy and very demanding and as Mum2beclaire says I put it down to high intelligence level as M is very advanced for his age (not bragging just explaining ) I also have to take him to the loo with me as otherwise he screams the house down and he HATES me doing anything (cooking, cleaning, doing my hair etc...) that doesn't involve him, I really really hope that he soon grows out of it as I find it very claustrophobic but I love him so much i try to cope with it the best I can as you obviously do, you are a fab mummy to be concerned about him so don't worry and know that you are not alone ! sending you big and if you wanna chat I am here

Status: Offline

Sep 28th, 2010, 15:21 PM	#7
Racheldigger Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Darkest Lincolnshire Posts: 1,248	You are certainly not alone - your LO sounds just like my baby brother!

Status: Offline

Sep 29th, 2010, 02:59 AM	#8
Ratty Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,033	If both of you aren't getting enough good quality sleep, then that will makes things double hard for you cause you are tired and now have to deal with a tired toddler. I think the first thing would be to try get some help with the sleeping if possible. It certainly is a lot harder than I ever expected. I honestly can't imagine how people cope with a toddler and a baby. I struggle enough with just a toddler and my boy is pretty good. Hope you feel better soon!!! I think things eventually do get easier so their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Status: Offline

Sep 29th, 2010, 03:04 AM	#9
Miss_d Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,580	you know and i know how hard vertigo is, weve both been struggling do you feel its not gettin any better? i understand its hard doing day to day things with it, my lifes ruled by it and it must be harder on you if your LO isnt sleeping great at all, could your mum or mil not help out and take him for a few hrs to let you have some you time? vertigo itself is very draining

Status: Offline

Sep 29th, 2010, 03:35 AM	#10
Laura2919 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 15,770	Firstly my mum suffered from Vertigo and it was horrible for her. She would feel dizzy just walking down the stairs and used to just have dizzy spells if she stood up or sat down to quick! They prescribed her some tablets to take for a month and they worked. Do you take anything? Secondly we all struggle and its normal hun, dont think your a bad mum! My girls sometimes still wake in the night no matter what I try but now I just dont bother going to bed expecting a full night and if I get one then great and if I dont oh well! Lol. Even sometimes though its hard! Have you tried adjusting his afternoon naps? I wont let the twins sleep for more than an hr or I am up at the crack of dawn everyday! Now they dont wake til around 7am!

Status: Offline

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