Hi Moms,

My first post here and I need some help!

Some back story:

My son will be 3 in July. In November, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. Although I will never know why it happened, I have a hunch that my breastfeeding affected my progesterone levels, perhaps contributing to my mc. I was 37 at the time (now 38).

My son LOVES nursing. He co-sleeps with us and at the time, he would still nurse in the middle of the night (I stopped that in January). He loves to nurse in the morning when he first wakes up. Plus that also buys me a few more hours of sleep. He nurses when he wakes up from naps as well as before nighttime sleep.

ANYWAY - I decided at the beginning of the month that I wanted to have him weaned by the end of the month, especially as we are trying for #2 again. I explained to him that I am running out of "mama's milk" (or mama's) and that he won't be able to have as much anymore. Moreover, I have created a reward system where he gets a sticker for each day that he only has a little bit or no mama's milk. After 4 days, he can pick out a toy. He's doing fairly well during the day, but he is now very anxious in the middle of the night/early morning. He sometimes wails on me, hitting me and pulling my nipples, saying No Mommy, no! That's not nice! That's so naughty Mommy, etc. My heart breaks.

Finally, sometimes when I enter the room, he says, "I don't like Mommy anymore", and then take me by hand, leads me to my bedroom and closes the door. He's punishing me. My husband talked to him and my DS said that he loves mama's and doesn't want a toy-he just wants his mama's. It makes him feel good and happy.

It breaks my heart to do this. It's not just about another baby, but I've also hit my breastfeeding wall.

Anyone have any experience, tips, suggestions?

Thank you!

I don't really have advice because my boy weaned at 22 months without difficulty but I just wanted to offer sympathy and hugs. That sounds so so hard, really heart-breaking to go through as a mother. Just one suggestion, maybe it would be better to wean him in a phased way and maybe keep the early morning feed for now if that is the one that he is most attached to. So maybe stick to what you are doing but allow him to have the one feed per day that there is no argument about. Explain to him that he can only breastfeed when he wakes up in the morning and then when he asks at other times you can tell him there is none left now but that he can have some in the morning. It might just make it a bit easier for him, knowing that he can still have the one feed. Then once you have got him down to one feed per day and he's not asking at other times, you can think about totally weaning, which might actually be easier once he's only having one feed and has learned other ways to comfort himself at other times. Hope this is of some help, as I say I don't have direct experience but hopefully some of the other ladies will have useful suggestions too.

Hi Polaris,


Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement. I think I might give that a go. I'm getting my hormones tested next week, so I'll know for sure if my hormone levels are low. Perhaps that can help guide my decisions as well.

I'll let you know how it goes! Cheers

How about rather than the reward chart which is obviously confusing him discuss with him about when he thinks he will be ready to stop? Tell him about how one day he won't want to nurse when he is a big boy. Make it into a positive thing which he can feel he has some control over.

I've heard for night weaning you can tell him that he can only nurse when the sun comes up as at night his milk wants to sleep. Polaris has a good suggestion. Could you cope with still keeping one feed? He's obviously feeling scared about loosing breastfeeding and he realises the chart and toy is just a ploy. X I would just start talking positively about being a big boy and reassure him he can still nurse for now. The anxiety of being cut off may make him want to nurse more. Maybe he wants to feel close to you and if you offer him an extra book and a cuddle at bed time or a nurse he may start choosing the extra book x

From what you've said if you look at it from his point of view he's probably saying "that's so naughty mummy" as a reward chart may be making him think that if he breastfeeds he's being "naughty" as opposed to not breastfeeding which is seen as "good"

He also doesn't probably understand the concept of it running out either as he is still getting it so logic tells him either you are lying or it's not true.

Hope you work something out. X