We live in Bulgaria, which is a pretty poor place (although some people have LOTS of money, it's generally poor). The family who live opposite us are living well below the poverty line. They don't have any running water even, and wash with buckets of water from the well even in the -10 cold of winter! They have at least 3 generations living in the house and tbh there are so many people in there I can't quite figure out who everyone is, but there are two little boys who are about 4. They might be cousins, or might be brothers close in age.

Anyway, my kids are 2 and 5. Mine play in our garden and play by the gate, which is kept locked. The imps opposite play in the street, and frequently in the bins. I know they go through the bins and take stuff out that I've thrown away, because sometimes I see old toys or clothes re-appear in the bins a few months after I've thrown them out! So you can imagine how grubby these kids are!

Today a friend was babysitting for me, and she phoned me to say that the kids were playing with each other by the gate (which they often do, each on their own side) but she wanted to know if she should ask them in! I say NO! But then I felt really awful and guilty. I mean it's not their fault that they are poor. I like to think I'm an open-minded person and think it's important to meet people from all walks of life, so I should invite them in, shouldn't I? But it just feels err a bit weird to do that, ifgywim.

Anyway, would appreciate the thoughts of you lovely wise ladies! What would you do?

You have to do what you feel comfortable with.

That's the probably though - I'm not comfortable with either decision!

can i ask what are you worried about if you let them in? that they'll break something? steal? hurt one of your children?

I think if i were in your place i would let them in one day and let them play in the garden and keep a very close eye on them to see how they behaviour, more to see if they are too rough with your kids then anything else.

cant really judge them for something they havent done otherwise.

good luck though cant be an easy decision!

i just want to add that even though they are really poor, you have a chance to offer those unfortunate kids a chance to do so much more, like play with toys they'd otherwise only dream of and give them clean hand me down clothes your done with rather then have them go through your trash.

WSS . It kinda scares me to think that the children play together but on their ''own'' side of the fence. Just because they are poor does not mean they cant be real friends I'd open up and see how they get on

I agree with what others have said, perhaps if you are getting rid of any old things you can offer it to them rather than throw it out.

As for them playing together, why not, obviously could be difficult to stop if there was some reason to need to though, but its good for children to experience people from all walks of life, just keep an eye out.

Thanks girls. Yeah I totally agree about giving the our used toys etc. We have only lived here 1 year and this happened just after Xmas when I chucked a load of broken stuff out to make room for the new ones from Santa. I honestly had no idea that someone would want the crap I chucked out - but they took it. We don't have a lot of toys ourselves so I haven't thrown anything out for a while, but next time I will definitely offer it to them. Although I have to admit I'm a bit nervous of doing that because I don't want to embarrass them. I mean, they don't know that I know they took my trash (still with me lol?!)

What I am worried about? That's a good question. I'm worried that because they don't wash that they might have something nasty e.g. nits or fleas (they play with a stray dog and a bunch of flea-ridden kittens). My daughter already got a bout of worms a few months ago because she constantly puts her fingers in her mouth - it's a nightmare trying to keep her gut clean lol. Of course I don't know whether they have fleas, nits or worms, and I am totally being pre-judgmental, but then they don't have running water and they keep strays

I'm not afraid that they would steal/hurt my kids. As for breaking something well yes, but that goes for all kids, including my own! It's mainly the health thing. Am I being unreasonable?

i know it sounds awful, but no i wouldnt invite them in.

dunno why, i just wouldnt !!

Poor souls. I can understand you being apprehensive but one of the great things about young kids is that they don't judge each other the way we do as adults. They make friendships with people they like, not those who have the best 'stuff' and often don't even notice if someone is obviously poor/ has very little materially. They may not have much but that is not to say that your kids and them would not end up playing well together.

they dont know that YOU know they took toys out the trash...true. but they dont need to know that you know either. it would just be nice to ask them if they want the toys before you throw them out.

as for fleas and such, honestly nits happen, they'll get them in school. fleas dont survive on humans, they can be carried on them for a short while but they tend to live in carpets and preferably on animals, so your kids are more likely to ge them from playing with the stray animals.