I'm a horrible person...

jaybee · May 28th, 2011, 05:30 AM

I have the opportunity to meet up with a potential new friend sometime very soon. However I am terrified as she has a disabled son ( I don't know the specifics yet, but I know it is both physical and mental). I have lead a 'sheltered' life in that I have never had the chance to meet many disabled people.
I don't know how to act, what to say. Do i ask questions? ignore it?
I know I sound ignorant but that is why I am asking!!
Please help.
x

XfairyhopesX · May 28th, 2011, 05:54 AM

Not ignarant AT ALL angel id feel exactly the same, i know may be difficult but maybe try to find out the exact disabilty and read up seo you can ask things without feeling silly. If not im sure she is more than used to qestions and wont mind talking openly!
I went to deliver xmas prezzies with a collegue at work one day and opened the office door of a customer only to find him in a wheelchair... was a complete shock and i wish i had known before so i felt comfortable asking things, i felt dreadful after as i wasnt sure if i actually LOOKED SUPRISED too xx

chubbin · May 28th, 2011, 06:59 AM

Aw, bless you for your honesty. I expect many of us would feel a bit anxious! I would advise on not 'ignoring it', and instead ask questions. This will demystify the whole issue for you, and in turn help you to enjoy the experience of meeting your friend and her son

The first part of overcoming prejudice is admitting to it, which is basically what you have done. Well done, your friend is lucky to have a friend like you

xx

Tegans Mama · May 28th, 2011, 07:06 AM

Ask away

As the parent of a disabled child, I find it more insulting if people look away. Asking doesn't hurt

hardworknmama · May 28th, 2011, 12:43 PM

i would definitely ask questions, and ask not just for you but for your child as well. Your child is going to ask questions as that's thier nature so you need to have the information to be able to answer them. What better way to do that than to ask them together. I am sure that the meeting will go well and hopefully both of you will make some life long friends.

Mommy_Moose · May 28th, 2011, 12:52 PM

You're not a horrible person! My nephew was severely disabled. Of course you won't be able to ignore it, but you can speak to them like anybody- they just may or may not be able to respond to you like anybody.

jaybee · May 28th, 2011, 12:57 PM

Thanks everyone, so appreciate the comments. I was thinking the ignoring thing was very much the worng way to go!!!
I am going to try and meet up next week I think, then see how it goes.

**AtomicPink** · May 28th, 2011, 13:39 PM

totally ask hun

you're showing an interest

Stargazer77 · May 28th, 2011, 13:41 PM

The child with the disability is first and foremost - a child.

Treat him/her exactly as you would any other child and you will get along just fine

Seraphim · May 28th, 2011, 13:50 PM

It might be easier to just say 'I don't know anything about... her-sons-name / the name of his disability' - that way you don't feel like you're saying the wrong thing and she can offer as much information as she wants. Even with the same person it can vary from day to day how much they feel like talking about it. Kids are all amazing, I hope you have a lovely time

May 28th, 2011, 05:30 AM	#1
jaybee Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Wiltshire/ Somerset Border. Posts: 4,408	I'm a horrible person... I have the opportunity to meet up with a potential new friend sometime very soon. However I am terrified as she has a disabled son ( I don't know the specifics yet, but I know it is both physical and mental). I have lead a 'sheltered' life in that I have never had the chance to meet many disabled people. I don't know how to act, what to say. Do i ask questions? ignore it? I know I sound ignorant but that is why I am asking!! Please help. x

Status: Online

May 28th, 2011, 05:54 AM	#2
XfairyhopesX AutoSignup (SAAB) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Nottingham Posts: 2,405	Not ignarant AT ALL angel id feel exactly the same, i know may be difficult but maybe try to find out the exact disabilty and read up seo you can ask things without feeling silly. If not im sure she is more than used to qestions and wont mind talking openly! I went to deliver xmas prezzies with a collegue at work one day and opened the office door of a customer only to find him in a wheelchair... was a complete shock and i wish i had known before so i felt comfortable asking things, i felt dreadful after as i wasnt sure if i actually LOOKED SUPRISED too xx

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May 28th, 2011, 06:59 AM	#3
chubbin Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South west england Posts: 1,528	Aw, bless you for your honesty. I expect many of us would feel a bit anxious! I would advise on not 'ignoring it', and instead ask questions. This will demystify the whole issue for you, and in turn help you to enjoy the experience of meeting your friend and her son The first part of overcoming prejudice is admitting to it, which is basically what you have done. Well done, your friend is lucky to have a friend like you xx

Status: Offline

May 28th, 2011, 07:06 AM	#4
Tegans Mama Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Sunny Derbyshire Posts: 16,339	Ask away As the parent of a disabled child, I find it more insulting if people look away. Asking doesn't hurt

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May 28th, 2011, 12:43 PM	#5
hardworknmama Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Kansas Posts: 1,582	i would definitely ask questions, and ask not just for you but for your child as well. Your child is going to ask questions as that's thier nature so you need to have the information to be able to answer them. What better way to do that than to ask them together. I am sure that the meeting will go well and hopefully both of you will make some life long friends.

Status: Offline

May 28th, 2011, 12:52 PM	#6
Mommy_Moose Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 540	You're not a horrible person! My nephew was severely disabled. Of course you won't be able to ignore it, but you can speak to them like anybody- they just may or may not be able to respond to you like anybody.

Status: Offline

May 28th, 2011, 12:57 PM	#7
jaybee Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Wiltshire/ Somerset Border. Posts: 4,408	Thanks everyone, so appreciate the comments. I was thinking the ignoring thing was very much the worng way to go!!! I am going to try and meet up next week I think, then see how it goes.

Status: Online

May 28th, 2011, 13:39 PM	#8
AtomicPink Mum (Mom) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 27,392	totally ask hun you're showing an interest

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May 28th, 2011, 13:41 PM	#9
Stargazer77 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 696	The child with the disability is first and foremost - a child. Treat him/her exactly as you would any other child and you will get along just fine

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May 28th, 2011, 13:50 PM	#10
Seraphim Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Dartmoor, Devon Posts: 7,708	It might be easier to just say 'I don't know anything about... her-sons-name / the name of his disability' - that way you don't feel like you're saying the wrong thing and she can offer as much information as she wants. Even with the same person it can vary from day to day how much they feel like talking about it. Kids are all amazing, I hope you have a lovely time

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