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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 06:29 AM   11
hope4bump
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Personally, i dont think you are unreasonable at all. the thing is, what some men dont understand, is that in a year (if everything works correctly) we have only 12 chances to get pregnant, some women dont ovulate every month, so say 25% out of a year you dont ovulate for what ever the reason might be, that leaves you with 9 months to get pregnant, then something serious may happen that prevent us from making love at the right time, take off another month or two, that leaves us with 7 months in wich we may get pregnant, or we have long irregular cycles, skipping 2 months or so, at this point theres only 5 tries left (IN A YEAR) and then men want to go and get stage fright...it is stressfull enough being the women, having to keep everything sweet and walk around with a smile on our faces when our hearts are breaking because we missed yet another opportunity. my dh said he wants to know what, when, how etc, but i am planning on acting as if i dont know, as i dont want him to get nervous and mess it all up. good luck and fx for you....



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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 06:34 AM   12
Scamp
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Hey hun
Big

During the right times its always me that can't seem to get in the mood. I think it's because at the back of my mind I'm so scared it won't happen. We end up just having to do it anyway but it can hurt iykwim
xx



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 06:42 AM   13
babyrock
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Hey...dont get me wrong.....i can understand the dissapointments that you have gone thru and the suggestions i have gone thru are the one's i have read in numerous books and forums that stress is one of the biggest showstoppers in the journey to concieve...

I have a friend who was in a similar situation as yours....and her doc suggested the same to her.....that is..to forget the worries and relax and take it easy..she tried and it worked....she let go of the pressures.....and now she is a mom to a 3 month old son


i know that it does not get any easier....but you could do your bit to try and relax....

I would be keeping you in my prayers...and hope that you get a BFP soon

sorry if any of my statements have annoyed you....



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 06:52 AM   14
PocoHR
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babyrock View Post
Hey...dont get me wrong.....i can understand the dissapointments that you have gone thru and the suggestions i have gone thru are the one's i have read in numerous books and forums that stress is one of the biggest showstoppers in the journey to concieve...

I have a friend who was in a similar situation as yours....and her doc suggested the same to her.....that is..to forget the worries and relax and take it easy..she tried and it worked....she let go of the pressures.....and now she is a mom to a 3 month old son


i know that it does not get any easier....but you could do your bit to try and relax....

I would be keeping you in my prayers...and hope that you get a BFP soon

sorry if any of my statements have annoyed you....

Thanks, I didn't mean to sound like I was snapping at you, I just feel like a raw nerve today. I do try to relax and let go, and I did nothing but have fun and relax a few months, and it didn't get me pregnant. So, now I am changing tactics and really trying. I don't think wanting a baby and trying for one will stop you from getting pregnant. TTC and not succeeding just will after a while, necessarily stress and annoy you. I truly hope you get a BFP soon and you don't become upset and annoyed by it. Its not fun



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 06:57 AM   15
BBgirl
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hey PocoHR. It's really easy for a guy to masturbate, no pressure, otherwise how can they do it in a pot in a clinic so easily? It beats me! It's totally different if he has to perform. Of course you're not being bitchy, you're truly suffering. I totally relate to your pain, because I had 2 miscarriages, 11 weeks and 8 weeks. I've been in a permanent state of grief since the first one, Dec 2008. I'm 41, nearly 42. I feel I am running out of time. Just because he sits on the computer and watches porn and plays with himself doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's good he still has his libido and masturbating stimulates good swimmers! I think you might have reacted badly in the past when he wouldn't or couldn't perform, and it's understandable he might want to avoid feeling like a disappointment again. Even if you were quiet or sad, he would pick up on that and feel like a complete failure. To me the fact that he's on the computer the very time you need him to make a baby with you tells me he is afraid of failing you. He's a man not a machine!

