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Old Aug 3rd, 2016, 09:40 AM   1
ILoveme29
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Frustrated TTC #1


Hello Ladies I am starting this new thread because I know how hard it is to have a listening ear for us ladies who have been struggling TTC and nobody understands us but us.

I have been TTC #1 since Oct 2014
Ive been to 4 different specialist (with my current being the 4th)
I am diagnosed PCOS and possible APS (Anti-phospholipid Syndrome)
HSG all clear
DH normal Sperm


I had a MMC in August 2015 which I had success with my second IUI
Been TTC ever since and nothing. In fact I had no AF from Jan.2016 until June 2016 so I couldn't even TTC then (the frustration)

What do you do when you want to try naturally but the only advice is to take all these meds and have iui or iVF? it really sucks

I feel like depression will soon hit me, but I wont give up because Its what I really want.

everyone around me is pregnant I cant even count how many times ive said congratulations this month. Just patiently waiting but totally frustrated.

I will be seeing my RE this afternoon so I will update what options I am given.

I would love for you ladies to share your TTC journey with me and throughout and wishing us all a BFP sooner than later.

All are welcome



 
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Old Aug 3rd, 2016, 11:57 AM   2
DeuceMom
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Hang in there hun. I know how it feels, especially the bit about all the pregnant women around.

I began my TTC journey in Aug of 2014. Doctors wanted me to track my AF for a few months and use OPKs to see if I was ovulating (I have really irregular periods). Thus followed several futile months of 40-50 day cycles where ovulation was hit and miss. Still, wanted to give IUI #1 an unmedicated chance. That lasted all of the day before, because I did not ovulate. I had to get an injection to force it.

Result: IUI #1 BFN (March 2015)

They decided to get aggressive right away and start me on clomid for cycle #2. However, everything timing wise was being done by guesswork because I was being seen by a standard OBGYN. I'd never TTC before, and with my age and everything, they didn't expect me to have any issues. So why the IUI? I'm a single mother by choice, so TTC naturally is not an option for me.

Anyway. IUI #2 (also done with a trigger shot) was another BFN (April 2015). Had and HSG test done and everything came out terrific; tubes looked good and open. This was very swiftly followed by IUI #3 in the same month following the same protocols and another disappointing BFN. At that point, doctors recommend I see a specialist for my "infertility with unknown cause."

The emotional toll got to me (let alone the financial one) and I took a few months off.

Come Aug-Sept 2015 had new doctors and more testing. They found a problem with my thyroid and started me on meds. This time monitoring for timing was done by internal ultrasounds throughout the process. I'd also doubled my dose for clomid and used ovedril injections at home for ovulation. IUI #4 was in Oct followed by my first ever BFP!

Two days after blood-test pregnancy confirmation, I was informed HCG was not doubling as it should. Next few days was a crushing rollercoaster of emotion as my pregnancy was deemed not viable and I had to wait for AF. Almost two weeks later the witch came.

Mind, during this time, there was an epidemic of pregnant women in my town (my workplace alone had two women fall pregnant, one with twins, and it's a small company with only about 20 workers!). I was extremely angry and resentful and nobody seemed to understand how upsetting it was to know that you have a clump of dead cells inside that was meant to be your baby and you're sitting around waiting to pass it.

So, my period comes and I shed my lining. As per protocol, I get another test done to check my HCG levels...and they are still going up! Not doubling by any means, but now there is concern about remaining cells or a possible ectopic pregnancy. They do some ultrasounds but can't find anything either way, but it's not going to be a miracle baby by any means. Long story short, I had to have a methotrexate injection. That is followed by almost weekly bloodwork until my HCG levels return to pre-pregnancy levels.

IUI #4 ultimately BFN!

Doctors had me wait until I had a normal period to start TTC again. So IUI #5 came in Jan 2016. Largely uneventful and another BFN.

Then, in Feb 2016, had three viable eggs which were looking particularly good to my doctors. Had a good feeling tempered by all the previous disappointment. However, IUI #6 (following the same protocol of double clomid with ovedril trigger) resulted in BFP! But I wasn't out of the woods yet; that positive meant very little to me after what happened last time, so I waited with bated breath and unstable emotions for the HCG testing.

