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Old May 2nd, 2012, 13:45 PM   1
sweetmere
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We're going on a break. [TTC Rant]


I'm going to make this thread a huge rant. I'm sorry in advance. I'm bitter, and I don't care. I literally do not care anymore.

To the girls who got pregnant on the first/second try: Stop telling me you know how I feel. You don't. You don't know what disappointment feels like, in the same way that I don't know what disappointment feels like for someone who has been trying for years. I will say this - atleast I know when NOT to say something like that to someone. I respect the fact that they have it worse than I do, and I in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM have any idea what they're going through. But instantly getting what you want means you don't know anything about what this feels like for me. I'm happy for you, I am, but I don't want to hear "it happened for us so quickly because we were relaxed, that's your problem" or "i know how you feel hun. it'll happen, it happened for us!" yeah, it happened for you...the first try. You're all lucky. Luckier than you know.

To the girls who aren't TTC yet in my life: You all give the absolutely worst advice. "Everything happens for a reason", "God has a reason you aren't conceiving", "It's all part of God's plan", "Just relax and it will happen", "I don't get the big deal", "It's nothing to be upset about", "There's always next month", "Atleast you get another month of sleep you wouldn't have if you'd conceived this month"...I could go on and on. Well listen up ladies...you have no idea how YOU are going to feel one day when you try to have a child. It could happen the first try, it could happen the 7th try, it could happen the 34th try. Don't make lightly of things you don't know anything about. It's hurtful. Stop asking me month after month if I am pregnant, and saying hurtful things that I've ALREADY told you in the past have hurt me before!

To the girl I know who got pregnant the 1st try and rubs it in my face: I could have gotten over the fact that you showed me the crib you were about to buy, I showed you the one I wanted, and you bought the one I liked instead. But stealing the quote I've had picked out for my future child for a LONG TIME, and doing it knowingly, that's an entirely different story. Rubbing your belly in front of me while STARING at me, that's rude. Telling me your feet hurt OVER TWENTY times a day...just stop. I got it the first time. Your feet hurt. Bragging about how lucky you are, and how your child will be so spoiled...just stop. Walking away the few times I've ever brought up TTC...it shows how rude you are. Telling me I can hang your baby shower invite up on the fridge so I can stare at your belly all day...too far. Karma will get you. Do you not understand how lucky you are? Maybe you do, and that's why you are so mean to me. It's so horrible to see how you rub it in my face. I would never do that to anyone, so it pains me to see that you would do it to me. I don't want to tell you, but I don't think of you as a friend anymore. I never will think of you the same way again. I would have been fine with you just being pregnant, but you've made it unbearable.

I will honestly say I did not start out being bitter. It's other people that did it to me, and I'm sorry for it. I told no less than 7 people that I'm TTC. My husband (of course), my brother, my high school best friends (2), and 3 other friends, (all three of these were mentioned above...the pregnant friend and the two that aren't TTC yet). I told people I wanted to share it with, thinking they would be happy for me. My husband was of course, my brother was, and one of my high school friends was. When all you hear is negativity and rudeness, you do get upset. When you have negativity and rudeness mixed with disappointment, pain, and tears...you get bitter.

I won't even mention Facebook, the people who complain about getting pregnant and being fertile, my parents begging for a grandchild, my niece and nephew begging for cousins, the internet cheapie that got me all excited this month by pretending to be positive, all of my friends and family members getting pregnant.

I know other people can relate to this. I know some people will think I'm rude by posting this, but I don't care...I had to get it out. I have nobody that understands this in my life, that I know personally.

The only positive thing I can think of is that when it happens, I will have waited long enough to truly cherish it and it will mean that much more to me, because I waited for it, and I cried about it. It hurt me. It will until I see those 2 lines.

I wish everyone the best of luck, baby dust to everyone and I am praying for each and every one of you. I hope God gives us all the strength we need. We all need him.



 
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Old May 2nd, 2012, 15:31 PM   2
ashleylu88
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Girl! I am completely 100% with you!!!! I feel the exact same way. This is our 5th month ttc and I am going insane.

I have one of those girls who rub's it all in your face too (i'll have to message you the story) and I am sick and tired of her! Am i happt for her, well yes, but i cant stand the fact that she is pregnant! the story will explain.

All my friends and family tell me that same things, it will happen soon, it will be when you least expect it, stop trying so hard, relax! Yeah I've heard it all. And I know that they are just trying to be supportive but it hurts my feelings more than anything. I know it shouldn't but it does. They are just trying to be encouraging and trying to help me think positive, but until i see that positive i am not thinking positive!

I was on the bcp for 7 years, last bcp was dec 17th so we have been ttc since jan. I know 5 months isn't as long as others who have been ttc for years and years, but 5 months seems like forever.

I have been stressing myself to the max wondering if i ovulated or not. I took OPK the last 2 months and got positives but then i was stressing and wondering if we BD'ed enough. so this cycle I am just having more sex and TRYING (key word trying) to keep it off my mind! not going so great.

But i feel exactly like you do. I'm upset, i'm tired, i'm stressed and i wonder every single day how teenagers can have drunken sex 1 night, just 1 night out of the month and come up pregnant when I am having sex 3-4 times a WEEK! and nothing, not a thing, nada! I feel you pain, frustration and bitterness and you are not alone! We should become buddies. I have thought so hard about posting a post like this but I knew it would piss people off. Now I am at the point where I just don't care.

I went to a baby shower on Sat where 2 females where pregnant and we announced we were ttc before they even got pregnant!! 1 of the 2 is the one who rubs it in my face!

I am beyond pissed and frustrated and i am so upset and going crazy. glad i am not the only one. I wish you the best of luck, hopefully we will get our BFP's soon!



