Over several months (years even really), I have been trying to bring up the discussion of starting a family. I'm in a relationship of 8 years, have a house, and we have two good, stable jobs between us. He is very funny with 'change'...changes panic him but then it's okay after if you see what I mean. For example buying a house made him anxious but now he wouldn't have it any other way. Going to uni was a trauma but then obviously, turned out great. Obviously starting a family is a change. He is not against having children by any means, but is being a real pain about 'when'.
After quite a few mentions of starting a family that either a) got shrugged off in a jokey way or b)ended up in upset/arguments, around 10 months ago I told him I was coming off the pill to get my body straight having been on it from age 16-25. Since then we have used condoms. In the background, I have been recording my cycles using an Ipod App and have taken ovulation tests (not obsessively though) to get an idea of what's going on since coming off the pill. All seems well.
A very heated discussion blew up over New Year after he had promised he would have a think over Christmas and talk about TTC with me, and then to cut a long story short he said "no" to TTC in the new year after getting my hopes up. I really thought that come miserable January, I would have something to look forward to and was pretty gutted.
Early February he had an accident with his leg which put him out of BD-ing whatsoever for significant weeks!! (bit of a drastic get out I thought hehe) When he was 'able' again, the first time we DTD it was unprotected. I thought maybe it was a fluke..he didn't bring up the contraception subject and I didn't of course!
We still haven't had much sex at all due to his injury, but last night and this morning we have done it, again unprotected with no discussion. I also know that as of late yesterday, yesterday eve and still today, I have strong positive ovulation tests...surely this is very much in my favour?
NOTHING HAS BEEN MENTIONED! It's so odd. But I am now scared to bring it up incase I scare him...maybe this is some sort of unwritten " I'm ok..ish with it now". Kinda confused and happy. But also scared that he could turn round at any point and be back on using condoms having had my hopes up.
I guess what I'm asking, is what I know I supose, that I have a good chance of falling pregnant this month? I KNOW it takes people a long time sometimes and as impatient as I am, I respect this, but I've surely done it at the best possible time? xx
I would definitely talk to him...maybe you guys should just take a casual approach to conceiving, more NTNP (not trying, not preventing) than actually TTC. That way there's not much pressure and the change will be gradual. Good luck!
My dh is the same way! He doesn't like to talk about these things so Ill talk till Im blue in the face and he clams up. Ive found that once he knows what I want then eventually he comes around to the idea and it ends up happening. These men are tricky creatures! I would just go with the flow And hopefully you get your bfp this month, fingers crossed for you!
If I were advising someone else I would say 'talk about it" too ladygriz!! thanks for the post! Honestly though, I really feel like then it would all become an 'issue' and have a reverse effect if I start trying to talk about it. He's not stupid, he will be thinking in his own mind "hmm I could get her pregnant carrying on like this" so it's not like he is naive to this situation if I turn round and say I'm pregnant. Totally agree Dawn, tricky and annoying creatures!
Hi! I think carry on the way your going. Men get weird about TTC! They are frightened to death of it. At the end of the day your Both adults and he knows yr not using protection as much as you do (unless he is a complete idiot which I'm sure he is not!)
I would say he knows what's going on but does not want to talk about the subject as it might frighten him.
Good luck x
i totally know where your coming from, i had my implant remove last septempber and we have been having unprotected sex since, he wont talk about anything baby or TTC. the only difference is he knows i do O test and i have just brought a CBFM. he just says it will happen when it happens and we aint trying.
i believe he wants a bby like me but is in no rush and is leaving it to faith. MEN are such difficult creatures lol
Ooh good luck then loz10...the CBFM will be a big help too I bet. I haven't hidden the fact I do ov tests but nor have I completely broadcast it...he knows I have them and he will have seen wrappers in the bin but I have no idea how much he understands about what they are/do. I think if this continues the way it has been, i.e. still not really spoken about but dtd unprotected, I will just carry on with my ov tests etc privately and there's no harm in being more forward with him around the time I get positive test results without having the whole 'omg we must do it right now to make a baby' talk! He doesn't strictly need to know I guess...less scene I cause maybe the more chance I have lol x
I would say just let it be, you have obviously talked about it enough and he knows how you feel. My dh is the same way, he usually doesn't talk abou things but his actions say everything. It's gotten to the point that when he tells me something, I am like yeah, yeah because most likely he will come around lol. He knows what he is doing and he has obviously had time to think. I say go with the flow and good luck!
It's good to know other ladies have blokes like this...I don't chat to girlfriends much in 'real life' about this sort of thing, but one of them more or less gloats that her bf is the one nagging HER to start a family and other guys I speak to have children/want to/are expecting and I just think how unfair that my bloke is making things so walking on eggshell-y!x
Minor update...we are going out tonight for a meal and I said please be ready on time to leave the house (he always leaves things until the last min then makes us late!) and he said " I can't get into trouble for anything now- I'm having sex with you". !!!! This is another promising sign, even if it is a case of "I can get away with murder because I finally gave in a bit".
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