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Old Jul 16th, 2013, 07:30 AM   21
Kat S
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Thank you, Juniper. I'm just SO sad. and to top it all off, yesterday we got a notice in the mail from our insurance co that they turned down a $3,000 claim from the diagnostic center that did the testing on our baby to find out why it died. Dude...that procedure was 6 months ago! And NO ONE told me it would cost $3,000!! I honestly wouldn't have had the procedure done had I a CLUE it would cost that much.

Yes, we can try again as long as the insurance money holds out. I'm honestly not sure how much is left. I guess I need to have that conversation soon. I think that no live baby after 6 IUI's is a very bad sign.

Why can't we have our babies? It seems like the most natural thing in the world, and we can't do it. And forget trying to adopt. It's SO expensive! I don't know how people afford it who aren't rich. Do they clean out their savings accounts? Mortgage their homes? I just feel like even if I accept I can't have my own biological child, I can't find a way to adopt someone else's either. I just have to accept involuntary childlessness? *sob*



 
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Old Jul 16th, 2013, 09:36 AM   22
Emmi
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Originally Posted by Kat S View Post
What a shock. Not pregnant.

You know, I went into this with such high hopes. I knew getting pregnant at 40 was tough, but I thought that with the help of award winning fertility experts and drugs, I'd be pregnant within 6 months. Well, I was I guess, but that hardly counts now does it? Right now I feel cheated. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel left behind while everyone else gets their happy family. I'm also angry at myself for waiting too long.

I love J to death and we have a wonderful marriage, but right now I feel like we have an incomplete life. Turns out the baby I miscarried was our only chance and she's gone. I never get to know what it feels like to be a mom...to hold my own baby...plan birthday parties...give hugs and kisses...watch them grow...

I'm sorry. I'm just really down right now. I don't know what to do.
Oh Kat - so sorry to hear that - big hugs to you. I think as a friend said to me - don't give up until you have exhausted everything! And that makes sense - so take the crappy days along with the positive - an believe me - I know that's not easy.

And I get what you are saying about loving your partner/hubby but life isn't complete without a little one.....

Hubby had another sperm test today as his last was so bad - just hoping that it's a better this time. I can't help but feel so resentful - I need his sperm to be good!!! There is so much pressure for everyone - so hard.

It supposed to be the most natural thing in the world and it feels like such a horrible struggle. Hugs all round. xxx



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Old Jul 16th, 2013, 12:17 PM   23
Kat S
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Emmi, I hope your husband's test comes out much better! My husband had a terrible sample our first IUI. OMG, we were devastated. Then the next month it was better, and the month after that even better! So I think sometimes they can just have a "bad batch" as my husband likes to call it. Plus, there are supplements men can take to improve their samples. Fingers crossed for you!!

Thanks for listening and your understanding. It helps so much.



 
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Old Jul 16th, 2013, 13:24 PM   24
Emmi
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There's always someone to listen here Kat -

Sperm was much better!! It's still not brilliant (but enough for ICSI) and he has stopped drinking alcohol all together and his diet is now monitored by me - chicken with wholewheat pasta which lots of salad for his dinner tonight!!

They wanted to freeze hubby's sperm but at 400 - we are going to take the chance that his sperm will get better! Just ordered some supplements too - hope that helps!

You take care - I know how crappy the down days are - you almost feel like is it possible that there any more tears....

Big hugs



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Old Jul 16th, 2013, 13:54 PM   25
Kat S
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Emmi, that's great news! Wow, I had no idea that freezing sperm was so expensive! Glad he's improving!!



 
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Old Jul 17th, 2013, 07:17 AM   26
Kat S
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Technically I haven't gotten my period yet, but I'd had two days of negative HPT, so yesterday I just made an early call out of anger and disappointment since I've been getting my period so early each month. I thought it would appear in a matter of hours, but it didn't. Today I'm 11 dpiui, which is the longest I've gone without a period since my miscarriage this past January. Still showing negative HPT. I think my cycle is finally starting to return to a more normal length. Maybe now that my cycle is returning to normal, I have a better chance at getting pregnant? Any thoughts on that?



