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Old Dec 12th, 2012, 12:51 PM   7521
babybemine
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I am in a mood

DH and I got into a fight and he refused to BD. (We are supposed to be BDing every other day.) While it is unlikely that I am ovulating, I would like to be able to say that we gave it all we could. I feel like I have to go through all this shit...scary tests (possibly painful) and procedures and DH can't even keep up with his part of the bargain. He still has yet to provide his SA sample as well. Man how I wish that all I had to do was put a sample of my goo in a cup and provide it. I feel like it is wasting time for me to have to have an HSG if we are not going to be BDing anyway.

I am scared to have the HSG. I am afraid of the pain after and during and hopeful for what the answers may be. If DH is going to pick and choose when we BD then why go through with all this. Part of me is debating canceling the HSG and just leaving it up to chance but I guess that would not make sense since this will give me answers regardless. I feel like since I am already 34, the docs are all for moving forward with fertility treatment and that is possibly stressing DH out. I don't think he intended to try so quickly.

On a side note, the hospital called to let me know about a double blind study that is offered during the HSG. They will combine a steroid with the dye used during the procedure to help with inflammation. I called my doctor about this and he was not in the office. The people I did talk to seemed to have no idea about this as if I was the first person to ever bring it up...sounds weird to me. Considering that this is a fertility doctor you would think that other people would of been offered the same and had concerns to bring to the attention of their MD.



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 10:44 AM   7522
LeahMSta
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Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of our lives. The Methotrexate did not resolve the pregnancy. We saw our baby's heartbeat and for a fleeting moment we were a family. Then DW was sent to emergency surgery and the distal end of her fallopian tube was removed. Thankfully I was able to bring her home from the hospital to sleep in our own bed last night. Today we are doing a bit better. DW's pain from surgery is less than she was experiencing with the pregnancy so I am blessed to see her more comfortable and relaxed although both of our hearts are broken we are leaning on each other and moving forward



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 11:27 AM   7523
onebumpplease
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babybemine your hubby is being sooo frustrating. As for the HSG, I did have a rough one, but I'm one of the few and even at that it was well worth it. I found out I had one blocked tube, but one open. Just knowing this made me feel more empowered. Obviously you have to do what's right for you though

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeahMSta View Post
Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of our lives. The Methotrexate did not resolve the pregnancy. We saw our baby's heartbeat and for a fleeting moment we were a family. Then DW was sent to emergency surgery and the distal end of her fallopian tube was removed. Thankfully I was able to bring her home from the hospital to sleep in our own bed last night. Today we are doing a bit better. DW's pain from surgery is less than she was experiencing with the pregnancy so I am blessed to see her more comfortable and relaxed although both of our hearts are broken we are leaning on each other and moving forward
Leah, I cannot imagine the pain you are both going through. I am sending you lots of love.



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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 11:30 AM   7524
Grateful365
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeahMSta View Post
Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of our lives. The Methotrexate did not resolve the pregnancy. We saw our baby's heartbeat and for a fleeting moment we were a family. Then DW was sent to emergency surgery and the distal end of her fallopian tube was removed. Thankfully I was able to bring her home from the hospital to sleep in our own bed last night. Today we are doing a bit better. DW's pain from surgery is less than she was experiencing with the pregnancy so I am blessed to see her more comfortable and relaxed although both of our hearts are broken we are leaning on each other and moving forward
Leah, my heart just broke reading this. I'm so sorry you and DW are having to go through this pain. I know together you can get through it and time will heal. My thoughts and prayers are going your way.



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 23:24 PM   7525
LolaM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeahMSta View Post
Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of our lives. The Methotrexate did not resolve the pregnancy. We saw our baby's heartbeat and for a fleeting moment we were a family. Then DW was sent to emergency surgery and the distal end of her fallopian tube was removed. Thankfully I was able to bring her home from the hospital to sleep in our own bed last night. Today we are doing a bit better. DW's pain from surgery is less than she was experiencing with the pregnancy so I am blessed to see her more comfortable and relaxed although both of our hearts are broken we are leaning on each other and moving forward
Ok, I had to stop reading this because i didnt want my husband to come into the room and see me blubbering like a fool . I am so very sorry, I can not imagine...



