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Old Nov 2nd, 2016, 06:03 AM   1
bke
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What should I do? Lost after a 2nd tri loss


I lost my son at about 21 week few weeks ago. I have now had my first period but am an emotional mess. I grieve for what could have been and my heart aches. I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression and the doctor is a bit worried about me.

This has been a rough year. I get severe morning sickness from week 5 - 14 usually and therefore I have been little or distracted at work since may when I got pregnant. First I had bad nausea and vomiting, then few good weeks and then the horrible loss of our baby. I have returned to work but I have not until very recently been able to concentrate at all so I am not in a good place there.

Last time I met my doctor he adviced me to wait for some time ttc because of my mental health. He wants to put me on antidepressants (not to be taken when pregnant) and recommends at least 6 months up to year for me to get over the loss and establish myself in the world again, catch up on work and ect.. I get what he is thinking but the thought of becoming pregnant again is somehow the ray of hope I have been focusing on. I feel so empty when I think about letting it go for such a long time. Even though I have my two wonderful kids. But it is not good either to be doing badly at work, feeling depressed and also physically worse off than usual (I gained weight during the pregnancy I lost). My husbands wants another baby but also only wants what is best for me.

Sorry about the ramblings. I feel so lost and it is such a hard choice to decide to let got of ttc and go on medication. I feel like my baby is still waiting to join us and I will be prolonging that period. I also don´t get pregnant very easily, it took about 8 months to conceive my son.

Anyone got an advice or an opinion?



 
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Old Nov 4th, 2016, 15:20 PM   2
Myshelsong
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Hi bke.
First I am so very very sorry about your loss. It sounds like you have had a very rough year. Big hugs.

We lost our son at 21 weeks on September 24 and I am smack in the middle of my first af. I am a complete emotional wreck, but every day is better than the first day so that is something. I want nothing more than being pregnant, my whole body craves it and my heart aches for it again. Although we are planning on starting again in January (doing FET) I know that I have to be emotionally ready first. I don't think I could take a early pregnancy loss or even a failed FET right now without it doing much more damage to my emotional state.
We are talking about therapy, I have joined multiple online grief groups (i can send you some info for the Facebook one If you like) and I got some anti anxiety medication as I was having some panic attacks and issues sleeping for a bit. I am giving my body the time to heal as suggested by my doctors and when that is healed I will evaluate if my heart has healed enough to move forward.

If you are looking for opinions would suggest really focusing on your mental health while your body heals and then focusing on getting pregnant when you are ready. Also talk to your partner about this as well, get their views and see if they are ready. I know this loss really upset my hubs, and I don't think he is ready either right now, he needs to be able to heal.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2017, 03:42 AM   3
mina101
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Hi ladies. I'm so very sorry about your losses. I lost our precious triplet boys at 20 weeks over Christmas due to ttts and possibly weak cervix and since I joined this 'club' for which no woman wants membership I've been amazed at how many of us there are. It''s so sad. I am still in early stage of grieving Bke, like yourself so I don't have great advice to give. I still have Flash backs, panics and find public places stressful. I have to say I am terrified of returning to work being away from my husband and dealing with all the people who are pregnant there. I'm not due back for another month though. I decided to take the extra time to recover physically and mentally. You are back at work very early. Can you take some more time for yourself? It might speed up your recovery. I know it's not always easy financially. In terms of wanting to be pregnant again I am with you on that. I am the same. Our boys were not easy got and I know that our ivf clinic want me to wait 6 months before another round to heal properly (I had sepsis too). It's so hard to think about waiting so long. We'll continue to try naturally but realistically this 6 month wait is more likely. Maybe its for the best. I try to deal with it by telling myself that this time I have now is for me and the boys so I can concentrate on grieving for them fully and getting my body back in condition slowly.

Wishing you all the love and luck in the world to you both. No one deserves to be in this position. I think we are doing great if we can simply open our eyes in the morning.



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Old Jan 19th, 2017, 08:07 AM   4
Myshelsong
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Hi Mina, so sorry for your loss Hun. Sending you lots of love
Although I know thinking 6 months is really far off, it does take a few months for your body to recover. For me my first cycle was traumatic, it really hit home that I no longer had him with me. The grief was over whelming for the first full cycle.
This has been the hardest four months of my life. I am still having a hard time going out and "being normal", I still cry in the car when I am by myself and I am terrified that this FET won't work. I am 4dpt and although I am trying to be positive, I don't know how to be positive anymore.
I try to give myself point for little accomplishments that I just didn't think I was going to be able to do. Go to the grocery store and not cry at the new borns, went to the mail box, visited a friend, went to the movies etc.

I am a part of a Facebook grief group, it is a secret group so posts are secret if you are ever looking for another outlet. Message me your email that is connected to FB and I can add you. If not, I am always here.



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2017, 04:18 AM   5
mimi4
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I am sorry. All the best in yr ttc ing xx



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Old Jan 20th, 2017, 10:26 AM   6
saraw0715
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i had a m/c last week at 13 weeks. I too am just lost and depressed and sad and agry all types of emtions.. looking for answers too hoping i can get pregnant sooner than later



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