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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 20:45 PM   31
NDH
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This isn't a joke, but it's a hilarious TTC video. There's a whole series of them!




 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 20:56 PM   32
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The Infertile Soap Opera

Ever feel like your life is like an infertile soap opera? You feel like you have a secret infertile self that you hide from others, there is drama, emotions, heartache, hope and an insane amount of sex.

Yes, you’re living an infertile soap opera, just without the accidental pregnancy, an embryo switch, and a bartender named Chase who may or may not be your baby daddy.

The Young and the Tender Breastless. Plot line: Dominique is in her two week wait after an emotional embryo transfer. She feels rage at her doctor for telling her that she is ’still young and has plenty of time to get pregnant.’ She continues to feel her breasts for early pregnancy symptoms.

All my (Test Tube) Children. Olivia and Tanner want a baby but a twisted fallopian tube, a misshapen uterus, poor egg quality and low sperm motility stand in their way.

The Cold and the Beautiful. Cricket and her husband, Braden, get into another fight about her obsession with wanting a child. He disagrees with her idea that they should just steal one.

As your Insides Churn. Victoria is filled with heartache after her little sister announces she’s pregnant. Jacqueline gets her period during her friend’s baby shower. Tiffany-Melinda bursts into tears after her mother emails her another article about how to get pregnant.

Days of our Hives. Harlowe is rushed to the hospital after suffering from an allergic reaction from her fertility medication. Devastatingly, she is also suffering from OHSS and her embryo transfer has been canceled.

General (Fertility) Hospital. Tad discovers that his lover, Meegan, is having an affair with her fertility doctor and a transvaginal wand.

One Life to Live. Greenlea and her (seemingly) loving husband, Prescott, feel like if they only have one life to live, it sure as hell better be a fertile one!






OK now I'm done. For now.



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 23:07 PM   33
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If two negatives equal a positive then what do you do if you’ve seen 24+ negatives?

(negative + negative) = positive

24 negative (months) + 24 emotional breakdowns + (808 tears shed + 8,000 rolls of toilet paper used) – 2 (faint positives that were really) 2 negatives x 24 menstrual cycles = negative + positive

=2010 – 2008/ 24 (week waits) = 2 years…

And if (eating a lot of) pie equals MC (miscarriage) squared and if the Pythagorean Theorem a+b=c squared measures the law of gravity (of conceiving) and gives you the linear way (of doing it) then the variable principle of (fluids + sperm) /2 eggs x stork equals a fundamental theorem that you WILL be pregnant in….2011!!!

Someone give you an infertile mathematics award! You just unlocked the equation that solved the infertility mystery!



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 23:21 PM   34
arpeters
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lol I loved that video.



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 23:39 PM   35
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Helpful tips on how to achieve a positive pregnancy result

Always get a negative pregnancy test? Have you ever seen two lines on a pee stick? Here are some helpful ways to achieve your BFP.

Draw on the second line yourself. Both marker and pen will work. Then show your husband the exciting news!
Cross your eyes until your sight becomes blurry and you actually see a second line.
Get a pregnant lady to pee on your stick.
Sneak into a pregnant lady’s house and stick your pregnancy test in her leftover urine on the toilet seat.
Urinate following your HCG trigger shot (the hormone in the shot will actually produce two lines) and this will make you very happy.
Close your eyes when looking at the results and just assume it’s positive.
Stick the pee test in a glass of apple juice. The defective pregnancy stick could mean you are pregnant.
Pee on two sticks for two lines.
Ask a blind person to read you the results.
Buy your pregnancy test from an online store called “yourpregnancytestwillbepositive.com.”
Try to buy the Octomom’s old pregnancy test off eBay.
Or just look through the trash in your fertility clinic’s bathroom until you find a positive test. Note: you might have to wait weeks for this.
Congratulations, you are now pregnant!



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 23:52 PM   36
arpeters
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 00:44 AM   37
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How to tell your infertile friend you're pregnant

Hey Fertile!

Need advice on how to tell your infertile friend, you are expecting? Here are some helpful and sensitive tips.

Wear a shirt that says “I’m pregnant but it’s not my husband’s.”
Don’t tell us at all. Avoid us for 9 months and then suddenly appear with a baby, claiming that you stole it.
Come to our fertility appointment and when our legs are in stirrups, share your good news.
Tell us your news in a language we don’t speak.
Make your announcement after handing us a large sum of money.
Tell us your news when we are sleeping or unconscious.
Find a card that says “Only slutty girls get knocked up on their first try.”
Tell us that your baby will probably inherit your husbands nose and receding hair line.
Tell us that you’re pregnant but we get to keep the baby.
Slap us across the face so we we are already in pain when you tell us the news.



 
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 00:50 AM   38
hlynn
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these are TOO funny..i seriously laughed my butt off at all of them..SO true



 
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 00:54 AM   39
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Typical Month of the Infertile
Negative pregnancy test.
Period.
Cry on toilet.
Cry in bed.
Depression.
Cry at work in bathroom.
Day 3, fertility appointment.
Wonder if you should try having sex during your period.
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
Inspect toilet paper after wiping hourly.
Fight with partner about infertility.
Friend announces she’s pregnancy. Emotional breakdown.
Ovulate?
IUI?
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, (shooting blanks)
Two week wait.
Facebook friend posts a picture of her bump. Cry.
Baby shower invite. Cry about that.
Analyze for early pregnancy symptoms.
Google: “Right breast feels heavier than left breast. Am I Pregnant?”
Google: “Peeing a lot at night, IUI.”
Google: “Left nipple looks darker. Pregnancy?”
Google: “Metallic taste in mouth. Pregnant?”
Inspect toilet paper after wiping hourly.
Hope for implantation bleeding.
Test early or wait for period.
Negative.
Mental breakdown.

REPEAT AGAIN THE FOLLOWING MONTH, AND THE MONTH AFTER THAT AND THE MONTH AFTER THAT AND THE MONTH AFTER…



 
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 02:47 AM   40
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That awkward fertility clinic waiting room is just so quiet that sometimes you just want to break the silence.

Whether it’s your first fertility appointment or your 100th, here are some great tips to occupy yourself in the waiting room:

Snack on an egg. Make sure to only eat the egg whites.
Leave your partner’s filled sperm cup near the magazines.
Pour a cup of melted marshmallows all over the chairs.
Ask the receptionist if they have any “special” brother to sister videos. It gets your guy going.
Accompany your guy to the special room and turn up the volume to a Bette Midler song.
Drink some apple juice from a urine sample cup.
Put a pillow under your shirt and then waddle around the room complaining about your back ache.
Stick a basal thermometer in your behind and ask someone to check the temperature.
Wear a t-shirt that says “I’m with an infertile.”
Steal some underwear during the ultrasounds.



 
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