I had a chemical August 1st last year. I was 5 weeks. Tomorrow is the day i would have possibly had him/her. It's so tough. It's really hard to know at this time i could have possibly had my child here with me. Instead, i've spent the last 8 months TTC with no luck...
Words couldn't describe how much hatred and disappointment i feel. I'm so mad at the world. I've done so well with handling this situation. I find myself feeling this way most because i'm not pregnant yet. It wouldn't be so bad if i knew i had another bundle of joy on it's way.
Just about everyone who miscarried back when i did are pregnant again. It's so unfair! Why do i have to get the short end of the stick? I know there's a plan for me. I know it will eventually work out, but until then what the hell am i suppose to do? I want a baby so badly. I find myself testing at 5dpo because more than anything i want to see that BFP.
I love and miss my angel every day. I wish i could have met him/her. I wish i was able to look into their eyes and tell them i love them. I am just so out of it right now. I can't even think straight. It's really hard to keep going forward when you don't even want to.
awe hun! i am so sorry! i just read your post and i couldnt read and run. i cant imagine how it must feel being your due date today
i was 9 weeks pregnant with my first and i have just lost her 4 weeks ago, i understand the hatred for the world and how unfair it feels. i dont have any encouraging words to say other than im sorry and that i hope you get your lovely little one soon!
I was told when i lost mine that 1 in 3 lose their babies before 12 weeks( this was supposed to make me feel better...it doesnt) but i have 2 friends pregnant one 18 weeks and other 12. i hate that im that 1 of the 3 life isnt fair, i know that to be true
im sending my love from scotland and hope that this helps, even just a little to know that someone understands a (little).
Thank you Kat. Your words mean so much. When you mentioned your other 2 friends getting to keep their babies and you weren't... that's EXACTLY what i said when i lost my LO. My friend found out she was pregnant 3 weeks after me and here she is about ready to give birth
It's very very unfair, but to have this site and people like you is what gets me through it! I feel blessed to be an angel mommy, but i'd love it more if she/he wasn't just an angel. I wish they were really here!!
I know we will get our rainbow. That's what keeps me truckin along.
I am so sorry for your loss... You are not alone. Your due date would have been the 1-yr birthday for my little one. I lost him in sept 2010 and have been ttc ever since. It is so hard.... I rarely even check Facebook anymore because someone is always making an announcement. I am sincerely happy for them, but feel that it is so unfair. Then I feel guilty for thinking those thoughts...
Anyway, I am very sorry. Please know that you are not alone and it is completely normal to feel what you're feeling. I don't think anyone can possibly understand until they've been here.... I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I am so sorry! My due date was in September so I have a ways to go before then and I keep worrying if I will be pregnant by then... and if not how will I handle not being pregnant on my due date. When I read your post it really hit me that it may not happen so fast for me. All of my family members and friends keep telling me that it will happen again soon, but we never really know what is in store for us.
I know exactly what you mean about your friends being pregnant. My younger sister in law is pregnant and was only a few weeks ahead of me. I saw her for Easter and it was so hard. We used to talk baby stuff together, but now it is awkward. My husband and I tried for 2 years before getting pregnant, and my sister-in-law got pregnant on her first try. Now I am seeing her belly grow and it only reminds me of where I would have been if I didn't miscarry Now my mom wants me to plan her baby shower and she does not understand why I am grumpy around her. I honestly can't help it!
All of this is so hard - no matter our individual situations. But... it does help knowing that others are going through the same things. I will be praying for all of us!
Dani Rose - i'm so sorry you had 2 MC's. It's so hard to go through. I couldn't imagine how you're feeling. I know so many people tell us that it will happen and blahblahblah. Just know that it truly will happen when the time is right. Keep trying and no matter how many times you fall down or have MCs, keep trying. Your rainbow is on it's way. I guarantee it!
Lauren - it sounds like you're in the same boat i am. My mother doesn't understand anything about my MC. She tells me "you were only 5 weeks.. was your baby even developed yet?". like OMG!! I just gave up trying to talk to her about it. She says so many hurtful things about it that i just don't even wanna talk about it with her. She talks about my sisters twin girls all the time. She doesn't even take into consideration that it may hurt me. Therefore, i can totally relate to your mom wanting you to help with the baby shower. It's so hard to plan such a beautiful, happy moment for someone when they have stole exactly what you wanted!! It's nothing to be ashamed about. It's apart of the healing process. It doesn't get any easier either. I don't care what anyone says. The longer you have to wait, the more bitter you get. You start to just hate everyone and everything that is pregnant or has a baby. Hunny, i hope you have better luck than i do with this whole TTC process. I hope you can end up pregnant again with your rainbow before September. I am here for you during all of it. I know what you're going through. I've been through it and am still going through it! My OH and i have been together since 2003. We were 15 yrs old. Now i am 23 and he is 24 and it's been like 2 yrs we've been TTC. It's so hard to know when the next oppurtunity will be that we can have a little one, but it's not up to us. It's all mother nature. Good luck hun!! xoxo
I'm on cycle #9 so share your anger, resentment and frustrations. Seems such a long time to wait. Im sure we will look back when we have our rainbows and wonder why we stressed so much about it. Fx'ed for this month Hun x
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