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Old Aug 1st, 2018, 06:50 AM   1
wifeybby
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TTCAL & LTTTCAL buddies - join me!


Hi girls

I've been actively TTC with PCOS for 3+ years. In June, I got my first ever BFP. It was amazing! My baby lived to 8+3, we found out at 8+4. I had a D&C due to it being a MMC, I never bled on my own; as well as given the opportunity for genetic testing. I spotted for 6 days after the procedure. While it was by far, THE WORST thing to ever have happened - I tend to think of it as, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times" mantra. We loved and wanted our baby so badly.

However, life always goes on. No matter how badly we don't want it to, or how awful we feel. It's hard to imagine a future without our baby. We feel that all we can do is cherish our memories of our first baby, honor them appropriately, and try again. My 2 week post-op appointment is Friday, when RE will check my uterus and make sure all is well to try again.

Feel free to find my journal in "LTTTC journals" for my full story.

Just looking for some TTC buddies that are also unfortunately AL. It just puts such a spin on TTC. I thought LTTTC was bad - this is worse. I'm sorry to anyone who has been through a loss, no matter how early or late. It's awful. Even if you read and run, no offense taken, but please know you're not alone.

Fingers crossed this thread brings new friends and many rainbow babies.



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Old Aug 4th, 2018, 10:35 AM   2
flou
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Hi wifey. I am sorry for your loss Me and DH are ttc baby number 2 and I have recently turned 37 so really feeling pressure time wise. I have had some issues conceiving and have also experienced mcs so it seems like a struggle to get pg and then to keep it is another struggle. But I do have 3 year old DS who is my world. It took us 19 months to get our first bfp which we mc at 6 weeks, another 11 months ttc which then resulted in another loss at 6 weeks. We then ttc for another 7 months and then got our bfp with DS. Then last year we decided to ttc for number 2. We got a bfp after just 2 months ttc but unfortunately we mc at 6 weeks. That was a year ago. My last cycle, currently cd4, I thought I could be pg. My period was a week late and I had loads of symptoms which have been like when im pg. I just picked up the courage to test when all symptoms disappeared and AF arrived. So that could have been something but not confirmed. I find I have good days and bad days. I just hope I get a second rainbow and my DS wasn't just a fluke. I know I am blessed to have him and that helps to stay positive. I hope you get your rainbow soon!



 
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Old Aug 8th, 2018, 12:12 PM   3
wifeybby
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Hi Flou! Sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m sorry for your losses, too. It’s just simply the worst thing ever to go through. The worst. That’s awesome you have DS, living proof you can do it! I hope you get your rainbow baby soon too. I wouldn’t know what to think of that last cycle either - I would go with your gut feeling. It’s crazy how sometimes we know our bodies so well, then not at all other times.

I’m CD21 today.. I go back to my RE on the 15th/CD28 for hcg and progesterone blood tests, a saline ultrasound and see what my next step is. It’s my first cycle AL so they’ll see if I O’d or not and if I need to take provera to bring on AF.

On top of that, of course pregnancy announcements are pouring in. So happy for those expecting, but so hurt that it isn’t me. It was me. But now, I’m back to having nothing. It just sucks. I just really really really hope we get a rainbow baby to take home someday.



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Old Aug 9th, 2018, 14:06 PM   4
flou
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Its cd 9 for me so hopefully my body should start gearing up to O soon. Probably be in about a weeks time.

Good luck with your appointment. After each of my losses my cycles came back straight away, no issues. But for some women it can take some time for the body to sort itself out. I know what you mean about pregnancy annoucements! During each of my mcs a friend has annouced their pregnancy. And I hate having to deal with questions like "are you planning to have another baby?" Or before we had DS I kept being asked about when were we thinking of having kids? DS arrived 5 years into mine and DHs marriage so we had a few years of questioning, which got to me. People never imagine the possibility that you may have trouble conceiving and having kids. I recently got asked by a friend, who didn't know me when I was trying for DS, if I was planning another. My friend and her DH have just started ttc number 1. For the first time I was honest and open about my struggles which actually felt good. She was apologetic for asking me about having more but I reassured that she didn't need to apologise as she didn't know. I think that was the first person who isn't DH or my parents that I have truly spoken about it to. But not because I haven't wanted to, its just having the strength emotionally to talk about it.

Are you ttc again straight away and hoping you have caught this cycle? Some people reckon you are more fertile after a mc. Or are you waiting until after seeing your RE?



 
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Old Aug 10th, 2018, 06:45 AM   5
wifeybby
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Good luck! Hope you can get some BD in this weekend to get things going.

I didn't use OPKs or do anything to try to determine O, but we DTD quite a bit. I noticed last night my bbs felt heavy and sore, along with now minor constipation; so I'm hopeful that I O'd sometime. I want nothing more than to catch this cycle or one soon, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. I don't want to symptom spot, but I would at least feel better if I did O at a decent CD. With PCOS there's plenty of cycles I don't O, if I do it's usually much later in the cycle than the textbook CD14. On CD1 I'm supposed to call in and schedule the saline ultrasound; which I hear helps fertility too. So I do really hope we see our rainbow soon.

The announcements and questions are brutal... especially when they come in together! I'm 27, so I've been able to use the "we want to wait until we buy a house .. we might save having kids for our 30's .. maybe someday" kind of answers. Of course, then sometimes I get "the talk" from other women that "oh, you don't want to be the old mom that people wonder if you're the mom or grandma - you don't want to wait much longer, I promise." Having kids in your 30's was always normal to me; I think up until all this Teen Mom MTV bs came up, those in their early/mid 20's didn't get so hassled. It's weird. We've been together for 9 years, married for almost 3. I work with kids as a school nurse, so it's clear to most people I love kids and want them - but it's too hard to really be open about. I've met a couple other nurses at work that have dealt with infertility - one, a great friend, recommended this RE to me. The other, had severe problems with her fallopian tubes along with/after an ectopic. She went on to adopt 10 kids!! Some have special needs and don't live with her, some are grown and out of the house - she's a grandma now and loves it all. A lot of her kids are around my age. So it's nice to have some people IRL that you can be open with this about. I'm glad you were able to open up to your friend. It does feel like a weights been lifted after, doesn't it? I hope she continues to be someone you can be open with.

Do you temp or use OPKs? Or do you mainly DTD when your expected window is coming up?



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Old Aug 11th, 2018, 13:18 PM   6
flou
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I have heard the saline flush helps fertility. And it does sound as if you did O this cycle. Fingers cross that you may get a bfp! Remember you have conceived before so you can do so again!

I don't temp or use opks. I find it too much pressure. Do you use opks or temp? One good thing about ttc for a while is that you get to know your body. I can tell when my body is gearing up for O. I chart using the fertility app Flo, mainly to track my cycle. We try to bd every other day during the fertile window. And the rest of the month we try as often as feel like or can. We almost schedule it in, which is weird we never had to that when trying for DS. But since he has come around we are both so tired (working full time and being mummy can be so tiring but I wouldn't swap it!). And even though we have been blessed with a good sleeper and a generally good egg of a son, there is still the odd time he will have a meltdown before bed or wake up in the night. But we try to make the effort with each other and attempt to bd during that crucial time! I just hope it doesn't take long for us to get our little rainbows. Trust me they are worth all of the pain and heartache!



 
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