Right, I need discipline advice please, cos either something ain't working or I'm expecting far too much of my 2-and-a-half year old ...

Basically, there are a few things that he does that we are absolutely categorically not going to accept from him. And our way of dealing with this is to discipline him each time he does one of these things. The discipline isn't the same each time, because obviously you can't for example send him to his room when you're at the park on in the shops. But if we say there's going to be a punishment of some sort, we ALWAYS tell him what the punishment will be if he repeats the 'naughty' thing he's doing, we give him one more warning if he does it again, and then we carry through with the punishment.

The punishment is generally 2 minutes on the 'naughty step', or 5 minutes in his bedroom if he refuses to sit still on the step. Alternatively, we take away (for a few days) the toy he wasn't playing nicely with. Or we withhold a privilege later in the day - one of his favourite things is putting sticks in the stream and watching them float away, so we often withhold going to do that later in the day.

It is obvious to us that he dislikes all of these punishments (he protests when we implement them), so in our opinion they're all quite sensible options to use and I think appropriate for his age.

HOWEVER, although the punishment may stop him repeating the naughty action within a few minutes, you can almost guarantee that in a few hours (and certainly by the next day) he will do it all over again. It's almost like he doesn't believe we'll follow through with the punishment, which I think is strange because we ALWAYS do something if we say we're going to do it.

The things he's doing that we're not happy with include (1) throwing things (toys, books, occcasionally food, totally random objects) - not aggressively but almost just to see what happens to the object and our reaction; (2) biting things that he knows we don't want him to bite (books, toys); and (3) reaching up on to work surface where we do most our food prep (he can't see the surface properly but he just randomly grabs to see what he might pick up - it could be food, a knife, anything really).

We've been telling him off about these things for months now, and we have always made sure that we're very consistent in terms of genuinely meaning what we say. So we don't say "you won't go to xx" if we know that it's not possible to stop him going to xx.

I'm not beating myself up and wondering what I'm doing wrong, as I don't really believe I am doing it wrong. But I do wonder why we don't seem to be making any inroads at all into sorting out these issues with simple discipline. Any ideas?

Is there a reason why he's doing these things? Is it for attention? Is he bored? Is he tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Just ask yourself a couple of internal questions as they usually only act up when they want/need something. Well that's the case with Marnie anyway. It might help =] worth a shot xxxx

Certainly it's for attention ... but we're not sure why, because he usually seeks attention when he's already receiving it, IYSWIM. So, for example, this morning we were happily playing with his Noah's ark, and I was singing the ark song and he was putting the animals on the ark ... then all of a sudden he gets the ark and tries to insert his front teeth into it.

Then later on his daddy was getting him ready to go out. He'd just read a book to him while he sat on the potty, and daddy was getting ready to brush LO's teeth. Daddy asked him to pop the book on the floor ready to go back in his bedroom, but instead he grabbed the book and chucked it in the sink.

I forgot to mention that he always says sorry after he's acted up and been disciplined, and we always have a hug afterwards so that everyone then forgets about it.

It seems like he's just testing boundaries, typical toddler! So I wouldn't worry. Just try and keep as calm as you can with it. Sound's like you're doing a good job, i'm sure it'll pass soon =] xxx

I think that maybe your expectations are a little high. The behavior you are describing is very typical of a normal toddler. Those are things you will be repeating no for a long time to come. As they get older it eventually sinks in so try not to stress

I'd say you're expecting too much for him to realise the loss of a treat/toy later in the day or the next day is related to what he did earlier. I'd also suspect he's repeating the behaviour to get your reaction even though its negative and that's why nothings changing.

Can you react in a different way to these thing? Maybe try ignoring him and turning away when he does it - if he's doing it for the reaction he will soon stop if he's not getting any attention for it. Maybe play up how he's a big boy and only babies bite things etc. The worktop - maybe put him so he can see what you're doing?

I am no expert, but my first reaction was that removing a treat later in the day isn't really effective. By the time u go to throw sticks hours later, he won't associate the removal of that with throwing a toy hours earlier. Just a thought!!

Also, I do think it mostly sounds like typical toddler behavior.

IMO his behaviour is absolutely normal. He knows that by doing his "naughty" things, he will get your attention so he does it more.

Honestly, they grow out of the throwing phase, normally with no real consequences. Same with biting (does he have all his teeth? Even if he does, he may have toothache if hes biting things a lot). As for touching the work surface - it will take a while, but you will stop him doing this eventually. I don't think he's being "naughty" as such, more just testing how far he can push you before you react Have you tried distracting him rather than punishing? Tegan is not allowed in our kitchen unless she has permission first. We had a baby gate on the door until about a month ago. Now she will wait at the door and say "can Tegan come in the kitchen please?"

I really think that most of the things you mention he will grow out of, and perhaps when he throws, instead of confiscating his toys (he' far too young to understand that as a consequence anyway IMO)try giving him a ball or something soft that he can throw.

Also I wanted to add that at your LO's age, my LO did not understand long term consequences. So discipline had to be immediate and once the discipline was over, we didn't talk of it again. I always explained what she had done wrong, before the discipline, and then left it there. I don't see the point in dragging things out, and she would certainly not understand being unable to do something this afternoon because she was a monkey this morning.

I know what you mean, I feel like a parrot like I am constantly repeating myself each day for alot of the same things. I do believe it just takes time to sink in and they will learn that these things are unacceptable but they do keep testing us now and then to make sure our reactions are the same. If Ihsan throws something, which he rarely does now as he has hurt himself (and others) enough times to realise the consequences, I remind him its dangerous and if he continues I tell him off but then quickly distract him. He understands danger now and is more cautious but sometimes he just likes to push my buttons! Thats toddlers and they will learn soon enough xx

I think you do just have to keep repeating the same lessons over and over and over. I wouldn't bother with long-term consequences as immediate consequences are the only ones that will actually influence behaviour at this age (there is a lot of research to show that immediate consequences are more effective at changing behaviour at ALL ages, even for adults, but for this age there is generally just no point at all in a delayed consequence, like not doing an activity later, because it just won't have any effect on whether or not the child will do the behaviour again). If you are using time-out, then I would just stick to that and forget about the other consequences because it's unlikely they are adding anything. I think taking away a toy if he's not playing nicely with it is a good natural consequence too, but I would keep it short (e.g. half an hour) rather than taking it away for a few days, that's just dragging out the punishment unnecessarily and is unlikely to add anything to the learning.

From a behavioural point of view, the most important thing to remember about punishment is that it only works to suppress behaviour in the short-term, it doesn't work to teach new behaviour. So what you really need to focus on to actually change his behaviour is positive reinforcement, which is basically loads of attention, praise, etc. when he is behaving in the manner that you would like to see more of. You need to really concentrate on reinforcing and strengthening the desired behaviour. Punishment is necessary at times but it's only ever a small part of the solution because it won't actually get you anywhere unless you teach the child how you do want them to behave, through positive reinforcement when they are behaving well. If necessary, teach him an alternative behaviour that you would be happy with and reinforce that. For example, instead of grabbing random objects from the kitchen worktop you could teach him to use a step in order to climb up and "help" you with the cooking.