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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 09:02 AM   11
ToriTami
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A few months ago, I found out that my little brother was unexpectedly having his first child. I was happy for him, but a bit let down for me also. Just 2 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant too. Unfortunately I had a d&c at 8 weeks. It sucks, and there is no right way to feel. I get the feeling that some people in my family think that it should be me instead of him, and that complicated my emotions a bit more.

My hubby's family has an army of kids, and I'm fine being around them. But during the holidays, seeing how good he is with his baby nephews really made me feel like s**t.

It sucks to struggle with infertility, but we have to press on.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 10:10 AM   12
Babybum35
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Hi. I can relate in a coiple ways to both people involved. I had been with my husband 10 years or so when we were ttc my dd. In that time one of my coworkers got pregnant and it was really hard on me cause she wasn't trying nor were they really wanting a kid. They weren't even married so I felt like why not me. I got gregnant a few months after her delivery but it sucked. Now we are ttc no 2 while still regularly bf so we haven't had much luck even with regular cycles...apparently even if you ovulate bf your lining doesn't build up enough to implant so who knows how long it will take. This time around my bosses wife got pregnant with their no 3 no trying close to 40 or 45 is and the dad doesn't like babies and didn't want it.it's hard when you hear about stuff like suprise or unwanted pregnancies when you are trying so hard to get pregnant you could and often do scream.
That said in some ways I am your sister. I was 31 when delivering dd so not in age or desire to have a baby but when I was first getting pregnant my husband lost his job and couldn't find another and we got evicted when I was 8 months pregnant on to of our only working car breaking down about then too. So it was not an ideal situation. I didn't know but a couple years prior to my pregnancy my sister had an etopic pregnancy and lost the tube and hadn't been able to get pregnant since so it was hard for her that I got pregnant. We also don't have a good relationship so in some ways I wish becoming pregnant had changed that. She doesn't really see my dad except for family gatherings and it's really hard on me that we don't have a relationship. I obviously don't know how to fix it as when you live so long in that area of resentment and blame it's hard to get over it and let it go. I guess my point is that your sister can't control her circumstances anymore than you can and if at all possible you should force your involvement. Show her she can rely on you and that you want to be in her life. I wish my mom and sister had done that for me....



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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 15:41 PM   13
tankel
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I have no real advice. I just didn't want to read and run. I do agree that hearing about unwanted pregnancies, and sometime wanted pregnancies, sucks when you are TTC and see month after month of bfns.



 
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Old Jan 14th, 2018, 07:25 AM   14
Robynxo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriTami View Post



A few months ago, I found out that my little brother was unexpectedly having his first child. I was happy for him, but a bit let down for me also. Just 2 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant too. Unfortunately I had a d&c at 8 weeks. It sucks, and there is no right way to feel. I get the feeling that some people in my family think that it should be me instead of him, and that complicated my emotions a bit more.

My hubby's family has an army of kids, and I'm fine being around them. But during the holidays, seeing how good he is with his baby nephews really made me feel like s**t.

It sucks to struggle with infertility, but we have to press on.
That is so me on holidays, no matter who I see. They always seem so bleak and pointless without children around.

I totally get what you're feeling. My family felt it should be me too... I guess our time will come one day. Not a fun thing to say, and it's not necessarily fair either... but something we have to live with I guess.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Babybum35 View Post
Hi. I can relate in a coiple ways to both people involved. I had been with my husband 10 years or so when we were ttc my dd. In that time one of my coworkers got pregnant and it was really hard on me cause she wasn't trying nor were they really wanting a kid. They weren't even married so I felt like why not me. I got gregnant a few months after her delivery but it sucked. Now we are ttc no 2 while still regularly bf so we haven't had much luck even with regular cycles...apparently even if you ovulate bf your lining doesn't build up enough to implant so who knows how long it will take. This time around my bosses wife got pregnant with their no 3 no trying close to 40 or 45 is and the dad doesn't like babies and didn't want it.it's hard when you hear about stuff like suprise or unwanted pregnancies when you are trying so hard to get pregnant you could and often do scream.
That said in some ways I am your sister. I was 31 when delivering dd so not in age or desire to have a baby but when I was first getting pregnant my husband lost his job and couldn't find another and we got evicted when I was 8 months pregnant on to of our only working car breaking down about then too. So it was not an ideal situation. I didn't know but a couple years prior to my pregnancy my sister had an etopic pregnancy and lost the tube and hadn't been able to get pregnant since so it was hard for her that I got pregnant. We also don't have a good relationship so in some ways I wish becoming pregnant had changed that. She doesn't really see my dad except for family gatherings and it's really hard on me that we don't have a relationship. I obviously don't know how to fix it as when you live so long in that area of resentment and blame it's hard to get over it and let it go. I guess my point is that your sister can't control her circumstances anymore than you can and if at all possible you should force your involvement. Show her she can rely on you and that you want to be in her life. I wish my mom and sister had done that for me....
I'm sorry to hear that you weren't supported. I know how the resentment builds up over the years. I am definitely not going to let my struggles stop me from caring about my sister or my niece/nephew, it's just a question of how to get over the jealousy and sadness. She showed us her tummy the other day and I nearly cried. I think pregnant bellies are so beautiful.

