Close this please, i dont know how to request it otherwise i would! - Page 5

Momma.Bear · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by minkymoo

Mommabear - my advice is to get some sleep and come back to this thread tomorrow hun.

You're clearly still very upset about this (understandably so) and are taking other's opinions the wrong way (because you're angry). You did ask what others would do but are becoming further annoyed with anyone who says something you don't want to hear/disagrees with you.

I'm not getting annoyed, I'm explaining why it is that I've chosen NOT to have him here.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I'm expressing why I've got the one I've got.
I can completely understand where most of the ladies are coming from, but at the same time, they aren't the one's who have dealt with the issues with SS thus far. That's why I'm trying to explain everything fully, I didn't feel the need to write an essay during my question, but to clarify things, i might.

Gingerspice · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:20 PM

Please don't think I was criticising how much time he does get with his dad, or making any judgement on what they do do or how much time is available. I was asking to try to see if there was some way to allow a boy who seems to be crying out for help, the help of the person that maybe he is crying out for. I know split families situations are tough for children to understand, and despite rulings made by courts and agreements set in place by adults over how much time each should get; these are uncomprehesible to children and if he actually wants more time with Daddy then maybe the attention seeking is to try to get it (being a child he just doesnt nderstand that it isn't and spit families do have restraints and limitations in place that no matter how much bad behaviour thrown about can be changed)

Baby France · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:21 PM

I understand that you are angry.

But you are getting really defensive with us and are currently refusing to seemingly accept any sort of 'support' for him or ideas that people give.

This boy is only 8. He DESERVES time with his father.

I can see and completely and utterly understand every single one of your concerns. Hell I would be just as furious as you.

He has issues. That is obvious, but in my opinion you are only going to contribute to his issues further by refusing to accept him into your home and family. That will effectively wipe out his 'safety' net.

There are ways and means so that you ensure your daughter is not subjected to some of his inappropriate behaviour again. But I think a blanket ban on your part is unfair. Unfair on your step son and unfair on your OH who, no doubt will probably be frantic with worry about whats happening with his son!!

Aidan's Mummy · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:21 PM

I can completely understand this is hard for you hun, I just don't want his behaviour to be worsened etc x

Momma.Bear · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lepaskilf

At the end of the day he's your OH's son, not yours!

He's already proved he can't be trusted and yes he obviously does need help and by the sounds of it he's getting it but he's your OH's responsibility, not yours!

You have 2 children who need protecting, and if he is jepodising that then you are right to ban him from your home, you are not banning him from seeing his OH, just from YOUR children's safe place!

Thank you.

Just to clarify though, I only have one LO. I'm not sure where the two LO's thing came from?

minkymoo · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma.Bear

Quote:

Originally Posted by minkymoo

Mommabear - my advice is to get some sleep and come back to this thread tomorrow hun.

You're clearly still very upset about this (understandably so) and are taking other's opinions the wrong way (because you're angry). You did ask what others would do but are becoming further annoyed with anyone who says something you don't want to hear/disagrees with you.

I'm not getting annoyed, I'm explaining why it is that I've chosen NOT to have him here.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I'm expressing why I've got the one I've got.
I can completely understand where most of the ladies are coming from, but at the same time, they aren't the one's who have dealt with the issues with SS thus far. That's why I'm trying to explain everything fully, I didn't feel the need to write an essay during my question, but to clarify things, i might.

Er, ok.

What does your OH have to say about him being banned?

Momma.Bear · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:23 PM

Just to clarify, there is not once that I said my OH couldn't see his son. Not once did i state the ban was from my SS seeing his father, only coming to my home.
I'm stating his son is not welcome in MY home. My OH can take his son to his parents house or elseware.

lepaskilf · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma.Bear

Quote:

Originally Posted by lepaskilf

At the end of the day he's your OH's son, not yours!

He's already proved he can't be trusted and yes he obviously does need help and by the sounds of it he's getting it but he's your OH's responsibility, not yours!

