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Old Sep 12th, 2018, 15:15 PM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Wales
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TTC and TWW 5 days late

This is my first post, I've been looking around the forum and reading others posts and finally picked up the courage to post today. Hopefully in the right place. I've been trying on and off for 3 years. When I turned 35 my clock was ticking off the wall. But I was and still am scared because I had 3 miscarriages at 27, 28 and 29 years old. I then had abnormal cells twice and had them removed twice, the last time was age 31 and they said they wouldn't be able to remove them again the cervix would have to be removed. Luckily I've had the all clear since. So at 35 it was all temperature readings, ovulation sticks and generally driving myself mad. After a year of trying I had a scan of my uterus twice to make sure everything was ok. I was fine. I then tried for a further 6 months but it became all consuming. I was peeing on a stick mad. I'd convince myself that the PMS symptoms were pregnancy symptoms and I'd be devastated each month when AF arrived on time or a day early. I've never been late. So I decided to stop trying, I was literally so stressed it was making me crazy and depressed. So I got myself two kittens to love and mother and decided what will be will be. Then my DH got I'll and almost died late last year. He's fine now but it's been 9 months since then and we decided to try again. But without all the ovulation sticks and temperature charts. All I record is the date of my last period and how long it was.
Anyway, looking at the date I should have started my period on or around the 8th September. But nothing has happened, I've had some cramps, a bit of nausea and bloating to the point where my trousers are very tight. So I could be up to 5 days late. I did do a clear blue test on 10th but it was BFN and I'm trying not to go mad and do lots of tests because it feels like AF is about to pay a visit any minute now. Plus I don't want to be dissapointed by getting my hopes up. I'm also terrified that I it will be positive but I'll have another miscarriage. I told myself I was strong enough to try again, but find myself in tears even writing this. I know having a family is something I've always wanted but I'm scared to have hope.
I'm sorry this post has been so long. Maybe I just needed to tell someone how I was feeling and that people would understand where I'm coming from. I can't talk to my mum because she gets too upset and my DH doesn't understand (my miscarriages weren't with my current partner).
Best wishes to everyone.

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Old Sep 13th, 2018, 11:55 AM   2
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NH USA
Posts: 5,401
test again! I hope it's a BFP!
AF can play complete mind games on you, that's the truth. I hope it's not that and you finally got your lucky BFP!

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Old Sep 18th, 2018, 13:21 PM   3
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 237
I really hoping you get your BFP. Youíve been through a lot and you sound like an incredibly strong person, youíll get through this which ever way it goes. I hope you feel better for posting and just getting it out there, I think itís therapeutic! Please let us know how you get on.

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Old Sep 19th, 2018, 00:39 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK ☔
Posts: 114,611
Fingers crossed for a BFP!

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Old Sep 22nd, 2018, 05:55 AM   5
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: East Sussex, UK
Posts: 444
Fingers crossed for you!

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