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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 10:02 AM   11
ToriTami
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A few months ago, I found out that my little brother was unexpectedly having his first child. I was happy for him, but a bit let down for me also. Just 2 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant too. Unfortunately I had a d&c at 8 weeks. It sucks, and there is no right way to feel. I get the feeling that some people in my family think that it should be me instead of him, and that complicated my emotions a bit more.

My hubby's family has an army of kids, and I'm fine being around them. But during the holidays, seeing how good he is with his baby nephews really made me feel like s**t.

It sucks to struggle with infertility, but we have to press on.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 11:10 AM   12
Babybum35
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Hi. I can relate in a coiple ways to both people involved. I had been with my husband 10 years or so when we were ttc my dd. In that time one of my coworkers got pregnant and it was really hard on me cause she wasn't trying nor were they really wanting a kid. They weren't even married so I felt like why not me. I got gregnant a few months after her delivery but it sucked. Now we are ttc no 2 while still regularly bf so we haven't had much luck even with regular cycles...apparently even if you ovulate bf your lining doesn't build up enough to implant so who knows how long it will take. This time around my bosses wife got pregnant with their no 3 no trying close to 40 or 45 is and the dad doesn't like babies and didn't want it.it's hard when you hear about stuff like suprise or unwanted pregnancies when you are trying so hard to get pregnant you could and often do scream.
That said in some ways I am your sister. I was 31 when delivering dd so not in age or desire to have a baby but when I was first getting pregnant my husband lost his job and couldn't find another and we got evicted when I was 8 months pregnant on to of our only working car breaking down about then too. So it was not an ideal situation. I didn't know but a couple years prior to my pregnancy my sister had an etopic pregnancy and lost the tube and hadn't been able to get pregnant since so it was hard for her that I got pregnant. We also don't have a good relationship so in some ways I wish becoming pregnant had changed that. She doesn't really see my dad except for family gatherings and it's really hard on me that we don't have a relationship. I obviously don't know how to fix it as when you live so long in that area of resentment and blame it's hard to get over it and let it go. I guess my point is that your sister can't control her circumstances anymore than you can and if at all possible you should force your involvement. Show her she can rely on you and that you want to be in her life. I wish my mom and sister had done that for me....



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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 16:41 PM   13
tankel
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I have no real advice. I just didn't want to read and run. I do agree that hearing about unwanted pregnancies, and sometime wanted pregnancies, sucks when you are TTC and see month after month of bfns.



 
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Old Jan 14th, 2018, 08:25 AM   14
Robynxo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriTami View Post



A few months ago, I found out that my little brother was unexpectedly having his first child. I was happy for him, but a bit let down for me also. Just 2 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant too. Unfortunately I had a d&c at 8 weeks. It sucks, and there is no right way to feel. I get the feeling that some people in my family think that it should be me instead of him, and that complicated my emotions a bit more.

My hubby's family has an army of kids, and I'm fine being around them. But during the holidays, seeing how good he is with his baby nephews really made me feel like s**t.

It sucks to struggle with infertility, but we have to press on.
That is so me on holidays, no matter who I see. They always seem so bleak and pointless without children around.

I totally get what you're feeling. My family felt it should be me too... I guess our time will come one day. Not a fun thing to say, and it's not necessarily fair either... but something we have to live with I guess.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Babybum35 View Post
Hi. I can relate in a coiple ways to both people involved. I had been with my husband 10 years or so when we were ttc my dd. In that time one of my coworkers got pregnant and it was really hard on me cause she wasn't trying nor were they really wanting a kid. They weren't even married so I felt like why not me. I got gregnant a few months after her delivery but it sucked. Now we are ttc no 2 while still regularly bf so we haven't had much luck even with regular cycles...apparently even if you ovulate bf your lining doesn't build up enough to implant so who knows how long it will take. This time around my bosses wife got pregnant with their no 3 no trying close to 40 or 45 is and the dad doesn't like babies and didn't want it.it's hard when you hear about stuff like suprise or unwanted pregnancies when you are trying so hard to get pregnant you could and often do scream.
That said in some ways I am your sister. I was 31 when delivering dd so not in age or desire to have a baby but when I was first getting pregnant my husband lost his job and couldn't find another and we got evicted when I was 8 months pregnant on to of our only working car breaking down about then too. So it was not an ideal situation. I didn't know but a couple years prior to my pregnancy my sister had an etopic pregnancy and lost the tube and hadn't been able to get pregnant since so it was hard for her that I got pregnant. We also don't have a good relationship so in some ways I wish becoming pregnant had changed that. She doesn't really see my dad except for family gatherings and it's really hard on me that we don't have a relationship. I obviously don't know how to fix it as when you live so long in that area of resentment and blame it's hard to get over it and let it go. I guess my point is that your sister can't control her circumstances anymore than you can and if at all possible you should force your involvement. Show her she can rely on you and that you want to be in her life. I wish my mom and sister had done that for me....
I'm sorry to hear that you weren't supported. I know how the resentment builds up over the years. I am definitely not going to let my struggles stop me from caring about my sister or my niece/nephew, it's just a question of how to get over the jealousy and sadness. She showed us her tummy the other day and I nearly cried. I think pregnant bellies are so beautiful.

Thank you for your story. I'm sorry you had to go through that though. Helps me see her side from a real perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tankel View Post
I have no real advice. I just didn't want to read and run. I do agree that hearing about unwanted pregnancies, and sometime wanted pregnancies, sucks when you are TTC and see month after month of bfns.
Yeah, seeing ANY pregnancy makes me sad lol! But I get what you mean about unwanted ones. I guess when you want something so much you'd give your limbs for it, you just can't understand how someone would just give it away. Ah, well, it's not my choice, so I don't even try to explain that to anyone. Anyway, thank you for the comment.



 
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Old Jan 14th, 2018, 09:45 AM   15
Flueky88
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I'm sorry for your struggles. It's so hard when you want something so bad and it's not happening. I think the thought of it may never happen was the most soul crushing. DH tried to help me have a more positive outlook that it would happen. He was right, we ttc for 18 months and blessed with our DD. I hope you are blessed soon too. As far as dealing with the jealousy, I really don't have advice. The only pregnancy I dealt with during my ttc journey was SIL, it was at the start of ttc when I was more hopeful.

Other than that it was feeling jealous of the other girls in the monthly testing threads. I was happy for them but also do jealous that it wasn't me.

I'm not sure how is handle it in your situation, but I think our been given sound advice already. I'm sure she is petrified and her life is being changed in a huge way in which she hadn't envisioned. Hormones can really wreck your emotions while pregnant too.

I hope that you get pregnant soon and you can have a better relationship with your sister.



 
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