First HCG was 469 and four days later was 2262! Finally had some hope. Then came the first ultrasound at 6 weeks. There were three sacs! Two showed fetal poles measuring 5w6d and 6w0d with HBs of 114 and 121. The third sac was empty and would be monitored for development. A week later the two HB were still there; the third never developed. I am now 25w+5 with didi twins. So, chin up, your miracle baby will come to you in time!

Sorry for the book. I hope my story offers you some hope and a positive outlook. Take some time off if you need to (though I do understand the drive to take every available opportunity as it comes). I wish you much luck and lots of baby



 
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Old Aug 4th, 2016, 07:44 AM   3
ILoveme29
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OMG @Deucemom your journey sounds so close and as difficult as mine. and im so sorry for your long journey as well. I prayed last night and that's about all I can do and comply with whatever my RE asks me to do.

My first RE after my BFP was so horrible she actually said to me after she realized there was no heartbeat " so were just gonna have to remove IT" and on top of that "or you can just wait two weeks and see what happens" a few days after that I begin to feel pains and numbness on my left side of my whole body. what a horrible experience.

I appreciate your story as is did almost bring tears that your miracle did happen in the end. I just understand your journey and the emotions comes from what you been through and how u never gave up. im so happy for you, wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy as well baby.

My body didn't even react to the clomid even doubling it, but my RE is thinking about trying it again.

Yesterday at my Dr. Appointment I was told I need to see a maternal fetal medicine doctor now (ughh here we go again) because with anti- phospholipid syndrome I can get blood clots and possibly even die just from TTC ( so harsh but realistic I guess) my RE doesn't want me trying naturally because it hasn't worked in the past, So thank god my insurance covers unlimited IUI's. My last resort is IVF



 
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Old Aug 4th, 2016, 10:50 AM   4
DeuceMom
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ILoveMe29 - I'm sorry your first RE was so horrible! I'm so grateful after hearing some of the reactions of doctors to other ladies on here that the very worst I got from mine was that I would be able to try again. For the most part, they were extremely sensitive to the fact that a loss, even a very early one, is still a devastating loss for a woman trying so hard to conceive.

With the suspected ectopic, they offered me options of waiting it out (basically to give me time to come to terms that it would not develop into anything), get the shot (which if it was ectopic, would save my tubes and prevent scarring if done soon enough), or have surgery to remove it (not really an option because nothing could be seen on ultrasound and potential for scarring and causing further conceiving issues would rise). Still, the doctor was very heartfelt and sensitive while talking me through these options. I'm surprised that yours, being female like mine, wasn't as sympathetic. It's one of the reasons I actually prefer to have female doctors (although my head fertility specialist was a man working with a couple of female doctors and he was also very careful when speaking of my miscarriage).

I am really sorry you had to go through the loss of your LO. Even now, one of my biggest fears is to go into the ultrasound room and be told one of my babies heartbeats has stopped. The fear doesn't really go away, it only gets tempered as I feel them move on a daily basis. I don't think I'll truly be able to relax until they are born and in my arms healthy, whole, and breathing.

Thank you for your well wishes. I only hope I didn't make you feel any worse having reached this point of pregnancy already. I just wanted you to know that it can and does happen to many of us who struggled like you. Oh, and believe me I was pretty close to calling it quits; I was only financially going to be able to afford one more try, possibly two if I really stretched it. I'd no coverage through insurance for this process, and spent my entire savings to get here. IVF was not really a feasible option, though my parents were kind enough to offer to mortgage their house to help fund it if I made to choice to try! I hope you are getting the same sort of support from your loved ones.

As for the clomid thing; if you are not reacting to it, why are they still trying with it? Shouldn't they have you go to femara or some other drug? I know that was the next step for me, except that I had good reactions to the clomid so doubling it was the more sensible course.

I don't know anything about anti-phospholipid syndrome, but a few women on here have blood clotting disorders. I know they are usually put on a dosage of child aspirin and after conception some have to take injectable blood thinners throughout their pregnancies. It's good that they are on top of your medical issues.

And, hey, a change of doctors can be a good thing. I know I felt a lot more confident and hopeful working with the fertility specialists than with the regular obgyns at the first hospital I was at (I'm with a different obgyn/hospital now too, and I like her a lot better than the ones who were doing my IUIs to begin with). Also, even if it isn't naturally, once you conceive that take home baby, it'll all have been worth it.

