Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 14:54 PM   1
tessjs
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 878

Tears tantrums,devastation


SO....... last night I wanted to BD Thought I should do that as I had huge amount of CM i mean huge.... but guess who didn't want to.....
So there was tears tantrums and now I am not talking to my husband of three months...

I'm 38 running out of time or have run out of time.I have explained the small window of fertility per month to him but last night sorry for TMI he couldn't get it up.... it was awful......

I am left devastated as i knew from all my symptoms that this was the fertile day...I knew deep down we had to BD.

we don't seem to do it enough, and nowhere near enough to make a baby.

I have resigned myself to IVF now thats if we're even together...I just don't understand he knows how much I want a a baby he has said he wants one and yet he only wants to do it whenever he feels like it which is not often enough...

what am i going to do i am just shattered this morning.I wanted to try naturally as I can't see a cheaper IVF clinic till 7 th march...,Its like all I have learned on here and all I have put into practise means nothing to him..he just seems to be not interested.I haven't been talking about stuff, keep it to myself and The only thing I did wrong was leave some OPK's in the bathroom,so i guess he saw them and flipped...

Its like i am shooting myself in the foot all the time.I am just so bereft right now.I wanted january to be successful... we only bd' last fri and sunday night...My opks have been a bit weird and my temps all over the place... what hope have I got?

I need any words from anybody right now.



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:07 PM   2
pinkerbelle
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 203
I didn't want to read and run. But all I can do is send you a big hug and loads of baby dust. I don't really know what else to say, so sorry. X x x



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:21 PM   3
tryn4
Pregnant (Expecting)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: originally from Jamaica, live in Toronto
Posts: 1,463
Well when I really started ttc & charting seriously when it didnt happen naturally as I thought it would ( i have 4 kids hubby has none) my husband and I had a similar blow up. I was really tracking when best to bd etc and it felt like he was almost sabotaging my fertile time and it was making me feel inadequate and really frustrated. So I stopped talking to him for days, until it finally came to a head and basically not being able to get me pregnant is making him feel like less of a man, and he told me he wants it so bad but it's his problem since i have had kids before and we also has his sperm analyzed and he does have a motility issue. What i explained to him is that as much as i want it for me i want it for him too, and since this does seem like we are going to need help he needs to be all in. It is not a situation that will work out without both of us. I think perhaps your husband is perhaps feeling a blow to his male ego and you just need to have a good chat and let all the feelings out. Sometimes you have to treat them like kids and word things in a way that make them feel like the MAN lol if you know what i mean. Which may take some clever and choice wording from you. Now my hubs has come around he takes vitamins, and we use preseed and he happily bd with me anytime, but I had to give him the silent treatment for a few days, then get angry, have it out and finally he opened up. I know exactly what you are going thru!!!!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:23 PM   4
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 942
Sorry to hear you're not having the best of times. You say a lot of negative things in your post and maybe thats whats getting you both down. I may not be in the same boat as you but i see it with my patients a lot that stress, urgency and panic causes all sorts of problems. Why not try classing yourself as NTNP? Maybe even a slight change will make all the difference. I know from my own experience that i stressed my fiancee so much that he simply said no to sex and he completly lost his libdo. I dont think we realise how much it affects the men in our lives. I only recently thought about it and dragged his feelings out of him. Im sorry if my reply hasnt helped but i wish you all the luck in the world :-) Chin up xxx



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:31 PM   5
tessjs
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teri7489 View Post
Sorry to hear you're not having the best of times. You say a lot of negative things in your post and maybe thats whats getting you both down. I may not be in the same boat as you but i see it with my patients a lot that stress, urgency and panic causes all sorts of problems. Why not try classing yourself as NTNP? Maybe even a slight change will make all the difference. I know from my own experience that i stressed my fiancee so much that he simply said no to sex and he completly lost his libdo. I dont think we realise how much it affects the men in our lives. I only recently thought about it and dragged his feelings out of him. Im sorry if my reply hasnt helped but i wish you all the luck in the world :-) Chin up xxx
What is NTNP? sorry for my naivety. its very difficult when you are 38 and time has run out.Last night It was al about fun and I never mentioned anything to do with TTC.. In fact sorry for the TMI but I felt like it last night..but obviously he didn't...



