I have been depressed for the past few weeks and have been having second thoughts on whether I should actively ttc or not. Just a few days ago, I was having positive thoughts after af arrived, but after brainstorming the troubles I was having in my relationship, I really dont know if I should chase after my dream of having a baby after all. I still love my husband dearly, but sometimes I feel like he is a best friend rather than a husband. I think our flame is dying, and as much as I want to, I cant rekindle it. We havent been "intimate" for the past 10 days. On average, we only have sex 2 times a month. Can someone please tell me how I can conceive with only 2 days of bd? Sometimes, I just want to have sex with my husband not for conceiving reasons, but because I feel the need to be close to him, I am only 22 after all, but he always turns me down. When I point it out to him, he says he's saving up energy for my fertile week. This almost put me in tears because I sense he only wants to have sex with me to have a baby.
He'd rather spend 5 hours playing his soccer game on xbox than spend time with me at night. I have been going to sleep early this past week because I couldnt find anything better to do.
Since I know that we wouldnt be having as much sex I asked to buy a fertility monitor but he said we dont need one. We went shopping yesterday and there was a pair of Ralph Lauren socks on sale for only $2, I asked if we could buy one but he said no because we dont have a baby yet, $2 is only pocket change why cant he just let me buy it so I can feel happier.
At times, I asked to go back to the bc pills but he said no. He says he wants a baby but he is not showing it. I dont know why on earth I would want to bring a baby into this world when his/her parents are already losing the intimacy. Who knows, maybe by the time baby is born we will be sleeping in separate beds. I really want a baby, I do, but I really want to know if having a baby will make this relationship any better. Can someone please give me some advice? When I bring up the subject over and over, he always goes into denial saying nothing is wrong, he's just tired but seriously who would be tired for almost 2 weeks? I really want to talk to someone physically about this but I dont have any close friends. Although I'm close enough with my mom, I dont want to tell her about my marital troubles because I know it will make things worse. Thanks to those who are reading and please picture yourselves in my shoes and what you will be doing if you were me. Thanks
I dont want to give any medical advice or make any assumptions, but do you think depression might be a possibility? From my experience, my other half was not really interested or ready to have children until recently, partly because of depression. He was reluctant to dtd as often as I was, but we sat down and talked about it, and he started taking medicine that has improved his moods greatly. Not saying that everything can be fixed with a pill, mind you, we still had to work things out together besides the meds.
Mentally i think men tend to psych themselves out, he might be scared that he wont be a good parent or something like that.
Definitely sit down with him and have a talk, because you are right, bringing a baby into things may cause it to be worse
Update - After seeing me sad and after he got a piece of my mind he started approaching and seduced me which made me feel worse because I thought he was doing it out of guilt which he denied. He said that its not cuz he doesnt want to bd, its just he's tired from working and if only I would seduce him and not rely on him to come to me, he would be in the mood.
I dont think he is suffering from depression because he seems like his ordinary, happy self everyday. Its just that he's been addicted to his soccer game, when he wasnt, we would go to bed early enough to get in some bding, but for the past week or so he hasnt come to bed until 3am by that time, I'm asleep. Some things just get in the way I guess, besides from being tired. He told me that we will bd every 2 days from now on, lets see how that goes. Thanks for all of you who are replying!
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.