I'm so glad that you have good insurance and your emotional well-being will be the only consideration for whether to continue trying or not. I was having a very difficult time contemplating having to give up entirely due to financial reasons (no way would I ever allow my parents to compromise their livelihood for IVF). You and hubby just stay strong and in good spirits, and keep trying. I really hope to hear good news from you down the line. I too felt very connected with your story as our time-frames and experiences seem so similar. Best of luck! And keep us all updated on your journey. We are here to boost your spirit when you are down and to celebrate the moments of joy with you.



 
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Old Aug 4th, 2016, 14:50 PM   5
ILoveme29
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Deucemom- I understand, u always hear " don't worry everything will be okay" but until you have experienced it before its a feeling you just cant shake. are you having twin boys?

and nope It gives me even more hope to know someone who has went through the same is possible to have a positive outcome. I really do appreciate you sharing.

yes my mom is wiling to help as she had similar problems TTC (her appendix burst at the age of 11/12) she was told she would never be able to have kids. she calls me her "miracle child" and then had two more 11 years after me. so she understands me very well. I actually was on the phone crying with her not too long ago lol. as I get feel overwhelmed some points but I am a very strong person, however we are human.

yes I took femara before, for some reason my new RE is just curious as what dosage of clomid may make me react. she says birth rates are higher with clomid than Femara but shes not sure exactly what route to take until after I see the hematologist tomorrow. this doctor is very concerning just making sure I get the proper care, which I appreciate. since the ones in the past never cared to check me for further issues.

I will make sure to keep updated on my progress, thank you so much



 
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Old Aug 4th, 2016, 22:58 PM   6
Mrs. Atole
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeuceMom View Post
Hang in there hun. I know how it feels, especially the bit about all the pregnant women around.

I began my TTC journey in Aug of 2014. Doctors wanted me to track my AF for a few months and use OPKs to see if I was ovulating (I have really irregular periods). Thus followed several futile months of 40-50 day cycles where ovulation was hit and miss. Still, wanted to give IUI #1 an unmedicated chance. That lasted all of the day before, because I did not ovulate. I had to get an injection to force it.

Result: IUI #1 BFN (March 2015)

They decided to get aggressive right away and start me on clomid for cycle #2. However, everything timing wise was being done by guesswork because I was being seen by a standard OBGYN. I'd never TTC before, and with my age and everything, they didn't expect me to have any issues. So why the IUI? I'm a single mother by choice, so TTC naturally is not an option for me.

Anyway. IUI #2 (also done with a trigger shot) was another BFN (April 2015). Had and HSG test done and everything came out terrific; tubes looked good and open. This was very swiftly followed by IUI #3 in the same month following the same protocols and another disappointing BFN. At that point, doctors recommend I see a specialist for my "infertility with unknown cause."

The emotional toll got to me (let alone the financial one) and I took a few months off.

Come Aug-Sept 2015 had new doctors and more testing. They found a problem with my thyroid and started me on meds. This time monitoring for timing was done by internal ultrasounds throughout the process. I'd also doubled my dose for clomid and used ovedril injections at home for ovulation. IUI #4 was in Oct followed by my first ever BFP!

Two days after blood-test pregnancy confirmation, I was informed HCG was not doubling as it should. Next few days was a crushing rollercoaster of emotion as my pregnancy was deemed not viable and I had to wait for AF. Almost two weeks later the witch came.

Mind, during this time, there was an epidemic of pregnant women in my town (my workplace alone had two women fall pregnant, one with twins, and it's a small company with only about 20 workers!). I was extremely angry and resentful and nobody seemed to understand how upsetting it was to know that you have a clump of dead cells inside that was meant to be your baby and you're sitting around waiting to pass it.

So, my period comes and I shed my lining. As per protocol, I get another test done to check my HCG levels...and they are still going up! Not doubling by any means, but now there is concern about remaining cells or a possible ectopic pregnancy. They do some ultrasounds but can't find anything either way, but it's not going to be a miracle baby by any means. Long story short, I had to have a methotrexate injection. That is followed by almost weekly bloodwork until my HCG levels return to pre-pregnancy levels.

IUI #4 ultimately BFN!

Doctors had me wait until I had a normal period to start TTC again. So IUI #5 came in Jan 2016. Largely uneventful and another BFN.

