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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:14 AM   21
tcinks
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Wow I missed a lot over night!

Melissa, maybe I should look into finding a reasonably priced acupuncturist! Sorry about the I also got one today at 10dpo with a frer. I know there's still hope but I feel like I'm out. Waiting to hear how your appointment goes!

Welcome Uni! A loss at 35 weeks? Wow. I'm so sorry. If you don't mind, do they know what happened? I understand about the different friend groups, but I don't fit into any of mine anymore, it seems! 1. Pregnant or have young babies 2. Don't want kids 3. Have had losses before but have children now, and somehow forgot how hard it was. These boards and you ladies are so comforting to me, I don't feel so alone on here. DH thinks I spend too much time on it sometimes, but honestly it helps keep me sane! I'd have no one else to really talk to if I wasn't on here. People don't know how to relate or what to say, and I want to talk about my babies and how I'm feeling sometimes still. They existed and I don't want to forget them like people seem to think I should.

So like I said I'm10dpo with a Bleh. Had a little meltdown for a while but I'm feeling okay now. Just looking forward to the next cycle, maybe trying opks??



 
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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:15 AM   22
MsH15
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Originally Posted by Uni tsi View Post
msH, you sound like a good role model for me. I still need to be reminded to stay positive. It's just so hard to want to get my hopes up again after getting so far along and having them dashed so viciously. I try not to be too negative, but I feel like if I can keep expectations low then I'll only have pleasant surprises ahead of me instead of disappointments. But, I'm just starting this journey so we'll see how long that lasts lol It really amazes me how good my mood has been since I entered the tww, compared to what it was before that, so I think I am getting my hopes up a little.

But, I am scared to be hopeful. If that makes any sense? Getting a positive would literally be the most terrifying thing I can think of right now and yet I want it more than anything else in the world

edit - gosh that sounded so dramatic at the end. I really meant to be lighthearted lol
Uni - Completely understand! I think sometimes I tend to count myself out in the tww simply out of fear of disappointment. I also tend to brush symptoms off too (Which is probably a good thing, lol). I am in tune with my body so I still notice EVERYTHING and my heart still gets a lil excited when I think maybe something different pops up, but I try to stay masked. My love was great through the ectopic and I don't want to stress him out or cause any concern so I keep a lot of the TTC stuff to myself. Now don't get me wrong, he is completely on board and at times seems like he wants it more than me (if that is at all possible). So much so that he reminded 3 times before leaving the house this morning to tell the doc we are ready NOW and want help! LOL... Oh how I love my King But hang in there.. Some cycles will be harder than others, but now you have US to vent to, cry to, be dramatic or celebrate with! And I will do my very best to encourage you throughout this journey. I joined mainly to be a blessing to other women in their various stages of this journey and to maybe receive some blessings from these amazing women as well even if only as support and a ear and shoulder. Glad you join the thread.



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:18 AM   23
tcinks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uni tsi View Post
msH, you sound like a good role model for me. I still need to be reminded to stay positive. It's just so hard to want to get my hopes up again after getting so far along and having them dashed so viciously. I try not to be too negative, but I feel like if I can keep expectations low then I'll only have pleasant surprises ahead of me instead of disappointments. But, I'm just starting this journey so we'll see how long that lasts lol It really amazes me how good my mood has been since I entered the tww, compared to what it was before that, so I think I am getting my hopes up a little.

But, I am scared to be hopeful. If that makes any sense? Getting a positive would literally be the most terrifying thing I can think of right now and yet I want it more than anything else in the world

edit - gosh that sounded so dramatic at the end. I really meant to be lighthearted lol
Uni - Completely understand! I think sometimes I tend to count myself out in the tww simply out of fear of disappointment. I also tend to brush symptoms off too (Which is probably a good thing, lol). I am in tune with my body so I still notice EVERYTHING and my heart still gets a lil excited when I think maybe something different pops up, but I try to stay masked. My love was great through the ectopic and I don't want to stress him out or cause any concern so I keep a lot of the TTC stuff to myself. Now don't get me wrong, he is completely on board and at times seems like he wants it more than me (if that is at all possible). So much so that he reminded 3 times before leaving the house this morning to tell the doc we are ready NOW and want help! LOL... Oh how I love my King But hang in there.. Some cycles will be harder than others, but now you have US to vent to, cry to, be dramatic or celebrate with! And I will do my very best to encourage you throughout this journey. I joined mainly to be a blessing to other women in their various stages of this journey and to maybe receive some blessings from these amazing women as well even if only as support and a ear and shoulder. Glad you join the thread.
So sweet how your Dh takes charge, mine is the same. Ive talked to other women whose husbands aren't so supportive...and that would be so hard! Dealing with losses and struggling to get pregnant is hars enough without it taking a toll on your marriage.



