Ranting - babysitting two year old - Page 3

mama2b · Mar 30th, 2012, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellowyamyam

I apologise if I had offended anyone but perhaps I wasn't making myself clear enough. Like I said, I was just ranting out.

I did not mean scared as in fear of you. I meant scared as in know when that person says NO, it means NO. For example, my friend allows her daughter to eat junk before dinner because she wants to. If the mum says no, she would cry and when I say cry, it is usually crocodile's tears. One can differentiate a real and fake cry. Then the mum would get angry and said something like "mummy is angry. you can't have biscuits because it is dinner time really soon." the daughter would cry louder. then, she would give the daughter 1 biscuit and say "you can only have one ok? it's dinner time soon." Once she is done with one, she would ask for more and start crying again. Then the mum would give in again.

In this scenario, I feel my friend isn't firm enough with her decision towards her daughter. So the kid knows the mummy will give her biscuits because she cries. Am I not right? If dinner time is 20 minutes away, perhaps the kid is too hungry so yes, a biscuit or two is fine but I just feel once you said ONE BISCUIT, you should stick to it. (btw, the kid wasn't starving because she had a whole large banana about 30 minutes before).

What I meant about the DVD - I didn't mean not replaying the dvd for her but watching tv for 4-5 hours straight? Just because she wants to? I agree with distractions but my friend gives in too quickly. She asked her daughter if she wants to do some painting, the kid says no and that was the end of it. She asked her if she wants to play with toys, NO and the end. If my friend pushes it more, the kid starts crying and she gets her tv back until she is bored with it.

About the father - I didn't mean not cuddling her after she is calm. But stick to his decision. For example, he said no iPad to her while dinner because she was reluctant to even try her dinner. She cried. He disciplined her and let her cry out. After she stopped, he cuddled her and gave her the iPad but said "next time, daddy says no ipad means no ipad" but he already gave it to her! Even I was confused!

But yes, I am not a parent so I wouldn't know the true picture. My friend complains to me about her daughter. saying she can't stand her daughter being such a spoilt brat.

Again, this is just me ranting. Sorry.

I understand better now have more info !

It sounds to me like your friend knows she is giving in but she needs to stick a routine as best she can. Like my DS has snacks at certain times and thats it until dinner time unless its a special occasion, day out etc. If he persists then he can have fruit or a very healthy snack but I wouldn't give him crisps or biscuits.

Its very easy to be critical of other people and I am embarrassed to say that before I had my son I was critical of a friends child (I never told her tho) as she was extremely late, crawling, walking, talking, potty training etc and then when I started feeling the pressure to get my DS potty trained I realised it really isn't that simple for some children and I felt awful that I doubted her parenting techniques.

chubbin · Mar 30th, 2012, 10:37 AM

A while ago I was a nanny. I was pretty useless, mainly because I didnt really understand children. I tried to be very strict, and it generally ended up backfiring!
I was however extremely judgemental and critical of other's parenting techniques, and this attitude continued until I had my own child.
Now I cringe when I think of how WRONG I was basically. I had a kind of strict (but confused) 'Super Nanny' idea in my head that I used to judge parents of toddlers with, not realising that a 2 year old could not hope to consistently accomplish the things I assumed they were capable of. I also made no allowance for the fact that parents love their children, and have to 'choose their battles' sometimes; and that it's nicer if behaviour can be learned/corrected gently and kindly.
As a mum now I will also add that Im apt to be softer with JJ, or generally more stressed, if I am in company when JJ 'plays up'. It can take a lot of attention and energy to redirect challenging behaviour, and this may be attention and energy that (in your company) your friend wants to save for you - her friend!
Please read and reflect on what Ive written hun. Remember, before you judge someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes

