Some great advice here, and I wanted to agree that you're not a bad Mummy at all! You're doing a great job! We're all learning, and we're all going to have to deal with difficult and challenging situations sometimes.

My LO doesn't tantrum too often, but he does have classic things that can make him kick-off. I've found that if I give him notice that X is going to happen, and then do a count-down to it, he's much happier about doing X. For example, he's not a fan of going into his pram nowadays, but if he won't hold my hand I have to put him in. I'll say "You've not held Mummy's hand, so you're going to have to sit in your pram now. You're going to sit in your pram in 5. Then I'll count-down to 0, whilst picking him up, and putting him in his pram by 0. I've found that he rarely tantrums when I do this, and if he does it's only for a few moments. It totally minimises the stress!! The count-down isn't a threat, or a punishment, it's just about letting him know what's going to happen, and giving him a time frame. If you notice certain things (like the car) that she really doesn't like, you can try and prepare her for going in by doing the count-down.... maybe it'll work!

I also agree that just leaving nursery quickly and getting to your destination is essential to minimising the potential for tantrums. She's maybe a bit overwhelmed by all the choices too, maybe just stick to one thing that she gets to pick everyday, but that's it.

I have only just skimmed the replies as in a rush but I just wanted to send a hug and say you aren't a bad Mummy.

I agree with the replies saying you need to be more strict, firm and sure of yourself. We have had an awful time up until the past 3 weeks when I thought "enough is enough" and took a lead from my sister (who is an attachment parenting Mummy with a very strict approach to discipline).

Example -

Tantrums over clothes. She has to wear clothes so it's just tough. I hold her still and put the clothes on whether she wants to or not. She is too little to make choice about what to wear although I let her "help" me put her shoes, tights on etc. and before nappy changes we have fun by putting it on her head or the dogs bum (I sound crazy) and then I say "Right, it's time to put it on your bum now" let's lie down. I always explain to her that she has to wear clothes as we can't go outside naked or we'll get cold. I get dressed in front of her first and point out Mummy and Daddy putting their clothes on.

Walking - LO was horrendous - would run towards roads, climb and jump stairs, put her hands down drains etc. and throw a horrendous paddy fit if I tried to stop her. About 10days ago I'd had enough and held her hand/arm firmly, kept walking (she was being dragged a bit but I was careful not to hurt her or scare her) and told her she was walking beside Mummy nicely or holding Mummys hand. Or going in the pram. I put her in the pram when she still wasn't walking nicely after a few mins. I've done this everyday since and today we parked round the corner from the park and she walked 90% of the way nicely holding my hand! We didn't have a single tantrum the whole way round the park either! A few more weeks of this and I reckon she'll walk quite nicely beside me.

Food - again she picked and choose, threw food on the floor, at the dogs etc. I was sick of wasting stuff and having her asking for more so now if anything gets thrown on the floor I say "Oh are we all done now?" and start to scrape it up into the bin. Today she decided to chance her luck again after a few days of not doing it and started to tip her little bowl of cheddars on the floor and I asked if she was all done and got up to clean them away and she frantically started picking them off the floor and putting them back in her bowl before I got there to put them away! And she sat down nicely and ate them.

With picking my LO up after work she always gets upset as she gets to run wild at my Mums all day. So I've made it as nice as possible - we have a 5 minute play before going home but it's all very matter of fact and my choice not hers or she gets confused and overwhelmed. I act super excited to see her and grab a kiss and cuddle and we look at her books, toys etc. and she helps me pack her bag, I keep reminding her that we have to go home to play then have bath etc. Then we wave bye bye (she still cries) and get into the car where we keep her special favourite toys and put a DVD on. I offer a tasty snack sometimes too in the carseat so she associates it with nice things and we play peek a boo etc. in the car seat. I always find that LO is in a bit of a horrendous mood after my work as she hasn't had enough sleep so I make sure she gets plenty of catch up on my days off!

Hope it gets better soon xx

Great responses here...I agree with aimee-lou and stardust...I'm going to take away some of these strategies too! You are not a bad parent at all! She probably doesn't kick of at daycare because she's so preoccupied with the activities. Be firm, be consistent, say what you mean and mean what you say. She'll get it soon enough.

