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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 09:30 AM   1
skookie
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Any thoughts on the "it will happen when you stop trying" philosophy?


I have heard that phrase more often this cycle than any other. Even yesterday at the dentist, I mentioned to the dentist and the assistant that we were TTC and they both said almost simultaneously "You will get pregnant once you stop trying."

Can anyone enlighten me as to how "stopping trying" would look from a practical standpoint. I mean obviously you can't stop trying the technical aspect of it. And my cycles are regular, everything happens on pretty much the same day each cycle, and I can't forget that I'm fertile or not fertile at certain points in my cycle. What does stopping trying mean? No OPK's or temping? No lying down on my back for a while afterwards because I wouldn't normally do that after sex? No babyandbump forum?

And honestly.. what is it that makes people think not trying will help the pregnancy occur? Is it the anxiety of trying that people think prevents a pregnancy somehow? because women are always anxious, not just about TTC. or is it just peoples' way of joking about how things in life are "ironic?" like "isn't it funny how right when you stop trying you get pregnant?" people say the same thing about finding a husband but I never really bought into it (although I never really obsessed over that the way I have been at times with TTC). I just keep hearing it so much and wanted to see what other peoples' thoughts were.

thanks :-)



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 11:59 AM   2
Solus
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I think that is an excellent question, one that I hope someone here would be good at giving an answer to.

I have a cousin, among other friends in the same boat, but this cousin tried for six months unsuccessfully. She said the month she "quit trying" she got pregnant. I am with you, I want to know what it means. Honestly, I hate hearing it. It drives me nuts! But at this point, I don't know what else to do. Trying had gotten me nowhere. But like you, I just can't stop thinking altogether about it. I dunno... Again, great question! I want to hear what others have to say. I have read in many places that women who use methods to track ovulation get pregnant quicker, and to me that is the opposite of not trying so I am utterly confused.



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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 12:03 PM   3
just4lafs
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I've been wondering the same thing (on cycle 8 of TTC, now)... I hear it again and again - and like you, I wonder how to "quit trying!"



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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 12:47 PM   4
skookie
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haha.. thanks girls. glad i'm not the only one perplexed by this...

i kind of liken this to the thought that bees can smell fear. which makes me more afraid, which makes the bees smell me even more, etc. etc...

it's like, worrying that i'm too anxious causes more anxiety, and trying not to pressure myself is pressure in itself!



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 12:51 PM   5
Ariannda
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This phrase annoys me. My mother (im adopted) had a ruptured appendix as a child and she was told she'd probably never conceive. She did take BC early in their marriage just in case, because they weren't ready for a baby, another 10 years later she turned up pregnant after they'd adopted me and were in the process of another adoption. But they never "gave up". I dont think they ever tried either but they didn't get pregnant when they "stopped trying"

I have 4 kids, i never intended on getting pregnant, i just never prevented it and we were ok with it. now when im "trying" i have been "trying" not to become obsessed, i am trying to realize that my cycle may be off a day or 2 so im not pregnant just because AF is a day late. I still look at my fertility app because i want to know "around" the time im ovulating because i dont want to miss it, but lately ive decided im making myself neurotic about it and i need to try to to relax. Luckily i can't keep my hands off my husband (which is new for me TBH) so i dont think we have to worry about missing the O date



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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 12:56 PM   6
skookie
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interesting story! and good points.. it's interesting because i think TTC has taken a slight toll on our intimacy otherwise.. don't get me wrong, we are still normal/active, and love to connect in that way.. but the pressure of doing it "enough times," in "exactly the right way," during the "fertile period" actually has the potential to put a damper on things throughout the rest of the month.



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 13:02 PM   7
Ariannda
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I think thats the problem, when TTC becomes a chore, it's not longer fun, it's a job. I dont temp and i dont chart and i dont check CM because i think it would make me more neurotic. I do have DH check my cervical position around the time i should be ovulating. I was married for 10 years previously and i felt "used" and i did not enjoy sex with him at all. I adore my husband, he truly makes me feel loved and wanted and desired and i cant keep my hands off him, which means we BD ALL the time. We actually need to cut back to daily during the luteal phase and then EOD when not TTC lol

Thats the best i can suggest, dont "quit trying" just remember it's not a chore, and sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable !



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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 13:13 PM   8
skookie
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that's excellent advice! & i'm so glad you found what you described in your marriage!



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 13:19 PM   9
Ariannda
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Me too We've known each other since HS as well. He was my fat, nerdy, shy and quite guy friend who became my BFF. Turns out he's the one



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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 13:23 PM   10
skookie
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i love that!



 
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