 
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Old Dec 14th, 2012, 08:11 AM   7526
Coconuts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeahMSta View Post
Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of our lives.
I'm so sorry this whole thing is drawing out into one big painful nightmare for you both. I can't imagine how frustration all the why why why questions are that must be flying around your heads.
You're being a wonderful wife to her Leah you can't do any more. I hope you have someone near and close (other than your DW) to lean on too. If you don't think DW can share your own emotional burdens then you MUST off load them to someone with broad shoulders a quiet mind and a warm heart. You're going through this too. Don't bottle it up or soldier on without looking after your own emotional needs. If you get sick again from not venting your sadness and frustration, where will DW be then.
So many loves and hugs.

It goes without saying that a full on rant, rave, emotional splurge on here will be received by your friends. You don't have to be strong in front of us as well as everyone else in RL. Lord knows I've had many a melt down in the anals of BnB during my TTC and miscarriage!!!! It's what make BnB so amazing.




 
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Old Dec 14th, 2012, 12:20 PM   7527
LeahMSta
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Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. We are navigating through all of the emotions that go with this loss the bast we know how. I can't help but be a little angry at the powers that be. I just want one flippin thing in my life to be easy...to go the way it's supposed to. I had wondered so many times while TTC when the moment would come that I would feel like a Mom. I know now. That tiny fluttering heartbeat was MY baby too. I've never felt an ache so deep. I know there was no choice. I knew what had to be done. Every part of my soul wanted to scream and push away the Dr take my wife and run....but I knew. I saw the pain on DW's face I saw how pale she was and her heartache. I had to throw up some emotional walls quickly. We laid around and did nothing yesterday. I got to have a good cry. (I hadn't except during the ultrasound) We called in the troops to help us. Our friends and family have rallied. Some are saying the phrases that feel like nails on a chalkboard to me like "I guess it just wasn't that little one's time" or my personal favorite "did it happen because of your 'alternative' way of getting pregnant?" But all of them have the best of inetentions. One day at a time. I hope the nightmares end soon and I can open my heart to the idea of trying again.



 
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Old Dec 17th, 2012, 07:53 AM   7528
joeys3453
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Morning ladies, sorry i have been MIA for a while. I have been lurking but just not typing. I am finally done coaching so that is good so i can relax a little bit. I did play basksetball yesterday i only wanted to be a sub but then found out we only had 5 girls with me! so i am pretty sore today. I forgot how much work it is! but then yesterday i had like very light brown cm but only for a little bit not sure if that is a good sign or what. pus my nipples hurt really bad yesterday but so far they are sore but nothing like yesterday so not sure if it is from playing or what. i am going to keep my hopes up. thursday we test so i am really hoping it is good news.

how is everyone else doing? leah how are you doing?



 
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Old Dec 17th, 2012, 08:40 AM   7529
Grateful365
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joeys3453 View Post
Morning ladies, sorry i have been MIA for a while. I have been lurking but just not typing. I am finally done coaching so that is good so i can relax a little bit. I did play basksetball yesterday i only wanted to be a sub but then found out we only had 5 girls with me! so i am pretty sore today. I forgot how much work it is! but then yesterday i had like very light brown cm but only for a little bit not sure if that is a good sign or what. pus my nipples hurt really bad yesterday but so far they are sore but nothing like yesterday so not sure if it is from playing or what. i am going to keep my hopes up. thursday we test so i am really hoping it is good news.

how is everyone else doing? leah how are you doing?
Joeys sending my best wishes to you for your testing on Thursday!



 
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Old Dec 17th, 2012, 09:54 AM   7530
Coconuts
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Joeys, I always had a little brown spotting that went away completely before my BFPs. FXD!!!!!!



 
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