Wow, so many great advice! I want to quote all of you and thank you all.
It has deffinately given me a light on how to handle the situation.

It makes perfect sense that she's probably getting overwhelmed and confused with all of the choices I give her. Now that I think about it... That's all I do. Like I say, "Alexa do you want to take a bath?" when really it isn't an option... So when she says no and I still make her bathe... Wow I can see why that would cause a tantrum! How simple was this problem to handle and I just didn't notice it!

And I agree with just bringing her straight to the car for now on. I am going to deffinately try it. It will be difficult at first because carrying her she will just arch her back to be put down and if I try holding her hand she does this thing if she doesn't want to go, she sits down on the ground. Lol. So I need to let her know I mean business.

So I'm going to cut down on choices and be more in control. Thank you!! Will let you know how it goes!

I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Remember be strong and show her that she can trust mummy to be in charge and know what needs doing. And in fact by being in charge and giving her boundaries, you are making the world a more secure place for her becuase she knows what is ok and what isn't. And she'll know she can rely on you to guide her in this big confusing place she doesn't understand yet.

Thank you! So far this morning was a bit better. instead of asking her if mommy could fix her hair, I told her, "Alexa come sit right here, we have to fix your hair" at first she was skmewhat ignoring me, but I repeated it and meant it. And sure enough she came over sat down and let me fix her hair. Amazing...because she HATES when I fix her hair.

So shall keep it up. Thank you again!

good going ! It's not always easy, but you feel so much better when you are confident in what you are doing

Well done!

I find with Tom I often have to repeat an instruction lots of times before he complies but he generally gives in if I keep repeating it. If he really is ignoring me I remove any distractions (like the TV) and then tell him I will ask 1 more time and if he still doesn't do it then I will count to 5 and then fetch him (or choose for him etc). This works really well now but it took a while for him to get the idea.

Yay! And more news for the day! I'm actually quite excited and surprised what a little Change can do!

So today when I picked her up from nursery. I didn't really have to make her Leave she sort of did it on her own, so I was lucky there. Except mid leaving i realized it was very windy outside so i told her we were going to put her sweater on. She didnt want any of it and almost started a tantrum. So i picked her up and sat her on one of the chairs and put it on her without a fight. When we got outside, I held her hand tight and told her we were going straight to the car. She was a little reluctant at first... Because it turns out... She's afraid of leaves moving on the ground from the wind. LOL. So I shmooshed them with my foot and told her Alexa is safe. Lol and she continued walking with me. Got to the car, and she actually climbed into her car seat herself! Um who is this toddler? Lol. For that I gave her a snack in the car.

Got home without fuss. Up the stairs without fuss. And made dinner without fuss. She still didn't eat much but well work on that another day.

So here comes tantrum part sort of.

I told her, Alexa it is time to go take a bath. But she was bUsy watching Winnie the pooh, so turned to me and screamed NOOOO. So I told her, mommy is turning the TV off now and we are going to go take a bath. So I turned it off and walked to the bathroom. No tantrum yet. She followed me but refused to come in to the bathroom, I told her to co,e here and she said nooooo. So I started counting down from 3 once I got to zero she turned around to take off running, so I grabbed her and brught her into the bathroom. She was going to tantrum and throw herself backwards so instead of letting her hurt herself when I was sitting her down I laid her back for her and then ignored the screaming and crying and continued on with fixing the water to make it warm. Before I was done she was in her feet. Looking at the water and I told her I was going to take her shirt off for the bath and she nodded and said yea.

just a proud mommy moment. A usual hour long or all day tantrum turned into a 3 minute tantrum.

THANKS AGAIN!!!

Hope it continues!

WELL DONE!

And btw the fact that you can get your 18month old to sit while you fix her hair is AMAZING. My 17month old is horrendous when I try to go near her hair and if I manage to pin her down long enough she pulls out any clips/bobbles etc. So she looks like a bloody orphan!

Have you tried making bathtime more fun? It's my LO's favourite time of day. We have a selection of toys, nice hot water, bubbles and we play at splashing "swimming" and kicking. She screams when she has to come out though so you can't win