Well, I guess we've been talking about it for a while, with a lot of little conversations. We've had a few big ones though, and I think he finally realizes that I am not going to change my mind. He says he still loves me, and wants to make this work. But there is no way. It's too far beyond broken, there is nothing at this point that he could do that would make me fall back in love with him. It's just very very over. And no, I have not looked for a place or a job yet. The actual moving out part is still a good ways off. I will take my name back. I haven't really changed it on FB. I just took both names off, lol. The whole maiden name thing feels very final and scary for some reason. And I don't really like seeing it, although I'm not sure why. I've still got a long road ahead before this is over. But I feel very proud of myself for staying strong, there have been so many times where I've just wanted to say, never mind! I was wrong, we can make this work. But it only takes a moment to realize that I would be doing that for him, and not at all for me, and I refuse to be miserable for the rest of my life for anyone.
Very much agree with what the girls say your very strong! It takes an exceptional woman to go through what your going trough.
When its all over (how ever long it takes to get you where you want to be) your going to feel like you could climb mount everest! The feeling is undescribable!!!
When I left my ex husband it was the hardest thing I had to do. Months, even years later I knew it was all totaly worth it! I def had thouse times where I wanted to turn back and take the easy way out but it wasn't worth my happiness.
Grace it really sounds like you're doing the right thing for everybody. Keep strong and you know we're all here for you if you need us!
Well this past week has been torturous hell. Three days in a row of being at school all day is just tiring to say the least. I did really well on my test, despite being exhausted and sleep deprived! I got the second highest grade in the class Yesterday I had a skills check off where we have to perform a skill with our instructor evaluating us the whole time. I had to mix and administer two shots to a "patient" (mannequin) and then I also had to perform a bladder irrigation. The medications are by far the toughest check offs to do...I passed that with no problem. Then I failed miserably on possibly the easiest skill we have. I made one mistake and it just went downhill from there. I don't get dinged on my grade for it or anything but I have to come back later and re-try. The worst part though was I got SO emotional about it. I'm really hard on myself if I mess up but I totally broke down and couldn't stop the tears. I had to leave the building and calm down before I could finish up the paperwork for the day. I felt so stupid crying like that over just not completing a check off. I've been unreasonably emotional this pregnancy. Just the tiniest thing will get me to cry.
We've got the gender scan tomorrow at 12:35!! (Pacific time) I'm super anxious now. We don't really have names nailed down for sure yet so I'm hoping seeing the little blip will help. Speaking of blip, I had an appointment today and got to hear the heartbeat, a nice 156. The nurse had to chase it around trying to get the heartbeat on the doppler. Doctor was a little concerned that I just keep on losing weight and wants me to be better about eating, which I will admit I'm terrible about. Everything looked great though. I'll update you as soon as I can with what the gender is! I'm so excited!!!
Yup it's a girl! The tech knew right away what the gender was, and once I saw the potty shot I knew. I'm a little disappointed but I'm a lot excited too. Her name is Lucy Mae. I'll put up pictures once I'm back home. The tech gave us a free HD preview and OMG it was amazing.
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