You have 2 children who need protecting, and if he is jepodising that then you are right to ban him from your home, you are not banning him from seeing his OH, just from YOUR children's safe place!

Thank you.

Just to clarify though, I only have one LO. I'm not sure where the two LO's thing came from?

Sorry, I saw the 6 months until I say I do and only read half of it asumiing you had a 6 month old too!

Momma.Bear · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by minkymoo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma.Bear

Quote:

Originally Posted by minkymoo

Mommabear - my advice is to get some sleep and come back to this thread tomorrow hun.

You're clearly still very upset about this (understandably so) and are taking other's opinions the wrong way (because you're angry). You did ask what others would do but are becoming further annoyed with anyone who says something you don't want to hear/disagrees with you.

I'm not getting annoyed, I'm explaining why it is that I've chosen NOT to have him here.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I'm expressing why I've got the one I've got.
I can completely understand where most of the ladies are coming from, but at the same time, they aren't the one's who have dealt with the issues with SS thus far. That's why I'm trying to explain everything fully, I didn't feel the need to write an essay during my question, but to clarify things, i might.

Er, ok.

What does your OH have to say about him being banned?

Actually, he understands.

Momma.Bear · Jan 29th, 2012, 16:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lepaskilf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma.Bear

Quote:

Originally Posted by lepaskilf

At the end of the day he's your OH's son, not yours!

He's already proved he can't be trusted and yes he obviously does need help and by the sounds of it he's getting it but he's your OH's responsibility, not yours!

You have 2 children who need protecting, and if he is jepodising that then you are right to ban him from your home, you are not banning him from seeing his OH, just from YOUR children's safe place!

Thank you.

Just to clarify though, I only have one LO. I'm not sure where the two LO's thing came from?

Sorry, I saw the 6 months until I say I do and only read half of it asumiing you had a 6 month old too!

Ah, gotcha.

Jan 29th, 2012, 16:20 PM	#42
Gingerspice Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the south Posts: 2,317	Please don't think I was criticising how much time he does get with his dad, or making any judgement on what they do do or how much time is available. I was asking to try to see if there was some way to allow a boy who seems to be crying out for help, the help of the person that maybe he is crying out for. I know split families situations are tough for children to understand, and despite rulings made by courts and agreements set in place by adults over how much time each should get; these are uncomprehesible to children and if he actually wants more time with Daddy then maybe the attention seeking is to try to get it (being a child he just doesnt nderstand that it isn't and spit families do have restraints and limitations in place that no matter how much bad behaviour thrown about can be changed)

Status: Offline

Jan 29th, 2012, 16:21 PM	#43
Baby France Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Cuckoo Land! Posts: 9,672	I understand that you are angry. But you are getting really defensive with us and are currently refusing to seemingly accept any sort of 'support' for him or ideas that people give. This boy is only 8. He DESERVES time with his father. I can see and completely and utterly understand every single one of your concerns. Hell I would be just as furious as you. He has issues. That is obvious, but in my opinion you are only going to contribute to his issues further by refusing to accept him into your home and family. That will effectively wipe out his 'safety' net. There are ways and means so that you ensure your daughter is not subjected to some of his inappropriate behaviour again. But I think a blanket ban on your part is unfair. Unfair on your step son and unfair on your OH who, no doubt will probably be frantic with worry about whats happening with his son!!

Status: Offline

Jan 29th, 2012, 16:21 PM	#44
Aidan's Mummy Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hull Posts: 12,275	I can completely understand this is hard for you hun, I just don't want his behaviour to be worsened etc x

Status: Offline

Jan 29th, 2012, 16:23 PM	#47
Momma.Bear Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,367	Just to clarify, there is not once that I said my OH couldn't see his son. Not once did i state the ban was from my SS seeing his father, only coming to my home. I'm stating his son is not welcome in MY home. My OH can take his son to his parents house or elseware.

Status: Offline

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