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Old Dec 15th, 2017, 14:50 PM   1
VioletsMommy
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Holidays after a loss


So I lost Violet a month and a half before last Christmas... and I knew Christmas was going to be rough, and it was. I cried myself to sleep every day through New Year's. This year, I wasn't expecting it to be so bad, especially since I'm TTC again... but after four days of negative HPTs and telltale AF-like cramps, I'm being forced to accept that this isn't going to be my month for my rainbow baby. And now all I can do is sit here and cry because this should be my little girl's first Christmas but she's not here and I want her to be here so bad... and I'm just finding myself a lot more down than I expected. Anyone else having this trouble? Have any tips? Because I'm so down today I've barely been out of bed.



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2017, 13:06 PM   2
elmum
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Violet, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice from experience. This is my first Christmas without my daughter, and she was due just after Christmas. It's hard for me not to think about what it would have been like if we were getting ready to meet her any day now.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Thinking of you.



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2017, 15:56 PM   3
VioletsMommy
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elmum, I'm sending you the biggest hugs, I'm so sorry. It's not fair



 
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Old Dec 24th, 2017, 19:38 PM   4
VioletsMommy
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I just came in from my garden. Where I buried my daughter (it was so early they just did nothing, but I know I buried her). I read her the story of the First Christmas and Night Before Christmas. I lit a candle. It snowed, the wind gusted, and that little candle that I've lit for two Christmases now stayed lit the whole time... and then I just broke down and cried. I miss my daughter. I know some people won't understand how I can miss her when she wasn't here... but that's just the thing - to me, she was here, for the few short weeks I knew I was carrying her.

Praying this will be my last Christmas as a mother with empty arms.



 
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Old Dec 26th, 2017, 23:47 PM   5
flou
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Sending you lots of hugs. And i understand how you feel. I have lost three babies and I miss each one of them. Yes it is possible to miss someone whom you never met. You carried your little one even if just for a short time. I am lucky and blessed to have a rainbow and because I have lost babies it has changed me as a mother. I hope it has made me a better mother. I should have been pregnant this Christmas, I would have been about to start my third trimester, and I weeped for my recent loss on Christmas day. I hope you get your rainbow soon. It won't take away the pain of losing your little one but your rainbow will be worth all this pain heartache. Be kind to yourself.



 
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Old Dec 27th, 2017, 10:21 AM   6
VioletsMommy
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Biggest hugs back to you, it is so hard... people don't get that just because they didn't meet them, WE still did. I spent every day that she was here with her.

Christmas eve was hard and sad, but my family made Christmas day easier than I had expected, they were a riot



 
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