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Old Jul 29th, 2017, 21:13 PM   1
Dill
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Well, I'm back!


Our LO is 20 months old and I've found myself here! The second thing I told my husband after giving birth was "Never again!"

Well, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. Labor was terrible (2 weeks overdue and nearly 2 weeks of prodromal labor, 34 hours after induction, 2 rounds of misoprostol and 2 of pitocin, unmedicated due to health issues, baby got stuck and nearly needed a c-section). I told hubs that there was NO WAY I could go through it a second time. I've been fighting against having a second child, especially as more and more people push me about it. "You owe it to your son!" I still have sciatica from it, I still have a weak bladder from it, I put back on half of the "baby weight" once I started weaning (a process which still isn't complete, sigh).

Anyway, I wouldn't undo it for the world. My kiddo is my life! I'm just not sure how I'm going to do this a second time, or how we'll manage with two! I'm lucky enough to be a WAHM with a full-time job and a part-time business, but it's a struggle to juggle work, a toddler, animals, cooking, cleaning, etc. I don't know how supermoms do it!

After having to quit my office job, I consequently lost my health insurance, and I'm about to get coverage again through my husband's new job. Soooooo once I get a chance to go in and get a pelvic exam, if everything is okay, I'll be asking my doc to remove my IUD so we can TTC again. I'm terrified.

If anyone recognizes me from last time, you know my son was my fifth pregnancy, with 4 losses before him. I've since lost 2 more. I don't know why I am so prone to pregnancy even with an IUD in, but it runs in the family. No birth control can stop us. The problem is, as always, carrying to term. Women in my family lose more than they carry to term.

Now I'll also be dealing with the joys of being on the cusp of "advanced maternal age" at the doddering grandmotherly age of 34.

Part of me is scared that there will be something wrong with the ol' lady parts and I won't get clearance from my doc for a second child. Sex has been painful ever since I gave birth, probably a combination of a weak pelvic floor and the fact that the birthing process popped some old scar tissue inside my vagina, which required stitches. (Not a perineal tear, he literally popped my vajayjay open from the inside.) Part of me is scared of the inevitable miscarriage until one "sticks." Part of me is scared -- thanks, Mom! -- that I won't even be able to conceive because I've aged a few years. And then there is the sheer terror of another laboring disaster.

As always, I've rambled on much too long, but I wanted to warn you that I'll be back soon! I'll be ordering my favorite handy-dandy ovulation and pregnancy test strips in bulk shortly.



 
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Old Jul 29th, 2017, 22:32 PM   2
drudai
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Stalking.

Welcome back. And yep, we're crazy. Hormones from labor make us forget trauma after, it seems. All I can think about is a new squishy baby with lots of rolls. I think you'll be fine at 34.

Are you going to try for VBAC?



 
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Old Jul 29th, 2017, 23:05 PM   3
Dill
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I am not super eager to have two LOs in diapers, and trying to juggle a full-time job and the business with two LOs, and being crazy sleep deprived... but the urge is there, and hubby really wants two, and kiddo would benefit from a sibling. So here I am!

I didn't have a C-section, so I am shooting for another unmedicated vaginal birth. I'd hoped to use a birth center -- had a reservation and everything -- last time, but there were complications. I hope I don't have similar issues this time. I'm pretty worried about it. And even if everything does go according to plan (ha!), baby #2 will almost certainly pop that scar tissue again. Because of my health issues, a c-section is a life-threatening procedure, so it is to be avoided unless there are no other options! Which is another scary risk.

I am really, truly afraid. I just hope that fear goes away once pregnancy hormones are in play so that it doesn't cause further L&D issues.



 
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Old Jul 29th, 2017, 23:35 PM   4
drudai
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Skipped the word "nearly" needed c section.

I'll be jealous of your kids age gap. It's a bummer DS and his future little sibling will be nearly 5 years apart, but nothing to be done about that now. He has ASD, still in pull ups, so I get you on 2 kids in diapers. It stresses me out too.



 
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Old Jul 29th, 2017, 23:52 PM   5
BunInTheBelly
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Hi! My son's also 20 months and we're trying for baby number 2! I didn't have anything as intense as what you went through with the birth process, but I did have an unplanned C-section and a rough first two months. If I could choose, I wouldn't go through all that again.

You have a lot of real concerns, but there's also a sweet and cuddly light at the end of the tunnel! I'm looking forward to trying along with you!



 
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Old Jul 30th, 2017, 04:59 AM   6
Buffyx
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Hey Dill! I remember you from when I was TTC #1. I have a 22 month old DD, and similarly, I said I was NEVER doing that again. Yet, when she was 4 months old, I found myself pregnant again with DS who is now 10 months old. I had a csection with him due to the complications of my first labour.

And..here I am again TTC #3. We are on second cycle & I am around 9dpo. It will be 110% our last baby. I swear all I do is change nappies and get babies down for naps all day, but so worth it

Good luck!! Hopefully the second time around isnt so bad



 
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Old Jul 30th, 2017, 11:36 AM   7
cutestuff
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May I join?? My dd is also 20 months and we are more ntnp than ttc and have been ntnp since may . Dh told me last night he wants another soon. I too had a traumatic l and d. I was induced at 37 weeks due to hypertension and then had a hemerrage where I lost almost half my blood volume so im nervousI too. Not to mention dd is still nursing and in diapers and I am not sure I can handle tandem nursing. Heres hoping it doesnt take as long this time around....



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Old Jul 30th, 2017, 15:00 PM   8
Dill
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Oh gosh, working as much as I do (40-60 hours per week) with a small hobby farm and a rambunctious toddler, I don't have time for washing twice as many diapers and spending hours at a time nursing. I'm not sure how we'll manage. I mean, we will, but it's going to be so hard!

As far as the age gap goes, hopefully we can get a "sticky" egg pretty quickly. I've already had so many people (again, WHY) tell me that I've missed "the window" for an ideal age difference. We just weren't ready! I'm still not really ready, but it's kind of a "now or never," ha!

cutestuff, that does sound very traumatic! It's hard to face another pregnancy with those sorts of bad memories looming. I friend of mine told me that his wife had a labor very similar to mine (such a nightmare) for #1, but that #2 was over in just a few hours and with no complications. Here's hoping the next goes easier for us both!!!!



 
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Old Jul 30th, 2017, 15:32 PM   9
cutestuff
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Dill you are busy. I agree when you have to deal with issues because of or related to pregnancy its harder to feel confident with doing it again. As for age gap I can only gage for me. I was less than 2 years older than my sister and there was a lot of competition. I'm 5 years older than my brother and again no relationship because he's not quite where I am though it is getting easier. I personally think 2.5-3.5 years difference is easier cause you can still get that time alone to bond with baby and the older one is old enough to want to help and communicate. BTW I will be 33 in November so I think you are still young



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Old Jul 30th, 2017, 16:43 PM   10
BunInTheBelly
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Yes, WHY do people say stuff like you've missed the best age gap? Seriously, people!

There's a website that lists the pros and cons for each age gap, both practical ones and ones that health studies have shown. Like at X number of years, the second kid is more likely to report a close relationship but also more likely to have asthma. It's a long list for each age gap, and the take away message is: there is no best gap!

Cute stuff: A lot of kids wean during pregnancy. Reportedly, taste and flow change and it just puts the kid off.



 
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