Hello ladies,

We lost our angel Olivia on 18th January at 21 weeks. She was an absolute treasure, and we still cannot believe that 'it happened to us'. We have spoke to a few couples who have had stillborns, and they said that they tried straight away after their loss as that was the only thing they wanted and it helped to 'heal' them. Now, we want a baby so so much, but I feel that Olivia, as silly as it may sound to some, may feel pushed away if we do this. Am I being crazy? We are waiting now for her post mortem reults, as she was smaller than what she should have been for 21 weeks so they asked for permission to carry this out to see if there was anything wrong. I want to try again but i'm so scared it will happen again. Thank you for reading xx

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.. Our loss was much earlier but it's still emotionally the only thing that feels as if it will help is to try again... So that's what we will do and again everyone is different so you and hubby have to do what feels right for you! Good Luck and Keep in touch, may Olivia rest with the angels peacefully!

Hi Miss Mitch, I'm sorry for your loss, I know all to well how you must be feeling and the emotions you are going through, its really tough knowing that another family has had to endure such an awful tragedy, it just doesnt seem fair that so many of us have to lose our precious LOs.
If you feel its too early to try again then wait until you are ready, do not worry that others feel ready straight away.
I dont think Olivia will feel pushed a side hun, she will see how much you want to be a mummy & how much you love her by desiring a baby. Its still early days for you, do you have a date for a follow up yet? PM results can often prolong you getting an appointment. It might be worth waiting until you have all the answers as until you know why she grew her wings it will be difficult for you to start to come to terms with whats happened. Did they give you any indication of what may have caused it? Once you know what caused it you will be in a better position to try again & they will make a plan about what will happen with your next pregnancy.
I lost my baby at 19 1/2 weeks exactly 10 weeks ago, we chose not to have a PM as they told us we probably wouldnt get any answers from the tests they do as everything with our baby seemed normal in terms of his size, features etc. We had our follow up 6 weeks later. They didnt find a cause for my loss. All we know is my membranes broke and labour followed resulting in the birth of our baby. My consultant has been great and explained if I have any questions all I need to do is ask. He has suggested additional scan and tests during my next pregnancy, not because he thinks anything will go wrong but just for reassurance. The next time you get pregnant you should be looked after very well as second trimester losses are so rare & therefore they dont want us to have to go through such a thing again either - even though the odds of it happening again is ridiculously small.

I see you live in Kent.....me too, so I guess what ever hospital you were seen at would have similar procedures. If you have any questions then just ask hun.

We definitely want to try again, we want a child in our arms so much! I just don't want Olivia to feel that we don't want her or other people to judge us, I know I shouldn't care what others think though.. No, no date yet, (I assume you mean for pm results?) we are waiting for the call/letter. My midwife who has been visiting me at home since Olivia's birth has told me I will get a closer eye kept on my next pregnancy which is reasuring. Do you get a 'check up' in the weeks after having a (hate this bloody word) stillborn? to make sure everything is gone etc? Thank you both for replying x

No I didn't have a check up or anything as I was given a drip straight after Bertie was born to help deliver the placenta & I was on that for 3 hours from what I remember so I assume that just flushes everything out anyway. I literally didn't see anyone again apart from getting signed off work until the consultants appointment 6 weeks after where he went through the results with us. I didn't even have a midwife come out to me x

Bertie, what a lovely name I didn't have a drip, I had some sort of 'scrape' thing. I went back to work yesterday, didn't feel ready but am ok-ish now though. Wow, was that by choice you didn't have a midwife come out to you? x

I think I understand how you feel- you need time to feel she existed and don't want to "replace" her. I do find it helps to have purpose and trying again helped me although still no success... I wish you every luck xx

No to be honest the whole after care thing was a total fuck up & the family liaison at the hospital were useless,we had to wait almost 4 weeks for them to get the funeral date which ended up as 23rd Dec.
The midwife in the hospital said someone would call & a midwife would come out but nothing ever happened! It would have been useful so I could ask questions & my milk arrived too which was bloody painful & like a kick in the teeth! X

So sorry I understand the want to try again..but scared ..I had a miscarrage in June
and we now feel ready to try again ...thoughts and prayers for you.

That is exactly it, i'm glad this is what some others feels too...Makes me feel half normal in a way. Thank you! x