 
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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:26 AM   24
MsH15
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Originally Posted by tcinks View Post
Wow I missed a lot over night!

Melissa, maybe I should look into finding a reasonably priced acupuncturist! Sorry about the I also got one today at 10dpo with a frer. I know there's still hope but I feel like I'm out. Waiting to hear how your appointment goes!

Welcome Uni! A loss at 35 weeks? Wow. I'm so sorry. If you don't mind, do they know what happened? I understand about the different friend groups, but I don't fit into any of mine anymore, it seems! 1. Pregnant or have young babies 2. Don't want kids 3. Have had losses before but have children now, and somehow forgot how hard it was. These boards and you ladies are so comforting to me, I don't feel so alone on here. DH thinks I spend too much time on it sometimes, but honestly it helps keep me sane! I'd have no one else to really talk to if I wasn't on here. People don't know how to relate or what to say, and I want to talk about my babies and how I'm feeling sometimes still. They existed and I don't want to forget them like people seem to think I should.

So like I said I'm10dpo with a Bleh. Had a little meltdown for a while but I'm feeling okay now. Just looking forward to the next cycle, maybe trying opks??
Hey there TC - Sorry for your BFN this morning, but hang in there... nothings for sure until AF shows so lots of prayers for your BFP still being sent up over here Def check into some acupuncturist there locally. Look at pricing, and their cert training and remember more practicing hours is usually better. And make sure you feel comfy and relaxed with them.. The point is to relax so if you're not comfy it may not be helpful. I def feel you, all our babies were VERY real and VERY loved no matter what stage we were at during our losses. They will always hold a special place in our hearts for we had a connection to them from the second we got our BFPs... THAT will NEVER EVER leave any of us. But it gives me some comfort to think I have my baby angel up there looking down, blessing me daily *tears* Sorry ladies... *phew* ok... So.. still have fingers crossed and high faith. C'mon baby dust, do your thing for US!!!



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:34 AM   25
MsH15
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Ok ladies, getting ready to head to appointment.. Send some prayers up, dance a jig, throw some salt... lol Updates later. Have a great day Ladies!

I really hope I like this new doc. First lady doc I have ever had. She comes highly recommended, but I always get a lil nervous having someone new all in my lady business.. lol



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:52 AM   26
Uni tsi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tcinks View Post
Wow I missed a lot over night!

Melissa, maybe I should look into finding a reasonably priced acupuncturist! Sorry about the I also got one today at 10dpo with a frer. I know there's still hope but I feel like I'm out. Waiting to hear how your appointment goes!

Welcome Uni! A loss at 35 weeks? Wow. I'm so sorry. If you don't mind, do they know what happened? I understand about the different friend groups, but I don't fit into any of mine anymore, it seems! 1. Pregnant or have young babies 2. Don't want kids 3. Have had losses before but have children now, and somehow forgot how hard it was. These boards and you ladies are so comforting to me, I don't feel so alone on here. DH thinks I spend too much time on it sometimes, but honestly it helps keep me sane! I'd have no one else to really talk to if I wasn't on here. People don't know how to relate or what to say, and I want to talk about my babies and how I'm feeling sometimes still. They existed and I don't want to forget them like people seem to think I should.

So like I said I'm10dpo with a Bleh. Had a little meltdown for a while but I'm feeling okay now. Just looking forward to the next cycle, maybe trying opks??
Sorry to hear you didn't get your positive today. I really wanted to celebrate that with you today as my symbol of hope for 2016 but you're not out yet maybe tomorrow is your day

They don't have any explanation. We got the report just recently, it was inconclusive. She was totally perfect in every way. The only thing unusual was that the placenta was found to be small for gestational age but she was average for growth. I know I should just be glad there isn't something in particular to have to worry about next time, but I also wish there was a diagnosis so it would be easier to understand what happened. There weren't any warnings and I was scanned 2x a week because they considered me high risk due to age. Three days before we lost her, they did a nonstress test and everything was great. I would have had another one that afternoon but I never made it to the appointment because my water broke in the morning as I woke up. She had been moving the night before. She left sometime while I was sleeping and they think that's why my water broke, because she was already gone. I always slept on my left side and did everything they said to do including kick counts They did say the cord was wrapped around her when she was born, but that was inconclusive too because they said it didn't seem that tight or knotted or anything.

Thank you for asking, it makes me sad but I like to talk about it. I'm sorry for your losses. I would love to hear about your babies, too. You don't know it yet cause I've mostly been lurking up till now, but when I came on here back in November, your posts was one of the first ones I saw and right away I admired you for your courage, grace, and strength.