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:37 PM   6
kajastarlight
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,532
oh hun, I am so sorry. I can relate, my OH decided one day that he wanted to stop ttc for now and to wait for 6months to a year before we start ttc. He knows I have polycycstic ovarian syndrome and a tilted uterus so it will be hard for me to get pregnant anyway and if I go back on birth controle it will make things even harder when we decide to try again. I also explained to him (and when I say explained I mean stuttered while crying) that he can't just pull something like that out from under me!!! I was so very hurt. But I did notice he was particularly emotional about many things that day and when I thought about it, he had been for a few days. I hoped against all hope that it was just that he was having some kind of Man PMS. About 4 days after that he was telling me that he heard there were specific kinds of lube that made it easier to conceave and I was all - wow, what happened to you think we should wait. He looked kinda sheepish and said he did think it would be better to wait for better finances but then he was at the store and saw a cute little baby and realized he didn't want to wait.... I will pray your OH decides to change his mind too. Obviously you know him way better than I do, but maybe giving him a few days to process your discussion then bringing it up again will help?



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:42 PM   7
tessjs
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 878
Quote:
Originally Posted by kajastarlight View Post
oh hun, I am so sorry. I can relate, my OH decided one day that he wanted to stop ttc for now and to wait for 6months to a year before we start ttc. He knows I have polycycstic ovarian syndrome and a tilted uterus so it will be hard for me to get pregnant anyway and if I go back on birth controle it will make things even harder when we decide to try again. I also explained to him (and when I say explained I mean stuttered while crying) that he can't just pull something like that out from under me!!! I was so very hurt. But I did notice he was particularly emotional about many things that day and when I thought about it, he had been for a few days. I hoped against all hope that it was just that he was having some kind of Man PMS. About 4 days after that he was telling me that he heard there were specific kinds of lube that made it easier to conceave and I was all - wow, what happened to you think we should wait. He looked kinda sheepish and said he did think it would be better to wait for better finances but then he was at the store and saw a cute little baby and realized he didn't want to wait.... I will pray your OH decides to change his mind too. Obviously you know him way better than I do, but maybe giving him a few days to process your discussion then bringing it up again will help?
He hasn't said he doesn't want to try its just when it came time to do the deed last night he was nowhere to be found when it was a good time ... he has said sorry and he does feel bad.And i know he is sorry but where does that leave me.I know it sounds selfish But I actually do want this for both of us... Its not just about me wanting to be a mother...



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 15:50 PM   8
kajastarlight
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,532
Hmmmm, well I hope things work out for you. *hugs* I still think it might be good to give him a few days and talk about it again. Maybe even see if he would be OK with the whole NTNP thing (not trying not preventing) that might take some strain off of both of you as suggested above.



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 16:14 PM   9
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by tessjs View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teri7489 View Post
Sorry to hear you're not having the best of times. You say a lot of negative things in your post and maybe thats whats getting you both down. I may not be in the same boat as you but i see it with my patients a lot that stress, urgency and panic causes all sorts of problems. Why not try classing yourself as NTNP? Maybe even a slight change will make all the difference. I know from my own experience that i stressed my fiancee so much that he simply said no to sex and he completly lost his libdo. I dont think we realise how much it affects the men in our lives. I only recently thought about it and dragged his feelings out of him. Im sorry if my reply hasnt helped but i wish you all the luck in the world :-) Chin up xxx
What is NTNP? sorry for my naivety. its very difficult when you are 38 and time has run out.Last night It was al about fun and I never mentioned anything to do with TTC.. In fact sorry for the TMI but I felt like it last night..but obviously he didn't...
It means not trying not preventing. Ie, not charting, temps, or that. Just simply having your relationship as is. Having sex when you want to. I feel much better doing that instead of getting stressed. I know its easier said than done. Dont give up yet. My little sister was wanted for 8 long years after i was born. My mum was 37 when she finally got her. Her friend had her little boy at 39. Time hasnt run out so keep trying xxx



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 7th, 2013, 16:24 PM   10
tessjs
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 878
hes just told me he had a can of energy drink and blames issues on that for last night.here i am cutting out caffeine which i love and doing the right thing and then he does that rubbish..i have no hope



Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
devastation , tantrums , tears

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search






SEO by vBSEO