My inlaws live in Spain and we are going to stay with them for a week in the Summer. Neither of us want to but we've said we can't the last few years so we felt like this year we should go.
I'm so scared because I don't have a very good relationship with them. They are very dominating, don't agree with a lot of how we bring LO up.
I'm scared they will try and take LO out without me - I don't want them to when we're in another country, especially as they don't know him and he doesn't know them.
I'm also worried they'll try and keep him up late and feed him junk (because these are 2 of the things they disagree with us about).
Those I can live with. I'm more worried about them wanting to be alone with LO and me being out of control.
Oh and the other thing that terrifies me is that they are strong believers in smacking and we are strong believers in NOT smacking. If they make him stay up late and feed him rubbish, and he's a little monkey and then they're left alone with him, I'm scared that they will smack him.
I keep getting so upset about it. OH understands but at the end of the day they;re his parents and he doesn't want to upset them. Also he wants them to be closed to LO so he wants them to babysit and take them out and stuff. He doersn't understand why it scares me so much.
At the end of the day it is your child and you can say no to anything you don't feel comfortable with, they have no right to do anything that you don't want-especially with regard to smacking. If your inlaws want to help then ask them to do things like bath time/story etc so they feel needed but aren't taking over.
You might find with being away from home LOs bedtime may be unsettled anyway. What we do when we are away is let our routine slide a little in that we wait for tiredness cues then follow our normal bedtime routine (bath, milk and stories then bed) though the time is later.
I'd try and make the best of it- sunshine, lots of people wanting to lavish attention on LO, someone else cooking for you...
Will you have swimming and the beach too? My LO would LOVE that!
Ok firstly breathe you have a few months so be proactive
You need to get confident and just keep remembering YOU are his mum they CAN'T just do things without asking - personally I would get in contact with them and talk it out or failing that send an email with some ground rules. I would be so harsh as to say in the email if they can't respect your wishes then you can't go. I know they are his grand parents but they do t get to make the rules with your son! Ooh I an all angry on your behalf!
I agree with the other girls. You are the parent so you set the ground rules.
I would choose my battles though because you don't want absolutely everything to be a battle. When we visit the inlaws they give my kids way too many sweets and they stay up way too late which used to freak me out, but then I realized we don't see them that often and it's not really worth kicking up a fuss about it. They just really miss the kids and want to spoil them. In my mind a week with extra sweeties, but good memories of grandparents is not a bad thing.
Decide beforehand what you will absolutely not budge on and then what you will be willing to let go. If you are going to let something go then decide to not get irritated over it. If you do you will be very stressed and find it even harder to say no when you really need to good luck . I hope it's way better than you imagine !
I think you may well be over analysing this. Do you really think they would smack your baby, whether you do or not? I don't think it's a grandparent's place to smack, that sort of discipline should be left solely to parents if they choose that method.
Secondly, would a few late nights and a bit of junk food kill him if it's just on holiday? If your in laws weren't there, would you let him stay up later than normal and pinch a chip or two from your plate? I know i will be when we're on holiday in the summer! Routines go out of the window when you're away front home and trying desperately to cling to it will drive you mad!!
Thirdly, would you honestly feel the same way if it was your parents? PILs get such a bad press and i can't help feeling it's mainly because they're not the woman's parents and for no other reason. They love your LO too and i bet they're so excited that you're going to stay and would be gutted if they thought you were so worried about it. They'll just be happy to be getting the chance to be grandparents for the week!
Try thinking of it as a (virtually) free holiday with built in baby sitters! Your LO will love the extra attention and really won't come to any harm should you choose to let them have him to themselves for a day.
I really can sympathise with how you are feeling. My PILs came to stay for a fortnight when I firs went back to work and I was dreading it. But they were absolutely.bloody brilliant!! And, I hate to point this out but fast forward 30 years and you and your OH will be the PILs. Set yourself some good karma! Xxx
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