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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 15:36 PM   1
Robynxo
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Teenage Sister Pregnant While I'm Struggling: How to Deal with Emotions?


UPDATED PAGE 2.

CAUTION: There may be some triggering content ahead for certain individuals.

I am just a mess in the last day or so.

I will try to make it as short as possible. I am in my early 20's and I have PCOS and have been unsuccessfully TTC/NTNP for about 3 to 4 years.

I have a younger sister, whom I used to be really close to, until she hit her teens. Then she picked up a life of some drugs, drinking, partying, boyfriends, etc. We became opposites. I wanted to settle down with my high school sweetheart and (hopefully) someday become a SAHM. I don't really know her plans, but I know settling down isn't one of them.

She is very irresponsible, doing things from crashing multiple vehicles to stealing. She recently costed my mother 30k in a lawsuit because she let her friend drive her car drunk, and he totaled it. The court ruled that the blame was on my mother, instead of the group of drunk, underage kids or the driver's mother. This is one of the many reasons we drifted apart, as I do have some bitter emotion for how careless of other people she is, and she is bitter at me for being bitter at her. We don't really talk, I try to be courteous to her, but she always has some bad blood with me no matter what.

I just found out yesterday morning from my mother that my 18 year old sister is 6 months pregnant. She only confided in me this because my sister's boyfriend is acting completely inappropriate and she couldn't explain the situation without the major detail of her pregnancy. My mother was the only one who knew before she told me. Immediately, I was crushed and sobbing.

My sister doesn't want the baby. She went in for an abortion but didn't know how far along she was. They told her they would not do an abortion at 6 months, so she is considering adoption.

She also said she doesn't want to let my mother take care of him or her, because she is apparently afraid I will end up taking care of her baby. This would be extremely possible considering my mother and I are close and I do so much for my mother's household. I basically run her house for her (she is a very busy woman, long story short. I don't mind it), so I can see why she would believe I would end up taking care of the baby.

Of course, this is all my sister's decision. I have not tried to turn the outcome either way, especially since my sister doesn't know that I know.



Anyway, this is what I have been going through. I'm not sure how to deal with the emotions I have. I'm jealous, angry, depressed, and secretly excited for the baby all at once. How do you deal with others sharing their good (or bad) news when you've been struggling with TTC? I was fine and hopeful before I found out, and now I'm crushed. I was supposed to have my mother's first grandchild. I know it's a selfish thought, but I am so crushed by the news and don't know what to do. I guess I just needed to vent to you ladies. I know how some outside perspective can clear things up.



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 16:22 PM   2
xarlenex
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I have no advice, and there probably isn't a right thing to say either, I didn't want to read and run xx



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 16:43 PM   3
Robynxo
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Thank you, xarlenex. I don't know if there is anything to say either, to be honest. It's a sticky situation for all. But thank you again for the comment.



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 17:01 PM   4
krissie328
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Big hugs hun! It took us 8.5 years to get pregnant with our first. Those years were incredibly painful and I couldn't imagine how heartbreaking it would have been to experience what you are going through.

Even now I sometimes look at people and wonder why they got it so easy when they don't seem to have anything going for them. It just hurts and it really sucks.

My best suggestion would probably be to seek out some counseling. I did 5 ish months of CBT and really found it helped when we were struggling ttc #2.



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 17:31 PM   5
Robynxo
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I have definitely been considering it lately, krissie.

I feel a lot of happiness that you finally got your babies. How wonderful for you. I'm hoping my story has that happy ending too.

Thank you for the comment, it helps so much.



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2018, 23:18 PM   6
MKaykes
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What a horrible situation! It feels so unfair when someone who doesn't want to have a baby gets that gift when you've been wanting it for so long.

It doesn't sound like it, but if your sister was okay with you adopting the baby, would you consider that?

I hope your family gets through this. My sister has had 3 unplanned, non ideal pregnancies (long before I was TTC) but even looking back on our experiences I feel it is unfair, so I can't imagine it staring me straight in the face!



