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Old Mar 28th, 2011, 17:11 PM   1
Aelanu
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Family Issues


Does anyone else find it difficult to tell anyone- particularly family- that they are TTC?

I'm not having any difficulty telling MY family- I told them without a problem. However, they've been pushing kids since OH and I got together (They met him after we were together for a month- and just LOVED him...and that was a first. They only liked one other man I was with, and it took em 6 months to get used to the idea. OH? It was instant). When I told them we were finally trying, all you heard was cheering by my sister in the background- and my Mom was all welled up with tears she was so happy.

OH's family is a WHOLE different story. They still firmly believe that OH will never, ever have another child. Not only that, but he will never get married and I'm just a phase. Also, apparently I'm using OH for all hes got (which happens to be nothing...don't you think if I were going to "use" someone- I'd go get a rich guy? The most money OH ever saw was $8500 for the 2009/10 tax year!) and I'm a horrible, horrible person that doesn't deserve him.

I believe they think that way about me because I'm white. Don't get me wrong, his whole family isn't like that (for example, his cousin is my manager and I told her we were ttc- and she was ecstatic. I love that girl!), but most of them are. They talk about me behind my back consistently- and had even started attacking me on FB anytime I would post a status- I had to delete them off my friends list because it got out of hand (they were only there so OH could keep track of family events- he doesn't have or want a FB). What was my final straw? "You look fat, Jessica. Stop eating all that damn McDonald's food and go lose some weight." -.- (Hey- I get $6 of free food every time I work- would YOU turn it down? I think not. Plus- its winter...what do you expect? I hate cold.)

OH's baby mama is WAY worse than me, but most of them are fuckin' in love with this bitch. She doesn't work (and hasn't for 5 yrs), doesn't WANT to work (firmly believes she is "too good" for a job- she told me herself), and guess what? She's 5'11 and weighs almost 300 lbs...yet I'M fat and I haven't even hit 200 (I'm at 170, thank you)! She consistently insults me as well- tells OH I'm worthless and he doesn't need me. OH asked her why she hates me so much- because I'm so wonderful with their son so there should be no reason to hate me- and her words were (he had her on speaker phone), "I don't like that dumb bitch cuz she's fuckin' white. You need to go get you a black girl- not some white trash slut. You can do better."

Its all very hurtful- and I have been nothing but nice and wonderful to all these people. I feel singled out and prejudiced for the color of my skin- and I hate that they hold this much hate for my race. Sure, black people were slaves, but guess what? So was everyone else at one point or another- hell, my family in the Philippines were held as slaves until the 1970s when the US finally freed the islands from their "custody"! If anyone should be mad, its me!!

I guess they'll find out we're TTC when the baby comes, lol- and I guess they'll know we're engaged when we get married.

P.S. We live with OH's mother (she has a lot of health issues that prevent her from living alone) and she is so stuck into OH's son I'm not sure it will be possible for her to love (or accept) another grandchild. OH's son walks all over her, but thats neither here nor there. She also firmly believes my OH will never have another child. Ever.

Cuz apparently he's not allowed to change his mind when the right person comes along (that would be me).



 
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Old Mar 28th, 2011, 17:25 PM   2
Feb4th2011
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Hey Aelanu, I'm not trying to be rude in anyway but I think after reading some of your threads... that you should seek help. Possibly finding a counselor to help you sort out your thoughts. I myself have been, and I think it was a life saver! She made me see things differently than i was capable of seeing without help. Good Luck sweetie

Also, I've personally found it easier to not tell people we are TTC, as it just adds stress!



 
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Old Mar 28th, 2011, 17:35 PM   3
FertilMertile
 
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I don't think you should let his side of the family know you're TTC if all they're gonna do is say negative things to you. Why let them bring you down if you're already down? You did the right thing deleting them off your page cuz calling you names and saying you're fat is wrong. And his ex just seems to be jealous and probably wants him back. Sorry that you have to hear "cuz you're a white b*tch and a slut and trash". It's disrespectful. No one should ever bring race up in a convo. It's disrespectful and disgusting. Anyway, I'd keep TTC to yourself. The more people know about it the worse it gets for you cuz you're gonna get a lot of different opinions and advice and chances are it's gonna be things you're not gonna like hearing.



 
Old Mar 28th, 2011, 19:08 PM   4
TraceC
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Sorry to hear that they are so nasty to you, but agree with what both of these ladies have said. I wouldn't bother telling them that your TTC, and when it comes down to it, it isn't any of their business! Also if they have a problem with you, thats exactly what it is, its THEIR problem not yours. If you and OH are happy together and want to start a family then you go right ahead and continue to live your life happily. Thats the best thing you can do, and this will prove to them that your OH thinks more of you than just some phase.

If you ever want to talk to someone I'm here for you xx



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Old Mar 28th, 2011, 20:49 PM   5
Ginnie
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I echo the other ladies. This is their issue, not yours. Sure, it affects you, but from the sound of it, you're not going to change their minds any time soon. Better to just live your life happily with your OH, and, eventually, once they figure out you're not going anywhere, they'll learn to get along.




 
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Old Mar 28th, 2011, 20:51 PM   6
Ginnie
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Oh...and if they don't learn to get along, it just makes them look like even bigger buttheads.

P.S. You're not fat. They're jerks.



 
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