Hi just found this forum, we have a 2 week old baby boy that my wife is breastfeeding, I currently sleep in the spare room as I work long shifts, she has started letting the baby sleep in bed with her which I warned her about the risks, this morning I went into the bedroom and she was in bed asleep and the baby was asleep completely covered by the duvet! She doesn't seem to understand the risks and said its fine, could someone clarify for me that this is not a good idea, thanks

Cosleeping when done properly is perfectly safe along as you follow some basic rules.

Don't cosleep if you smoke, have been drinking or take medication that makes you sleepy.

Baby should be on the mothers side, not Inbetween both parents.

Baby should be away from any duvets or pillows and shouldn't be under the duvet at all.

Well there are HUGE benefits to co-sleeping, especially when breast feeding, i'm sure the co-sleep ladies on here will fill you in as i didn't co-sleep with Freya.

Yes there are risks, especially with a duvet, maybe you just need to give your wife information on how to co-sleep safely?

Also i know how hard it is when your husband kind of takes a back seat on the night time feedings, i know you said your wife breast feeds so there's not much you could do anyway but sometimes it would have been nice to have my DH awake with me occasionally for support, it's hard work waking every 2 - 4 hours for an hour feeding when you're sleep deprived and alone, so maybe go easy on her?

Thanks, I do sleep in bed with her at weekends but work 12 hour shifts in day, if she bottle Fed I would like to help, I don't enjoy sleeping in spare room on sofa bed either lol,

Unfortunately I work all day in week and do my bit when home to take pressure off her, but tbh their is only so much I can do at the minute, she gave up pumping milk for him after the first day

Co sleeping is very safe if done properly as others have said and it actualy helps breastfeeding and will help maintain her milk supply if she feeds on demand which she is doing

My advice would be no duvets and pillows AT ALL in the bed. They can be so very dangerous to a tiny baby.

Make sure your son is placed on his back up by the head of the bed and that he cannot roll off and get stuck between the mattress and the wall and not next to a radiator.

Have a blanket for mum and yourself (2 separate ones if possible) and a blanket for your son

Have a look here for more info on sharing your bed with your baby http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

Regarding breastfeeding and pumping its unlikely for her to be able to pump so soon anyway. It can take up to 6 weeks (sometimes longer) for her milk supply to be properly established and even then some mums can't pump much milk. I could hardly pump a few ounces

If you feel you are missing out on feeding him as she is BF there are other wonderful ways a father can bond with his child.

Change nappys, get him dressed, rock him, wear him (in a baby sling) have a bath together and have lots of skin to skin contact

It's fine for her to co-sleep, especially as she is breastfeeding as she will be more in tune that her baby is there, its a natural thing.

However - the duvet thing is a massive NO NO and thats not safe co-sleeping.

Excellent post.

Also, regarding pumping. I pumped milk for four months. It took two weeks before i didnt have to supplement with formula as i couldnt get enough out.

Also, you work 12hrs, so does she and some. It is hard but you will get through this. Right now, i am sure you are all knackered and cant think straight. You WILL get through this.

Lastly, be nice to each other

My husband and i have never slept with our daughter. I was always afraid to do it and she has slept in her crib since day 1. I always thought that i wouldnt be able to sleep because the thought that our tiny baby is in our bed and can fall out or get pushed or something. Now shes 17 months and knows when the lights turn out and shes in her crib its bed time. I believe because of previous experience with my stepdaughter that if i let my child sleep with me, one day itll be difficult on them to sleep by themselves and itll take lots of work. My theory is mommy and daddy sleep together and kids in their beds in their rooms
It sounds really nice to be able to cuddle your LO all night and might be convinient if breastfeeding but I do what I THINK is best for my child and for his/her future and developments.
My parents slept with me for a very long time and one day when they put me in my own room i was screaming and crying and it took a long time to adjust.

in contrast to the previous post ive found that "getting lyss out of my bed" has been easy, she now sleeps in her bed 99.9 percent of the time- only when she's teething or ill and needs that extra security does she co sleep. and will all due respect the "i do what's best for my child" part of your post is very offensive- perhaps qualifying that with a "i do what i feel is best for my child" would be more appropriate, as that's all any of us can do


all the advice above on safe co sleeping is great