 
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Old Jan 8th, 2018, 04:19 AM   7
Robynxo
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MKaykes, we have considered it and it was suggested by my mother as well. As of right now, my sister has agreed to keep her baby and she plans on moving into the state to be close to my mother. She is staying with her boyfriend too, which is a bit difficult but a whole different bad situation. She has all the support in the world, with or without the fathers help. But she is very back and forth and has always said she would move near us and be close with family but always going running back to our home state to be around friends. If it ever came to it, I would do anything to keep the baby in the family, including paying all adoption fees and changing my whole life around for him or her. It's a very unlikely possibility, but as long as she's trying and being more responsible, I'm definitely okay with her being the mother and honestly prefer it if it turns her life around.

Thanks for the comment, and I hear you on the unfairness. It's no fun to have to deal with your relatives not wanting their children when it's the only thing you want in the world. My mom was the same way, and each pregnancy was in a not so ideal situation with an abusive man, just like my sister. It's stirs up a lot of negative feelings in me and I don't mean it to or want it to, but I know that my mother loves all of her children more than anything and even though she never thought about kids when she had us, she would never change a thing. I'm hoping my sister feels the same when she finally meets her baby, and understands what a miracle she is going through.



 
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Old Jan 10th, 2018, 13:55 PM   8
agse
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I am so sorry you are going through this! What a tough situation and I completely understand why you would have the emotions you have! I'm guessing it doesn't seem fair. I'm sorry that your relationship with your sister is declining! It sounds like she has made a lot of mistakes to hurt the family! I know how hard it is to reach out to others when we feel like they don't deserve it due to their behavior. It's easier to hold grudges and stay away! It sounds like you really want this baby to be part of your family..deep down. As tough as this situation is, do you think you could use it as an opportunity to reach out to your sister and mend the broken relationship? Reach out to her in love..even if she doesn't reciprocate? I can only imagine she is probably pretty scared about this whole thing and as much as she is fighting against her family, maybe what she really needs is love and support. She may fight against it...but this could be a good thing to bring your family relationships back together. Sometimes the toughest situations are the ones where healing can take place if we are willing to reach out and put aside our own feelings. And in this situation, ultimately, the baby is the one that needs to be thought about the most! Just some thoughts! Best of luck to you! I don't know your spiritual beliefs but I will be praying for you and your family!



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Old Jan 10th, 2018, 14:39 PM   9
Robynxo
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Hi asge,

Thank your for your prayers. We don't know much about the overall health of the baby so it is much needed. She has had one ultrasound, and I hope she will go see a doctor to rule out any issues, considering she drank a lot early on. We just want some peace of mind with that.

As for reaching out, it has been on my mind lately. I am going to try my hardest, I'm no good at emotional things, but I'm trying put that aside. She just got to my mothers' in the past hour, and I am terrified to see her. I get very emotional in the presence of pregnant ladies or children these days. It's not a fun way to live because I love being around kids! We shall see. I'm praying for peace as well.



 
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Old Jan 11th, 2018, 14:22 PM   10
xMissxZoiex
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Big hugs, Don't think there is a right answer for you.

I had big struggles TTC too, we had been TTC for years and were going though a miscarriage when someone close to me fell pregnant and they struggled with the early months so I was having the baby every other weekend and it was hard!, a few years later we were going though IVF and they announced they were pregnant while we were midcycle and it almost killed me. Our IVF was successful but our son was stillborn and they had a son around the same time it was incredibly hard.

I think its important to remember that your sister being pregnant isn't affecting your chances. Maybe your sister is in need of support right now, try reaching out to her and I know its so hard to put your feelings to one side but even though your not close anymore I'm sure you could offer her support she is about to have her entire world changed, if she keeps the baby or puts it up for adoption this is about to be traumatic for her.

Big hugs hunny I know what your going though



 
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