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Old Mar 28th, 2012, 23:47 PM   111
Penelope04
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I'm so sorry pinksprinkles. That seems like a very difficult situation to deal with. I know my hubby struggled at times, especially before we were married because he comes from a very religious and conservative family. His grandfather was a Baptist minister and his parents and most of his aunts and uncles have done missionary work at some point in their lives. He has gotten over this issue now, however we have been together for almost 12 years. I found that more recently it was me who was not in the mood, and I felt like I was too tired all the time and our varying work schedules made it hard to make time for eachother. Now we kind of have an agreement that we "don't take care of anything ourselves" so that we are more in the mood for eachother, especially when we are getting around ovulation time. It has really worked for us, however I think that your relationship troubles may be beyond just a simple fix like that.

Perhaps it would help if each of you did some counseling separately, and then when you are ready, perhaps do some relationship counseling together. If he is unwilling to do that, then maybe you should start just going on your own. It sounds like you need to do that for yourself and perhaps if he sees it helping you, then he will get on board with the idea! Remember that when you finally do get pregnant, you want to bring that baby into a happy world where you and hubby are on the same page and willing to help eachother out with love and support!



 
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Old Mar 28th, 2012, 23:59 PM   112
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 00:02 AM   113
jenniferttc1
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I'm sorry your having a tough time with your husband, but there really is a serious problem that you are dealing with. I read that you said you will not divorce him no matter what and you take your vows very serious, which I respect and as do I. BUT it doesnt sound like he is not taking his seriously at all. Marriage yes has its up and downs, but the way your feeling all the time and anger is not what a marriage is suppose to be like. I just wanna ask you...do you really think you can go your entire life feeling the way you do? Unhappy? Sex isnt everything in a relationship, but it is a big part of it. I just don't know how you handle feeling the way you do everyday. Woman are such beautiful and desirable creatures and we need to feel that way. It seems your doing everything you possibly can to fix things. Are you sure ya'll are ready to ttc? I'm by all means not telling you not to, its your life and your decision. But it should be a happy time in your life, and something really special. And honestly children can put even more strain on a marriage. A marriage really has to be strong and willing to take sacrifices for your children at times. I hope I didn't step on your toes. I know what its like longing for a baby but im just having a hard time wrapping my head around your situation and how sad and angry you are at your husband but ya'll are TTC. I'm not sure what advice to give you. You have tired making it fun and dressing sexy. You tried talking, you have tried thearpy, just not sure what else there is left to tell you to try. I hope it works out for you



 
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 00:04 AM   114
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 00:21 AM   115
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 00:29 AM   116
dashnbohemian
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I'm glad you're making headway, but I think it's selfish to bring a child into this. It will be so much easier on everyone involved if you get your problems figured out before you get pregnant, then you can have a healthy and happy pregnancy AND baby. Those are things you deserve to enjoy.



 
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 00:36 AM   117
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 01:12 AM   118
Penelope04
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Originally Posted by pinksprinkles View Post
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Originally Posted by Penelope04 View Post
I'm so sorry pinksprinkles. That seems like a very difficult situation to deal with. I know my hubby struggled at times, especially before we were married because he comes from a very religious and conservative family. His grandfather was a Baptist minister and his parents and most of his aunts and uncles have done missionary work at some point in their lives. He has gotten over this issue now, however we have been together for almost 12 years. I found that more recently it was me who was not in the mood, and I felt like I was too tired all the time and our varying work schedules made it hard to make time for eachother. Now we kind of have an agreement that we "don't take care of anything ourselves" so that we are more in the mood for eachother, especially when we are getting around ovulation time. It has really worked for us, however I think that your relationship troubles may be beyond just a simple fix like that.

Perhaps it would help if each of you did some counseling separately, and then when you are ready, perhaps do some relationship counseling together. If he is unwilling to do that, then maybe you should start just going on your own. It sounds like you need to do that for yourself and perhaps if he sees it helping you, then he will get on board with the idea! Remember that when you finally do get pregnant, you want to bring that baby into a happy world where you and hubby are on the same page and willing to help eachother out with love and support!
Thank you so much for the advice. I'm really glad that you found something that works for you and your DH and that you've stayed with it when it wasn't always easy. You give me lots of hope!

I am starting to think that counselling might be the best option for us if supplements don't work, we'll just have to wait until we more to be able to afford it for both of us. I feel like moving may also solve some of our issues as we'll both have our own lives again.

As for the "don't take care of anything ourselves" bit- we're doing that currently. So far, it hasn't helped- but maybe with the Maca Root I just ordered for DH it might make a winning combination? I hope so.

If you check around in your area, there may be some type of family/human service center that offers counseling at little cost. If you have any psychiatric clinics/hospitals in the area they would have information on places that are affordable for you or maybe even support groups in the area which are, of course, always free I work at a treatment facility so forgive me for getting all "work talk" on you! But I just like to help and sometimes people don't know where to get all the info they need



 
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 01:21 AM   119
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Old Mar 29th, 2012, 04:40 AM   120
J04NN4
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I hope you don't mind me butting in on your thread... I'm a WTTer and have just been nosing around in here haha. I read your thread with interest as I have always had a much higher sex drive than my husband. Throw in a little stress-related erectile dysfunction (which obviously then got worse and worse as he worried about it more) and we had a pretty rough time in our sex life for about two and a half years. However, these last 6 months or so we seem to be coming out of it so I thought you might like to hear what's worked for us.

Firstly (and I know it's SO hard) try not to lose your temper/get upset in the bedroom. By all means talk to him/argue with him about it later or tomorrow but try to keep the bedroom sexy. Reassure him, cuddle him, and don't make it seem like every time you go in for a cuddle you want it to result in sex (something I was guilty of... ooops). I think your idea about him associating sex with an angry woman was spot on, that's how my OH felt.

Secondly, don't let the laptop in the bedroom. It sounds like your schedule is going well but the problem with working from home is keeping work and home separate. Me and my OH both work from home and we've found it really difficult at times - if we're having a bit of a lazy day at the weekend or something we might have our laptops on our laps in bed, answering emails and things - but when it comes to bedtime we can't switch off enough to go to sleep, never mind anything else! If it really is impossible to ban it from the bedroom completely I think your idea of at least stopping him opening any work related programs is the best bet.

Thirdly - make lots of time for just the two of you but without the pressure of sex. Spend the whole weekend naked in bed watching films, cook together, read or do whatever else you enjoy in bed together. I definitely found the less I pressured my OH the more he seemed to want to do it (it does sound like this may not work with your OH but it's worth a try. And as previous posters have said intimacy is about more than sex so you never know, you may have a great weekend even without making any progress sex-wise).

Finally, yes we have experience with Maca. I put him on Wellman Conception two weeks ago (as they advise taking it for 3months before TTC) so that's been 250mg of Maca daily and I don't know if it's just coincidence but it really does seem to have helped. TMI - yesterday we DTD twice in a row and that hasn't happened for years!! I might keep him on these supplements even when we're not TTC haha.

One last thing - have you thought about the fact that maybe your OH has depression? The lack of interest in sex, the zoning off when you're talking to him, the defensiveness... all could be signs. If he doesn't talk about his feelings I'm not sure where a diagnosis would even get you but it's worth thinking about.

Sorry to have written an essay, it's just your story really struck a chord with me. I've spent many a night crying myself to sleep and wondering when it comes to TTC, how on earth are we going to manage because we simply didn't do it enough. But things are most definitely looking up I wish you the very best of luck



 
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