 
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Old May 2nd, 2012, 15:44 PM   3
sweetmere
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OH yes, message me. That girl up there who sole my crib/quote...there's more to that story too!!! Let's DEFINITELY be buddies! Haha



 
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Old May 2nd, 2012, 17:53 PM   4
pennylane2
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Sweetmere:

Hang in there, chica. I'm right there with you. I hate that neighbors on either side of me are pregnant. Last week when they both announced was really tough - esp. considering one of them is 18 and the other just got married. It sucks. We just have to keep telling ourselves that it will happen. I may have to adopt, but I will have a child that I can call my own. Hell, I may even decide that adoption is a better option.

Hang in there.



 
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Old May 2nd, 2012, 18:14 PM   5
brittany12
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girl, you know my story so i don't even need to go into detail! But you know i'm always here if you want to talk or just want to vent!

I've been trying for 9 or 10 months its been so long (for me) that i can't even remember how long its been.

If you want my HONEST opinion though.. i know you said you were going to wait alittle bit longer before seeing a dr, buttttt I think you should go now and have a work up done just to make sure everything is good! It doesn't have to be because you haven't conceived yet, but just to make sure your body is ready. If you know what I mean. I can't believe I let myself wait this long when my dr. told me to come see him before trying so we can do a work up! And if something isn't "normal" then I will probably hate myself for not listening to him and getting check out first because then that means i wasted so much time!

But.. i'm going on my vacation this month and we are truely relaxing this cycle because we chose to not because everyone keeps saying to and i made my appt for this month too so we aren't expecting any outcome besides some answers on our workup, but we will see what happens! I'm excited for you vacation to come too! You deserve one!



 
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Old May 3rd, 2012, 00:31 AM   6
drsquid
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my freaking gym instructor got pregnant by accident, i was worried about working out while trying to conceive, she does crossfit and teaches high impact crazy level of classes and ooopsied.. 2 friends at work are pregnant too

im sick of everyone saying "have you thought about adoption" to me that is like when someone says they are tired saying, have you thought about napping? ie duh, that is theoretically an option but.. just like it isnt exactly easy to grab a nap at work, adoption isnt some miracle panacea. besides is there some reason im not supposed to want to have a child? plus these people whoj tell me there are thousands of babies out there that need homes have they looked? cause ive heard horror stories from people who have had their hearts broken again and again with adoption, plus it is crazy expensive and as a single working woman, i dont exactly get first dibs

the other one that makes me crazy is when i get told perhaps i should take a break from trying... well what is making me crazy is waiting each month for the small window when i can actually try to have a baby so.. yeah taking time off and adding more waiting yeah that will surely help

oh and i got called selfish the other day because im spending money on trying to do this (moving to ivf this month and yeah im pissed about how much it costs cause i expected id be one of the lucky ones, i had no reason to think this wouldnt work right away. i did find out the sperm was crap that i was using (didnt find out til the 4th try) but im not confident enough that my end has no problems and i cant cope emotionally anymore hence ivf so soon). but.. i dont tell people they are selfish to buy coach bags, fancy shoes etc



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Old May 3rd, 2012, 00:51 AM   7
Momma2bee93
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I know the feeling, this is month 7 and my sister up and decided one day her and her lesbian girlfriend(nothing against the partner she chose or her sexuality!!) they wanted to have a baby, so she went out got drunk had sex and told her girlfriend she 'turkey basted' it.. her first time she got pregnant, NOW she is all happy about having her baby, her girlfriend is in jail and she throws it in my face CONSTANTLY! its killing me!!



 
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Old May 3rd, 2012, 02:42 AM   8
Asters
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Hang in there sweets! people are so amazingly insensitive! i feel for you! we've been ttc5months now and i know its not ages but i cant imagine how people feel who have tried considerably longer when i know how i feel getting a bfn month after month! unfortunatly my oh is one of the worst for crappy quotes,but isnt it fun trying and 'it will happen when it happens' is his fave! i know hes trying to help but gggrrrrr!
my best mate has a 6month old and we always talked about being preg together for years,we just needed more time to start ttc! now she said maybe you'll be preg when im having number two,or three,hehehe. is it me or is that just mean?maybe im just sensitive! And if my boss tells one more client im ttc im gonna blow! Its jus added pressure when loads of people know and ask every month!
Phew rant over! wish all of you the very best of luck, we deserve it!xxxxxx



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Old May 3rd, 2012, 03:58 AM   9
emmahopeful
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BOY do I know how you feel.
And I like and admire that you just let it all out. I always try to mince my words, but what's the point? The only people who understand how you feel are us.
I cannot STAND it when people (who are not TTC - all of my girlfriends) whine "oh just RELAX, a year isn't that long". Really? OH REALLY? Cos it effing well seems long enough to me! I always think about when they start trying, and god forbid any of them have problems conceiving, I will be there to actually sympathise with them rather than belittling their worries.

Don't you just wish that for once someone would answer with a "poor you, that really sucks" as opposed to a "chill out"? SO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know how long you've been trying, but I actually think it doesn't make a difference. It hurts just as much every month. I've been through so many phases and I was most upset at around 5/6 months in. Over a year on and I've settled into a kind of numb, sour skepticism. I don't even bother peeing on a stick anymore, it hurts too much. When I get my period I say, out loud "Yep, of course I'm not pregnant" like some kind of bitter nut job!

I really, really sympathise. Let's all try to stay positive, it's the only thing we can do at this point. XXX



 
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Old May 3rd, 2012, 08:05 AM   10
Nicola27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmahopeful View Post
When I get my period I say, out loud "Yep, of course I'm not pregnant" like some kind of bitter nut job!
haha- this is exactly what i do! AT WORK - where people can probably hear me in the next cubicle! us bitter nut jobs need to stick together! i'm only on month 4, but it already feels like it's never going to happen xx



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