If you try OPKs next month, I strongly advise not getting the cheapies. I spent the whole time this cycle scratching my head and totally uncertain. They say the line should be dark, but all I got was a faint line on the day LH must of peaked based on CM, which was technically still a negative. So, it was just really frustrating. But it did make me feel like I was being proactive, at least it gave me something to do lol I have high hopes for the digitals although they were a bit more pricey.

MsH thank you so much for your support this morning I woke up super early and I'm not sure what I would have done with myself this morning if you hadn't been around to chat with! Good luck with your appointment. We want updates later



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 11:58 AM   27
Uni tsi
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It does make me glad for us that we have supportive spouses. A friend of mine said something I found really profound - that tragedy either causes couples to turn towards each other in their grief or away from one another. I do feel so lucky that my hubby has been so supportive. I don't think I would have gotten through this without him. I'm glad to hear you ladies have that support too.

And, he's not aware I go on here cause I mostly do it when I'm alone. But, if he did know he'd tell you all "thanks" cause otherwise I'd be a hot mess by the time he got home from work every day



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 12:20 PM   28
tcinks
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Wow Uni. I'm so sorry I understand what you mean about wanting to know a reason, then you feel like you have a plan for how to prevent it next time. Did you name your daughter?

My first loss last October was at 13 weeks with a baby boy we named Ronen. Everything was going fine until that point, when I started having some light cramps and then a gush of blood. I went to see mymidwife and she just said to rest and go get an ultrasound the next day ( looking back, I should have gone to the er. But it was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what to do except listen to her.). Anyway I cramped all night and went to the ultrasound the next day and the guy said it looked like I had a weak cervix and needed to go to the hospital to get a cerclage. I get to the hospital and they say I'm in the middle of a miscarriage and there's nothing to do but wait. Those cramps were actually contractions and I had no idea They led me to a birth room upstairs and my baby came soon after. It was emotionally and physically traumatic for me. I bled on and off for almost 3 months because they thought everything passed and it hadn't.

I got pregnant again in February of 2015 and was so nervous. But with my history, I was monitored more closely and eventually started to relax. At 17 I started to feel some pressure on my cervix and everyone assured me it was normal (as usual). But I went to the er anyway...they didn't find anything wrong. I wasn't convinced. At my 20 week checkup, baby looked perfect, but they noticed my cervix was less than 1 cm , instead of the 3-4 range it should be. I was wrecked, but the doctor put in a pessary and said everything would be fine. I was so worried but she was so nonchalant. I asked if I should take it easy or go on bedrest or anything. She said no. Just come back in3 weeks to be checked. 3 weeks seemed like an awful long time with my cervix already being so short. But she's the expert right? (she was my high risk specialist) anyway all that weel I decided to do bed rest anyway, and dh agreed. I still didn't feel right so I kept calling my doctors (normal obgyn and high risk) and they just said what I was feeling was normal. I finally got in to see my normal obgyn Monday night and she said my cervix was closed. So I finally relaxed. Baby is going to be okay, I need to stop stressing. Tuesday night I go to the bathroom and feel like something is coming out of me. We call 911 and rush to the hospital. The pessary didn't work and my cervix was wide open with baby getting ready to come out they thought maybe they could push the sac back in and sew up my cervix but the pessary she put it was stuck. There was nothing to do but wait...and wait. At some point I started bleeding and they said they had to get the process going or I could bleed out. Everything was such a blur, I couldn't believe I was about to lose another baby. They broke my water and we waited. All night they kept checking my baby's heartbeat until it was no more . 6:00am Thursday, no more heartbeat numbness and shock was all there was. They thought I would deliver her on my own but after a few hours of no contractions they gave me medicine to speed it along. A couple of hours later I had delivered my baby girl. Selah Ellease.



 
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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 12:58 PM   29
Uni tsi
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Our daughter has a name, but when I was pregnant and people would ask we'd always say we were waiting to look her in the eye to make sure it fit her so we weren't telling anyone yet. I never got to see her eyes

tcinks my heart aches for you having to experience such heartbreak twice. I wish they had listened to your concerns! Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry you had to go through that trauma. Ronen and Selah have an amazing mother.



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Old Dec 31st, 2015, 13:15 PM   30
MsH15
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Update* i like this doc. She is nice and seems to very supportive as a doc. She did however say she believes I have an infertility issue due to possible scarring in my remaining left tube. She referred me to a specialist about hour from us. Unfortunately i am in a smaller town. So on to the next step... calling the specialist and preaying we have the $ for whatver she suggests. Still refuse give up hopes or lose faith. Afterall God can do what no man can.



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