A few suggestions. Organise a couple of nice dates, have a little fun again. Next - every bloke loves a massage, especially if he is a computer addict, he will have a stiff neck and shoulders. Say you'd like to give him a lovely massage, get a massage oil or massage soap from Lush. Just the massage, when you're not in your fertile week. Scrub his back in the shower with those loofah things, my OH loves that. You will rediscover your intimacy as a couple through touch and affection. Focus on intimacy not intercourse, and focus on your non-fertile weeks. Don't refuse sex on your non-fertile weeks, it's bad for your relationship, because it's like punishment. Then next cycle I think it will pay off! All of us girls here are trying to conceive, we are flawed human beings just doing our best.

Try and conceal any information from now on about your fertile week, it is making things worse. He will soon lose track of your cycle, he's a bloke! Your anger comes from pain, but you can't hide your anger, he will know it's there. But touch is healing, and from healing comes passion once again. I am really trying to help because I am suffering just like you, and I am going through a very similar experience. I know it's impossible to relax when you want something this bad. It sounds to me that you are more focused now, which is great. Remember you don't need to be relaxed to make a baby, but you do need to rediscover intimacy in your relationship. Keep us all posted! I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you.



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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 07:39 AM   16
PocoHR
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BBgirl View Post
hey PocoHR. It's really easy for a guy to masturbate, no pressure, otherwise how can they do it in a pot in a clinic so easily? It beats me! It's totally different if he has to perform. Of course you're not being bitchy, you're truly suffering. I totally relate to your pain, because I had 2 miscarriages, 11 weeks and 8 weeks. I've been in a permanent state of grief since the first one, Dec 2008. I'm 41, nearly 42. I feel I am running out of time. Just because he sits on the computer and watches porn and plays with himself doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's good he still has his libido and masturbating stimulates good swimmers! I think you might have reacted badly in the past when he wouldn't or couldn't perform, and it's understandable he might want to avoid feeling like a disappointment again. Even if you were quiet or sad, he would pick up on that and feel like a complete failure. To me the fact that he's on the computer the very time you need him to make a baby with you tells me he is afraid of failing you. He's a man not a machine!

A few suggestions. Organise a couple of nice dates, have a little fun again. Next - every bloke loves a massage, especially if he is a computer addict, he will have a stiff neck and shoulders. Say you'd like to give him a lovely massage, get a massage oil or massage soap from Lush. Just the massage, when you're not in your fertile week. Scrub his back in the shower with those loofah things, my OH loves that. You will rediscover your intimacy as a couple through touch and affection. Focus on intimacy not intercourse, and focus on your non-fertile weeks. Don't refuse sex on your non-fertile weeks, it's bad for your relationship, because it's like punishment. Then next cycle I think it will pay off! All of us girls here are trying to conceive, we are flawed human beings just doing our best.

Try and conceal any information from now on about your fertile week, it is making things worse. He will soon lose track of your cycle, he's a bloke! Your anger comes from pain, but you can't hide your anger, he will know it's there. But touch is healing, and from healing comes passion once again. I am really trying to help because I am suffering just like you, and I am going through a very similar experience. I know it's impossible to relax when you want something this bad. It sounds to me that you are more focused now, which is great. Remember you don't need to be relaxed to make a baby, but you do need to rediscover intimacy in your relationship. Keep us all posted! I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Thanks so much, your post made me cry. I know he feels it, even though I honestly try to be sweet. Its just so hard. I just want a baby. And I feel like we both deserve it. I will really take your suggestions to heart, he's not a great fan of massages but he does like back scratching, so I will do more of that. I can tell he is reaching out to me in a non-sexual way too, wanting to cuddle more and just be together. I don't blame him, its just so miserable this whole business.

Thankfully we have a few fun trips planned for the next couple of months, I think that will help. I am going to stop all treatments and just let go then. I wanted to give "trying" a try this month. Every month we aren't pregnant is becoming like torture though. I really hope it happens soon.

Thanks so much again.