Babushka99 · Mar 30th, 2012, 12:50 PM

I was critical too before having a baby and I'm the complete opposite mum to what I thought I would be. I think its better not to judge because you never know what the future holds for you! To me now something like giving a biscuit or banana before dinner is nothing. You just want your precious baby to be happy. They won't be spoilt brats forever, they will grow to be wholesome loved children. My daughter throws a tantrum when I say no to her and I hug her straight away. Although she's not allowed to do something I still love her and want a cuddle, if she feels upset she isn't allowed to do it I can comfort her that's fine. I don't like enforcing things in a hard disciplinarian way and I don't feel its necessary to be overly controlling towards children either.. Gentle encouragement is my way and I do think it works.

eddjanuary10 · Mar 30th, 2012, 13:09 PM

Perhaps the child would benefit from more encouragement to play with toys instead of just accepting the childs 'no'. Like, maybe they could play with her more and spend more time actually playing with her between letting her watch tv, maybe the child doesn't like to play alone. My 2 year old son won't play alone for more than 15minutes. I can't really judge as I don't know exactly how much time her parents do play with her but if you say she watches tv for 4-5hours then I don't think thats good if its every day and she doesn't ever play with her toys. Unfortunately if her parents are ok with that then thats up to them and if its just on the odd occasion then also thats ok.

I'd just let them get on with it really, so long as the child is loved and happy enough its not worth losing a friend over as people are very sensitive about how they parent and will usually put their guard up. x

Mar 30th, 2012, 10:37 AM	#22
chubbin Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South west england Posts: 1,528	A while ago I was a nanny. I was pretty useless, mainly because I didnt really understand children. I tried to be very strict, and it generally ended up backfiring! I was however extremely judgemental and critical of other's parenting techniques, and this attitude continued until I had my own child. Now I cringe when I think of how WRONG I was basically. I had a kind of strict (but confused) 'Super Nanny' idea in my head that I used to judge parents of toddlers with, not realising that a 2 year old could not hope to consistently accomplish the things I assumed they were capable of. I also made no allowance for the fact that parents love their children, and have to 'choose their battles' sometimes; and that it's nicer if behaviour can be learned/corrected gently and kindly. As a mum now I will also add that Im apt to be softer with JJ, or generally more stressed, if I am in company when JJ 'plays up'. It can take a lot of attention and energy to redirect challenging behaviour, and this may be attention and energy that (in your company) your friend wants to save for you - her friend! Please read and reflect on what Ive written hun. Remember, before you judge someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes

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Mar 30th, 2012, 12:50 PM	#23
Babushka99 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: London Posts: 2,333	I was critical too before having a baby and I'm the complete opposite mum to what I thought I would be. I think its better not to judge because you never know what the future holds for you! To me now something like giving a biscuit or banana before dinner is nothing. You just want your precious baby to be happy. They won't be spoilt brats forever, they will grow to be wholesome loved children. My daughter throws a tantrum when I say no to her and I hug her straight away. Although she's not allowed to do something I still love her and want a cuddle, if she feels upset she isn't allowed to do it I can comfort her that's fine. I don't like enforcing things in a hard disciplinarian way and I don't feel its necessary to be overly controlling towards children either.. Gentle encouragement is my way and I do think it works.

Status: Offline

Mar 30th, 2012, 13:09 PM	#24
eddjanuary10 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Glasgow Posts: 3,355	Perhaps the child would benefit from more encouragement to play with toys instead of just accepting the childs 'no'. Like, maybe they could play with her more and spend more time actually playing with her between letting her watch tv, maybe the child doesn't like to play alone. My 2 year old son won't play alone for more than 15minutes. I can't really judge as I don't know exactly how much time her parents do play with her but if you say she watches tv for 4-5hours then I don't think thats good if its every day and she doesn't ever play with her toys. Unfortunately if her parents are ok with that then thats up to them and if its just on the odd occasion then also thats ok. I'd just let them get on with it really, so long as the child is loved and happy enough its not worth losing a friend over as people are very sensitive about how they parent and will usually put their guard up. x

Status: Online

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