Crossposted from the introduction section..

I've been lurking on these forums for a week or so... and figured why not join? A little about me.. I'm 30 years old (31 in June), newly engaged with my fiancé since December, and will be ttc next month.

I became pregnant in late August, but ended up miscarrying at almost 8 weeks. When both of us found out I was pregnant, we were both terrified because it was our first for both of us. As a couple of weeks went by, we both eased into the excitement and elation and we were already thinking of baby names. Well on a Wednesday night while I was on break at work, I went to the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding a little. I went to the ER (I didn't know WHAT to think). They checked me out, said that the baby was just fine and that the heartbeat was good, and that I was 7 weeks and 4 days. We both went home relieved.

*THE NEXT PART MAY BE TMI - SKIP IF YOU GET QUEASY*


That Saturday night.. only 3 days after I went to the ER, however, I woke up to go to the bathroom and passed a few large clots. My heart sunk into my stomach and I knew that I most likely miscarried.. I went into the bedroom and got my fiancé, he came into the bathroom and put on some gloves, pulled out a clot and we both saw that it was the baby. I really wish I hadn't seen it, because seeing the eyes, bones and overall.. just the forming fetus.. devastated me. We went back to the hospital and they confirmed that I did in fact miscarry, and I had a d/c a couple hours later.

The next few months I've been in and out of depression, blaming myself for what happened, crying and getting jealous every time I'd see a pregnant woman while I was out shopping, or on tv. I never understood why women got so sad.. now I do. I felt (and still do sometimes) that I had something awesome and it was ripped away from me. And I don't see how it's fair that women/people who don't even WANT a baby have perfectly normal pregnancies. I was angry for quite a while. And I wish nobody had to go through what I did.. but unfortunately it's common.

Anyway! To sum it up.. I got pregnant in late August 2011, miscarried in the end of October 2011.

Now we're going to TTC next month. In the back of my mind I'm scared of having a repeat, but going through this experience really showed me and my fiancé that we're ready to have a little peanut, and to make a family. Thanks for reading!

I'm sorry for your loss! I hope you concieve a sticky bean FAST!

Im so sorry! Your story is absolutely heart breaking How terrible it mustve been to actually see that ..
Until i stumbled across this forum i felt like the only person in the world going through these terrible feelings, hating other pregnant women was my most horrible feeling, I hate how their pregnancies seem so easy and happy and i know i will never get those first feelings of excitement and pure elation ever again. I also experienced my fair share of people 'trying to help' when they would say insensitive things like 'its meant to be' and 'everything happens for a reason' and just wanting to slap them in their face! Unfortuanately i knew they were just trying to make me feel better but i wish they wouldnt! Anyway just know that you are not alone in all the depressing feelings you go through. I wish you lots of luck!

I'm so sorry for your loss

good luck xx

Thank you!!!! That's exactly how I felt. I'm really hoping though that if I get pregnant, I won't be depressed or not excited.. I want to feel the way I did when I was pregnant for those short couple of months.. Knowing me I'll probably be full of dread the entire time

Thank you ladies!

I am so sorry for your loss. I seen my little beany too, I remember her perfect little eyes and everything

Fingers crossed for a sticky bean x

I'm so sorry you had to go through that as well

It's nice to meet you!

Thank you everyone.