In a bit of an emotional pickle! need some advice please?
Hi ladies, our nephew has arrived safe and well and is beautiful Our problem is that he has arrived smack bang in our first aniversary of our smc and we are struggling with our emotions. We're thrilled he's here and mum and baby are well. Were very happy for her dispite all the difficulties and problems she has caused over the years.
We haven't yet been able to work through our grief and are struggling with finding the best way forwards espcially in the years to come particulary at christmas when our lo would have been born and the smc aniversary at the same time as celebrating our nephews birthday.
The reason I call it an smc is that we didn't poas, (I was 7 weeks late and it was physically the most painful thing I hae ever experianced and nothing like a normal period! far far worse) and because i didn't poas so i feel that we have no right what so ever to call it a mc. I spoke to a midwife, our doctor and posted on the mc forum and many ladies came forwards to tell me that i described their mc to the letter. I have to admit that a mc was nothing like i'd expect it to be.
We don't have a problem with the fact that they got to have there's and we didn't as much as we still want our baby it's just seems to be one of those things We have told dh's mum about the experiance and I was stunned by the fact she didn't even give dh a hug and no one from dh family has asked us if we are alright we don't even know if she has told them? or they simply don't care.
every time dh talks about him having a baby there is no emotional or physical response from anyone in his family He told his brother that he has poor sa results and his brother said 'why, you still trying then?' almost to say now were pg why you bothering and to add insult to injury he then got out the newest scan pics
We thought that we were imaging these reactions as being respectful of our suffering, perhaps . But another family member has said to his brother about when we finally have ours and the same reaction is given again. I have not mentioned about us having a baby throughout their pg out of respect, as i felt it was there time If they we're going through this we would be there like a shot, more fool us!
I'm sorry to hear that you guys are going through this without any support. I think is normal that you are struggling with your feelings, it's part of the grieving process. As far as his family goes I would keep them at a distance and not worry about what they have to say. Sometimes people are nothing like we thought. You and your dh are the most important people in this situation and you are each other's support and as long as you hold each other tight, you will not need anyone else. I went through a similar situation. Dh and I got pregnant with our daughter, it was a planned pregnancy and although we were pretty young ( We were 23) we were pretty set up to want and have the baby. His whole family flipped, his older brother even had the balls to say "oh you f*cked up huh?" when we told him, my pregnancy was pretty much ignored when we saw his extended family at christmas eventhough I was about 6 months by then and was obviously showing. I really didn't care about their reaction but it really broke my heart for him since his brother and wife were also expecting and they were treated it completely different. Our daugher is now going to be 6 next month and our son will be 4 in june, we are looking to add # 3 and we thought it would be nice if we let our families know. When he told his mom of our plans instead of saying "oh thats great" or something along those lines, she said "well this is what you should have done the first time too". I was floored by her reaction but once again it was proof that sometimes is better to not expect anything from people. Hang in there and I hope that you get your BFP soon!!
Aww I'm sorry I have never had a miscarriage but I know what it's like to have family who does no understand anything about the pain of ttc DHs family usually says oh it took me this long before I even got pregnant don't worry and I'm like we'll you don't have fertility problems in the family not to mention since his sites both have kis and we don't I tend to feel ( I say I because I don't know I've does ) left out its all we can't do that the kids can't come or just anything its frustrating though I don't think I explained it exactly right lol but it's a hard situation anyways good luck hope you get a bfp soon !!!!
Hi, its a terrible thing to go through. Just keep strong and it WILL happen for you. I had a mc with my first pregnancy (after trying 5 yrs) then 7 months later i fell pregnant again with DD!!
There is hope just dont give up x x x
Location: Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.
So now I understand what smc really means. We started TTC in Dec. And I got 2 books and started really reading and reading. And one of my books goes into some detail about the 'chemical pregnancy' and listed symptoms and it said that many women MC and never know they were pregnant but the symptoms are x,y,z. I was shocked.
I have kept track of my cycles since I was a teenager... I hate surprises! So of course I have it on my google calendar now (how far we've come). Anyway. I recalled a 'very bad period' that I had when DH and I were first dating. All the symptoms were there. And I had been very sick with what I thought was food poisoning for about a week before this weird midcycle period happened. I recall having a very light 2 day period on time but then 2 weeks later had the worst period I've had since high school.
cramps, heavy bleeding etc for 3 days and then a normal period back on schedule form the 2 day one. I wasn't on BC and we were careless with our condom usage...as educated as I am we were using withdrawl method for the first little bit because ... we were stupid.
Anyway the more I read here, like your post, and others. I really feel that that's what it was. I explained to my coworker who had a MC before and she said it's exactly what she went through. Didn't POAS and wasn't TTC and thought she had teh flu.
I'm conflicted as to how I should feel now. I mean that was 2.5 years ago and I'm only realizing it now. Am I allowed to feel sad? We weren't ready then. We hadn't even talked about kids or anything super serious then. But I feel sad. How can I miss what I didn't know I had?
My sister had 3 mc in a row. Her SIL announced her pregnancy 2 days after she lost #3 and she was due on the same day as my sister was supposed to have been due. It broke my heart to know that her SIL was so uncaring to my sister's feelings. It's not like it was their first either, it was their 3rd kid.... some people have no concept of other's emotions. She had asked her SIL to maybe change her profile pic on FB to anything but the ultrasound image and the SIL lost it on her. 'how dare you...blah blah blah' Knowing full well that my sister had just gone through this tramatic MC (was hospitalized for blood loss etc)
Some people just can't think beyond themselves. I'm very sensitive to my friends who are having troubles with fertility. I know I won't be broadcasting any BFP or bump photos ... who knows which of my friends are silently struggling.
HUGS to you and your DH. We all take our own time to deal with grief in our own way. Thank you for validating my feelings of loss. And helping me understand my own emotions on this topic.
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