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Old May 20th, 2017, 11:24 AM   4341
cutestuff
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Kat I wasn't originally going to respond but I would feel badly if I didn't. I think you bring up some valid points but there isn't just one issue.
When it comes to advice or tools given it's that after providing the advice you shoot it down and then the next 5 posts are about the same topic. To the point that it monopolizes the group and no one else feels like their problems would get the same attention. It feels like when you post the longest post you write is about yourself. When it comes to the jaundice no ones judging you we are just surprised a baby needing that much attention and work was sent home or that the medical profession would have recommended formula rather than breast feeding which our responses have been in line with your posts addressing concerns and gradually getting more frustrated because you bring it up but don't do anything to change the situation. When it comes to angels specific comments you were the first to respond and you didn't give her the same benefit of the doubt we gave you. Some babies have been known to teeth by 6 weeks old just like some babies are known to have reactions to breast milk.
The other issue is your specific comment that mothers who encourage their babies to sit before they crawl are wrong. Most health advisors will have different thoughts and you can look up milestones for babies which will have more but I know I personally felt dismissed and shocked because here I had spent weeks offering suggestions and providing sympathy or encouragement and then you say I'm wrong. And you can't apologize it's messed up. I think raising babies is hard and is stressful so having outside people tell you it's okay or know what your going through is nice but this extra drama is not cool....
Anyways I never really fit in here. I'm trying to stay in touch with a few via email. Anyone interested please feel free to pm me and I will reach out. Lots of love and luck



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Old May 20th, 2017, 13:34 PM   4342
Angel5000
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I spent most of yesterday debating whether or not I would respond to you, Kat, or just move on. I crafted one or two responses, and then sat on them while I debated. In the end I decided I would feel bad, I didn't want you think I was just flat ignoring your response.

I completely understand that you are frustrated with the things you've tried for Alexander and they aren't working. And there's nothing wrong with being hesitant to use tools that you are afradi could do more harm. But I want to assure you that I am not insulted in any way that you didn't take my advice. I'm insulted that you specifically said "parents who help their kids sit are wrong", after I had just talked about the things I'm doing to help my daughter sit and strengthen her back/stomach/core muscles. You insinuated that I am a bad parent and am putting my child at risk.

I was never judging you about your parenting with Alexander's jaundice, in fact I was expressing surprise that the health team had such different recommendations versus the things that had been recommended here. I even said that it must be a difference between countries. If your health provided didn't think A needed treatment then I did not think you needed to push for treatment, I was expressing surprise at hte difference in treatment recommendations by the health care professionals.

You are correct, you are not the only one who doubted the teething. You did not say it was impossible, but you said you hated it when parents blamed their child's behavior on teething when it was unlikely that teething was the case. You didn't even allow that it COULD be happening, just that it was highly unlikely and "incredibly rare" (which it is not, by the way, and I would know since my mom owned and ran her own daycare my entire life and while I worked for her and with her I have cared for hundreds of babies and have a pretty good idea of when teething can happen). Furthermore, for the STTN thing, you specifically told me that either my friends' babies were fed formula or they were remembering wrong because babies at that age don't STTN because BF babies have to eat more often. And, the only reason I specifically remember this is because I actually asked my friend that afternoon after I saw you had said that whether she had used formula or EBF. Since she has 2 kids who are older (17, and 20) and 2 babies (2 years and 6 months), her memory of what her kids did and are doing is fairly sharp.


I have to second what cutestuff has said. We spent a LOT of time giving you advice or thoughts or recommendations, but they are all shot down and then you continue to post about the same thing. I don't feel like you really want any advice anymore, just a place to vent and for us to say we're sorry you're dealing with this. And, I do feel like I can't post about my problems because they won't get the same attention.

This group has dwindled down to essentially just the two or three of us and I've reached a point where I dread logging into BnB because I'm out of things to say to you about your situation and any/all recommendations are shot down so I don't think you really want advice anyway.

It was time for me to move on anyway. I'm not TTC#1 anymore and that's what this thread was for, so it's time for me to find a group that better meets my needs.

Good luck with Alexander, your husband, and your family. I hope that they are able to figure out what's going on with his spine and I do hope your husband starts to help out more. Best Wishes.



 
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