 
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Old Jul 17th, 2013, 09:29 AM   27
Briss
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Hi ladies, I hope you do not mind me joining. I am not 40 yet but it looks like my ovaries might be older than I am. My FSH is too high for my age at 19 and AMH is low (almost menopausal levels). We've been TTC for over 3 years and not a sniff of BFP. My DH has very low sperm count and our FS was pushing for IVF from day 1. we refused as thought his sperm will improve with vitamins etc but even though his sperm is slowly improving (still not great through) my FSH got so high over the last couple of years that we were refused IVF. completely devastating! particularly after I spent the last year doing millions of things to get it lowered. Nothing seems to work for us and it just gets worse.

I can relate to everything you say ladies, I also cry a lot of the time over the whole thing. Trying to stay positive but it seems unfair and hurts so bad. I am afraid to think what future may hold for us and cant even say it. Just trying to carry on doing everything I can and hoping and praying but month after month it gets harder and harder.

Kat, I am so sorry it was not BFP this time but you did get pregnant once and this means you can do it again. I am so sure it will happen for you. though I have to say I stopped testing a while ago as it's just too draining emotionally to see those BFNs and even then I still hope only to get crashed when AF shows up later. I am so hoping that it may still happen for you this cycle (it’s not over until AF shows up) but even if not this cycle then very very soon. the fact that your cycle is improving is a good sign, over the years I noticed that ladies with good temp charts – good cycles are more likely to get BFPs

I really want to try IUI but FS refused cos hubby's sperm is not sufficient for that. We may still try to do it privately though. Am also looking into natural cycle IVF, the success rate is lower but it's much cheaper and seems to work better for ladies with high FSH.



 
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Old Jul 17th, 2013, 10:44 AM   28
Kat S
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Briss, welcome! I am so sorry to read your story. You are so young to have to go through this. It's not fair! I hope you can find the right path to your little one! Until then, we're here to listen.



 
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Old Jul 17th, 2013, 14:35 PM   29
Emmi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briss View Post
Hi ladies, I hope you do not mind me joining. I am not 40 yet but it looks like my ovaries might be older than I am. My FSH is too high for my age at 19 and AMH is low (almost menopausal levels). We've been TTC for over 3 years and not a sniff of BFP. My DH has very low sperm count and our FS was pushing for IVF from day 1. we refused as thought his sperm will improve with vitamins etc but even though his sperm is slowly improving (still not great through) my FSH got so high over the last couple of years that we were refused IVF. completely devastating! particularly after I spent the last year doing millions of things to get it lowered. Nothing seems to work for us and it just gets worse.

I can relate to everything you say ladies, I also cry a lot of the time over the whole thing. Trying to stay positive but it seems unfair and hurts so bad. I am afraid to think what future may hold for us and cant even say it. Just trying to carry on doing everything I can and hoping and praying but month after month it gets harder and harder.

Kat, I am so sorry it was not BFP this time but you did get pregnant once and this means you can do it again. I am so sure it will happen for you. though I have to say I stopped testing a while ago as it's just too draining emotionally to see those BFNs and even then I still hope only to get crashed when AF shows up later. I am so hoping that it may still happen for you this cycle (its not over until AF shows up) but even if not this cycle then very very soon. the fact that your cycle is improving is a good sign, over the years I noticed that ladies with good temp charts good cycles are more likely to get BFPs

I really want to try IUI but FS refused cos hubby's sperm is not sufficient for that. We may still try to do it privately though. Am also looking into natural cycle IVF, the success rate is lower but it's much cheaper and seems to work better for ladies with high FSH.
Sorry to hear all of that but Briss - try and go private - it costs a lot but there is at least hope that they can look at every angle to see what they can and cannot do.

Exhaust everything - I really do think until we have done that we just can't give up.



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Old Jul 18th, 2013, 07:18 AM   30
paster234
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I'm 42 (43 in March). Met my wonderful boyfriend 2 years ago online. But due to us living apart, it wasnt practical for us to be pregnant then. But we will be moving in together in August so the baby making can begin. I have now gone into full time panic mode that i've left it too late. I've always wanted children but unfortunately met a string of loser boyfriends so things didnt go that way. I hope we are all successful with a quest to become mummies.



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