Then, in Feb 2016, had three viable eggs which were looking particularly good to my doctors. Had a good feeling tempered by all the previous disappointment. However, IUI #6 (following the same protocol of double clomid with ovedril trigger) resulted in BFP! But I wasn't out of the woods yet; that positive meant very little to me after what happened last time, so I waited with bated breath and unstable emotions for the HCG testing.

First HCG was 469 and four days later was 2262! Finally had some hope. Then came the first ultrasound at 6 weeks. There were three sacs! Two showed fetal poles measuring 5w6d and 6w0d with HBs of 114 and 121. The third sac was empty and would be monitored for development. A week later the two HB were still there; the third never developed. I am now 25w+5 with didi twins. So, chin up, your miracle baby will come to you in time!

Sorry for the book. I hope my story offers you some hope and a positive outlook. Take some time off if you need to (though I do understand the drive to take every available opportunity as it comes). I wish you much luck and lots of baby
Wow what a long journey. But how much did it all cost if I may ask ?



 
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Old Aug 4th, 2016, 23:12 PM   7
tcinks
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I'd love to journey with you. Ive been TTC since July 2014, and have lost 3 babies along the way And I totally get the feeling of everyone around you getting pregnant/having their babies and wondering when it will be your turn. So frustrating. :/

The doctors know the reason for my first two losses (incompetent cervix) but not for the most recent one. And I also had no problem conceiving my first (happened the first month) but since then it's gotten harder and harder. I'm on my 3rd cycle trying since my MMC in April and I'm pretty sure af will be here Sunday. Have a few different things I want to try for next month.



 
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Old Aug 5th, 2016, 00:28 AM   8
sarah2211
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I'd love to join too. Iloveme, we chatted in another thread a while ago.

I'm not as far into TTC as you all are, but I feel like that could be our journey could follow where you all are now.

DH and I have been trying for almost 10 months now. I have PCOS and Lupus and as far as we know DH is healthy although he thinks he might have a varicocele. I went to my GP at 7 months of TTC and he prescribed Metformin and referred us to a fertility clinic. In the month before our appointment I got a BFP! But lost it at 5 weeks. We saw the fertility specialist last cycle and he lost all our test results (DH's SA, my progesterone and other hormone testing). He was pretty useless. But I don't seem to have ovulated this cycle so we will see what happens. I'm currently waiting for my ultrasound appointment and then we will see the fertility specialist again. If we have no luck then, we'll get a second opinion.

Emotionally, I wasn't expecting it to be so tough to TTC. Like you said, everyone else seems to be announcing their pregnancy and it seems so easy for everyone else.



 
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Old Aug 5th, 2016, 00:35 AM   9
DeuceMom
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ILoveme29 - I am having girl/boy twins, one of each. The soda pop reference was from my 20 week scan when the doctor told me they weighed approx. 11 oz. each which was where they wanted them to be at the time, about the size of a soda can. I thought it was a cute/funny reference so it's my nickname for them. (Although as of my last scan they are twice that size. )

I'm glad your mom is such a support for you. Both my parents have been with me on every step of the journey, but even they sometimes fail to really understand because they had no trouble conceiving me or my siblings. I couldn't even bring myself to join BnB until I was near 20 weeks cause I've kept worrying something would go wrong. However, it's been very nice and normalizing speaking with people who really and truly understand what I'm feeling because many have been through the same. I don't have to justify or try to explain my feelings because many women here just get it.

It's good that your new RE is checking you over before making any decisions. One of the issues I had at the start was that I'd asked questions about testing for issues (I'd done my research prior to TTC) but they shot me down claiming I didn't need them as I had no known issues. Several thousands of dollars wasted and the tests that I had asked for were done by my fertility specialists and a problem (the thyroid issue) was found after all. I was rather angry that I had been dismissed in the first place. I may have conceived sooner had they done as I asked. When in doubt, demand information and attention to your concerns!



 
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Old Aug 5th, 2016, 00:45 AM   10
DeuceMom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Atole View Post
Wow what a long journey. But how much did it all cost if I may ask ?
Roughly $20,000 dollars to conceive. It may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but it was all spent in about 18 months and was the combined savings of three years of work. Just prior to that I'd cleared my college debts and didn't have a savings to speak of.



 
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