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 07:53 AM   17
BBgirl
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If you smile on the outside when you are crying on the inside then you will make a rainbow. If you allow your tears to flow and your smile to grow, your rainbow will become brighter. When your rainbow fills the sky above you, and all around you, then your pot of gold will be waiting for you. BFPs all round! xxx



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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 10:53 AM   18
Nikki Leigh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BBgirl View Post
hey PocoHR. It's really easy for a guy to masturbate, no pressure, otherwise how can they do it in a pot in a clinic so easily? It beats me! It's totally different if he has to perform. Of course you're not being bitchy, you're truly suffering. I totally relate to your pain, because I had 2 miscarriages, 11 weeks and 8 weeks. I've been in a permanent state of grief since the first one, Dec 2008. I'm 41, nearly 42. I feel I am running out of time. Just because he sits on the computer and watches porn and plays with himself doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's good he still has his libido and masturbating stimulates good swimmers! I think you might have reacted badly in the past when he wouldn't or couldn't perform, and it's understandable he might want to avoid feeling like a disappointment again. Even if you were quiet or sad, he would pick up on that and feel like a complete failure. To me the fact that he's on the computer the very time you need him to make a baby with you tells me he is afraid of failing you. He's a man not a machine!

A few suggestions. Organise a couple of nice dates, have a little fun again. Next - every bloke loves a massage, especially if he is a computer addict, he will have a stiff neck and shoulders. Say you'd like to give him a lovely massage, get a massage oil or massage soap from Lush. Just the massage, when you're not in your fertile week. Scrub his back in the shower with those loofah things, my OH loves that. You will rediscover your intimacy as a couple through touch and affection. Focus on intimacy not intercourse, and focus on your non-fertile weeks. Don't refuse sex on your non-fertile weeks, it's bad for your relationship, because it's like punishment. Then next cycle I think it will pay off! All of us girls here are trying to conceive, we are flawed human beings just doing our best.

Try and conceal any information from now on about your fertile week, it is making things worse. He will soon lose track of your cycle, he's a bloke! Your anger comes from pain, but you can't hide your anger, he will know it's there. But touch is healing, and from healing comes passion once again. I am really trying to help because I am suffering just like you, and I am going through a very similar experience. I know it's impossible to relax when you want something this bad. It sounds to me that you are more focused now, which is great. Remember you don't need to be relaxed to make a baby, but you do need to rediscover intimacy in your relationship. Keep us all posted! I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you.
I think this is really good advice for all of us.



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 10:58 AM   19
ebony2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PocoHR View Post
I swear, every single month, on the two days that I am actually ovulating, when its most important to have sex, DH won't/can't do it. I'm getting so angry and trying so hard NOT to be angry. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel bad, but I could just spit nails right now. I'm inwardly furious. Thankfully the garden needed to be hoed yesterday so I took my frustrations out on the weeds, last month I senselessly punched a door. I know he wants a baby, and we try before I ovulate and after usually, but he seems to time it just right so we never ever hit the two most important days.

I have to have a talk with him because this is too important and I can not stand it again.
I feel exactly the same right now. I had CM starting 2 days ago and got him to dtd that day but I want to make sure we cover the fertile time right by doing it every couple of days. Now he's not interested and is just pushing me away. I've told him now is the time we need to dtd to get pregnant but he just thinks I'm being annoying. *sigh* x



 
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Old Nov 22nd, 2010, 11:01 AM   20
RoseRed7
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I swear, every single month, on the two days that I am actually ovulating, when its most important to have sex, DH won't/can't do it. I'm getting so angry and trying so hard NOT to be angry. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel bad, but I could just spit nails right now. I'm inwardly furious. Thankfully the garden needed to be hoed yesterday so I took my frustrations out on the weeds, last month I senselessly punched a door. I know he wants a baby, and we try before I ovulate and after usually, but he seems to time it just right so we never ever hit the two most important days.

I have to have a talk with him because this is too important and I can not stand it again.
That's frustrating. Good luck talking to him! Hopefully he'll come around... literally. lol.



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