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Old Aug 18th, 2015, 19:40 PM   1
Wishful70
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At 40+ How to Get Past the Bio Child Wish


I'm 45 now and have been trying to have my own bio child for 13 years since my husband had his first reversal. More recently went to see RE and she made me feel its time to give up hope on my own bio child and consider Donor Egg. I've been to the fertility clinics over the years and now feel that we were given wrong information, not enough information, and I am mad at myself for not being more aggressive. Funds were an issue too since we would have to pay out of pocket. I've tried to forget about getting pregnant since it was so heartbreaking to find out husband had zero sperm after the 1st reversal. After he had it done, we were trying a lot and I kept having wishful thinking. After a long break after finding out, he had another reversal and we haven't found out yet if he has any sperm. I've been too scared to find out because it crushes me emotionally and I've been foolishly trying to keep positive and hopeful.

After another appt a few years ago, I was given the thought by another doctor having a surrogate would be my answer, so I've been working on trying to fund that and I just found out that's not what I need, in the meantime, my eggs are getting older and it wasn't suggested to me to freeze any. RE said I could try carrying a child but most probable outcome would be DE. Since I thought I needed a surrogate, I gave up all thought on carrying a child what seems like a long time ago.

I've been really depressed lately and hardly get out of bed some days. I'm mourning the loss of not having my own bio child. I can't seem to get past it. Have any of you over 44+ still tried IVF and been successful with own egg?

I've read that being older, our bodies would not let an abnormal egg grow so that could explain why it seems that older women have less children with birth defects. Does that make any sense? Anyone over 40+ have a child with birth defects even with genetic testing done?

I've tried to find local support groups in the Seattle area but not having any luck and it seems most groups are online. I've been keeping this to myself and talked to my husband some but it seems we are bickering more lately because of this stress. I haven't told any friends or family. I do need to communicate about this because I feel sick to my stomach every day and know holding it in isn't healthy. I know I should just accept the reality and try to move forward with DE. I somehow still feel like there is slight hope with Own Egg but when thinking about the costs and the odds... I'm depressed, angry, maybe in denial? and shocked that I might next be trying to carry a child at my age.



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Old Sep 1st, 2015, 10:15 AM   2
Nat777
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I am so sorry to hear about the anguish you are in. I am certainly no expert, but didn't want to read and run on ya.. I can totally understand wanting a child of your own with the man you love, but you are not that old! I myself have been blessed with 2 children (1boy 1 girl-from previous husband) but now am trying with my current spouse. We had a surprise pregnancy a few months back, but unfortunately I miscarried. After the excitement & then the loss, we decided we would try for a baby, on purpose this time!! Btw I am 42 and my spouse is 60! If I were you I would go and get his sperm retested, it takes time to get those sperm going after a vasectomy reversal, that’s not unusual. Has he tried taking some supplements? My guy started taking Fertility Blend for Men vitamins along with a daily multi-…The Fertility Blend is not very expensive (shop around) & has got a lot of great reviews (also my OB highly recommended). Don’t be so hard on yourself. Every day it seems I hear about another star in their mid 40’s having babies…My grandmother had my aunt when she was 48! (perfect, healthy child) It happens, don’t give up hope, you may just need a little assistance. Have you thought about doing an IUI? They basically hand pick the best sperm and insert into you direct…from what I hear it’s only a few hundred as opposed to some of the other more costly methods, call around on it. Again, DONT give up hope. I will keep you in my prayers so both of us become pregnant this year with healthy strong babies!!! In the meantime, keep your chin up!



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