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Old Apr 18th, 2017, 20:04 PM   871
PediNurseMom
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Hi Heaveneats,

So sorry to hear about your news I can certainly imagine that would feel discouraging Maybe this will just confirm for your hubby that he wants a 3rd after all. And maybe if you both go into it thinking that the chances are low, that it would be that much more of a pleasant surprise if/when you see a BFP! I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope you end up with the family you've always wanted

I'm completely confused right now. I told my husband about what happened yesterday and he was practically speechless. I told him that I really wasn't sure what I wanted and that 95% of the time I feel completely secure in our plan to stick with two, but that there's always this quiet, nagging little voice that says otherwise.

I know what you mean about, "if you even have a small hint that your not done, your definitely not done"- I've heard that too and I've mentioned it to my husband before and he thinks it's silly

He basically thinks that if there are more cons to having another baby (financially, logistically, etc.) and you feel good about stopping where you are (most of the time), then you should stick with that and not let a "small feeling" take over.

He said that your post was probably just a coincidence and that if I "go looking for signs" then I'll somehow manage to find them anywhere. First of all, in my gut, it felt like more than just a little coincidence. I believe in God and I believe in signs and this felt like one. What are the odds that in the very moment that I happened to be thinking, "I really don't feel like I'm done. I feel like there's a 3rd child that's meant to be in our family" that I would get an email from BandB- about a thread from 2 years ago, talking about how you're going to try for baby #3. ??? The two things literally happened within seconds of each other.

I had a very visceral reaction at the time and had tears in my eyes- not tears of joy or sadness, just tears of overwhelming emotion- like God was trying to open my eyes and tell me something. It's hard to explain but I just felt something very strong in that moment. It stopped me dead in my tracks.

And just as a side note, I'm not even ovulating or anything. I'm 3 days into my period, so this doesn't feel like it's just hormonal. And again, it's not the first time it's happened.

But again, my husband thinks it's just a really strange coincidence and that I'm just reading into things because I want to. I then told him that, even if that's the case, doesn't it say something that I may be, in fact, "looking for signs"- maybe that's very telling of where my heart is, deep down. I don't know.

After discussing the subject again, he (not surprisingly) wasn't receptive to the idea of a third. I brought up the idea that maybe we could set a very short timeline, like 3 tries and if nothing happens, I can consider that my answer from God that it's not meant to be and we should stick with two. I think I'd rather do that than never try and always wonder what could have been. I don't want to feel that regret once it's too late and I think if we just left it up to God (for just a brief period), I would be able to feel more at peace with our family instead of feeling this inner turmoil 5% of the time.

I told him that I don't want to even consider another baby if he's not on board....I definitely would want it to be something we both want and are both excited about, so I asked him, flat out where he stood on the idea... he then said, "I just wish I could give you those 3 months of trying without the risk of actually getting pregnant....just so you could have that closure." I guess that was my answer.

I felt my eyes tear up when he said that and I was surprised that I felt so strongly. It just kind of hit me hard and I felt sad. I don't know where to go from here. I'm just so confused. Everything that is logical and rational is telling me, "don't do it...life will be so much harder, so much more stressful, how could we afford another, etc." but that little piece of my heart keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe....there's one more baby that's meant for our family.



 
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Old Apr 19th, 2017, 08:17 AM   872
heaveneats
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pedinurse only you and your husband can decide that. For me i still have that feeling, i'm already stressed having 2 but i grew up in a 3 kids family so maybe thats my problem, DH grew up in a 2 kid family. I know even in the grocery store last night we were talking as i walked b the OV tests and wanted to buy some he said no he wasnt ready to actually 'try'. Then when we were going to bed i was saying to him i want to do what the doctor said and try for 6 months so i can start clomid to make me ovulate as i am not ovulating on my own now, he just looked at me and said isn't that what we are doing because we aren't protecting against it anymore? so he's really mixing me up here right now i'll just go with the flow i guess.

this morning i was trying to get the kids out the door to their grandmas house since she babysits any day that DH and i both work and they both were mad about putting shoes on, then upset that they needed their coats, they wanted granola bars before they left, then DD wanted to bring like 25 toys she forgot to play with yesterday, by the time i got out the door i had to be at work in 15 minutes plus drop them off, and i thought to myself how are you going to do this with 3....

Not to mention i was just walking up the stairs at work with a full coffee looking at my phone because my mother in law was telling me i forgot to pack underwear for DD and i tripped up the stairs spilling coffee all over myself, not turning out to be a great day!

i hope you and hubby can come to a conclusion soon, right now it sounds like hubby has firmly said no but that can change, he also has to consider that if this is something you truly want it will be hard to push away even the 'little' feelings, that being said you also have to consider that he may really just be happy with 2 and i get it i've been there and thought about it, two car seats fit better than 3, 2 parents out numbered, vacations are easier with two.... the list goes on but honestly all of that doesn't matter to me, i have this urge to fill the void, i know my body may never carry another child but at least i can try with all i've got to see what i can do.

I want DH on board and i think this infertility thing scared him into realizing that he may want another and not be able to have one maybe give you DH some time, you've planted the seed so let him think on it.



 
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