Thank you for your story. I'm sorry you had to go through that though. Helps me see her side from a real perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tankel View Post
I have no real advice. I just didn't want to read and run. I do agree that hearing about unwanted pregnancies, and sometime wanted pregnancies, sucks when you are TTC and see month after month of bfns.
Yeah, seeing ANY pregnancy makes me sad lol! But I get what you mean about unwanted ones. I guess when you want something so much you'd give your limbs for it, you just can't understand how someone would just give it away. Ah, well, it's not my choice, so I don't even try to explain that to anyone. Anyway, thank you for the comment.



 
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Old Jan 14th, 2018, 08:45 AM   15
Flueky88
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I'm sorry for your struggles. It's so hard when you want something so bad and it's not happening. I think the thought of it may never happen was the most soul crushing. DH tried to help me have a more positive outlook that it would happen. He was right, we ttc for 18 months and blessed with our DD. I hope you are blessed soon too. As far as dealing with the jealousy, I really don't have advice. The only pregnancy I dealt with during my ttc journey was SIL, it was at the start of ttc when I was more hopeful.

Other than that it was feeling jealous of the other girls in the monthly testing threads. I was happy for them but also do jealous that it wasn't me.

I'm not sure how is handle it in your situation, but I think our been given sound advice already. I'm sure she is petrified and her life is being changed in a huge way in which she hadn't envisioned. Hormones can really wreck your emotions while pregnant too.

I hope that you get pregnant soon and you can have a better relationship with your sister.



 
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Old May 3rd, 2018, 06:29 AM   16
Robynxo
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Hey ladies. I thought I would update my situation.

My nephew was born about a week or two ago. Heís very beautiful and healthy. I adore him. Iím still not pregnant but hopeful.

My sister and I have gotten along better. Weíre not best friends, maybe not even friends, but we chat and sometimes go out as a group and weíre civil.

She lives with my mom, who is now tasked with her very busy (at home) career and watching her grandchild for many hours a day. I worry she may have troubles with her employer since she is taking a lot of time off to watch the baby for my sister. My sister and her boyfriend, however, sleep a lot and donít have jobs. My mother wants me to come over for about 6 hours a day and watch the baby to help (which I have been for the most part). However, my personal life has now been unorganized and slacking because Iíve been spending too much time watching the baby so my mom can work.

Itís a whole new can of worms. I love the baby and my mom, so I do it for their sake, but I want more time at my own home. I donít think Iíd want to be at their house daily even if they paid me. Iíd watch the baby at my house but my sister isnít too keen on it. I donít have a traditional job as Iím trying to start a small business so my hours are flexible but I havenít done any work since the baby was born.

Iím trying to help. And my pregnancy envy has gone away since he was born. But now Iím just sad. I want to help, but I also want them to take care of their own child.

Anyway, wishing you ladies the best. Thank you again for your comments in a dark time of mine.



 
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Old May 4th, 2018, 03:38 AM   17
mummy.1987
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bless u, i do know how u feel (im guessing alot of us TTC do) i do however have 3 lovely kids ages 8,7 and nearly 6, but me and my now husband have been TTC for a year, hs not the biological dad of my other 3, but they all do share the same dad, and even with my 3 kids i also feel jealous of pregnant people, my best mate recenitly had a baby and once she told me she was pregnant i just stopped talking to her, it was to difficult i guess i just wanted to say, keep trying and ur time will come hopefully soon for u, and im here for u if u ever want to chat, just pm me, big hugs x



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Old May 4th, 2018, 15:35 PM   18
Dill
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That sounds very difficult. I'm not sure I understand why other family members (you and your mom) are stuck caring for the baby when neither of the parents has a job to keep them from doing it themselves?



 
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Old May 4th, 2018, 19:48 PM   19
Robynxo
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Well, to answer your question, Dill...

My mother doesnít want my sister to run off with her boyfriend. She wants to be able to see her daughter and grandson. If my mom does anything to upset my sister or her boyfriend (like make sure theyíre responsible), they say they want to move back out of state with the baby. Her boyfriend is also pretty manipulative. He wants to move out of state to party with friends and Iím sure my sister misses that too. So my mom is careful with what she says around her to keep her happy.

Which ultimately means that my mom and my other sisters all help with the baby so my sister doesnít get upset or stressed.

I just feel bad for my mom... But I canít do anything or stand up for her because I know that they will all end up angry at me instead.



 
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Old May 4th, 2018, 20:09 PM   20
Dill
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That's terrible! They are using the baby as a bargaining chip, and that's not okay. I have a sister who has done the same thing to my parents in the past. My parents ended up calling her bluff. She needs their help with childcare too much to go through with hauling the kids off somewhere else.

I know you don't want to upset your mom, or risk upsetting your (lazy) sister for fear of things ending up badly, but you also can't let them take advantage of you. Can you at least get paid for all the time you're putting in, since you're missing out on work opportunities so your sister can happily freeload?



 
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