Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Mar 16th, 2017, 15:20 PM   17141
BethMaassen
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,706
Hiya Ladies.
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 16th, 2017, 15:44 PM   17142
pinkpassion
Pregnant (Expecting)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U.S. of Texas
Posts: 6,420
Beth I'm sorry you are going through all that!!

I don't even know what to say about your dh, I thought getting married automatically gave them rights to work here without issues. But I see that's not the case. That's a tough situation.

Sorry you are having such a hard time right now!!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 16th, 2017, 16:03 PM   17143
OnErth&InHvn
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,298
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethMaassen View Post
Hiya Ladies.
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.
im so sorry no one showed

can you apply for other in home care jobs? Maybe try an agency.

Youll make it with DH, you can do this!!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 16th, 2017, 19:01 PM   17144
lilmisscaviar
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 4,592
How appalling that nobody showed... I'm so sorry

You poor thing, having one thing after another and now the issue with your DH. Going through a tragic event really does test relationships. I really hope you'll be able to work something out for the best. You really do need a break



Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 17th, 2017, 01:38 AM   17145
Angelique76
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethMaassen View Post
Hiya Ladies.
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.
Hi Beth,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I believe that you are feeling the loss in such a way that nothing else seems to work for you. Perhaps you should just take a deep breath, sit for a minute, and think of a way forward. You have had so much on your shoulders and need a time-out. I do believe that once you feel a bit more relaxed, you will think a bit more clearly. I cannot imagine life without my Mom, so I can only imagine how it would impact my life.

Things will work out with DH. You will probably have to lay down a plan, and make him stick to it. Us woman, we tend to take care of things until it gets to a point where we are so overwhelmed that we just can't do it. DH has to know that you need him to fix things. Try not to fight about it. I have had my share of issues as well, and I just found that once I let my DH know that I really need him, and can't continue fixing everything, things started to come right. It's just a bit of advice from my own life, so you have to do what's right for you, and nobody else.

I am really sorry that nobody came to the viewing and that your siblings left so quickly. Just know that you did what was right for your Mum and your family. Whether anyone took the time to honour it is of no consequence, you did what you knew to be right and that is all that matters.

I am sending you lots of hugs and good vibes and pray that you make it through this tough time only stronger. xo



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 18th, 2017, 08:42 AM   17146
FLArmyWife
Other
BnB Addict
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 6,347
beth- I'm so sorry no one showed




 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 18th, 2017, 11:18 AM   17147
Disneymom1129
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Disneyland, CA
Posts: 1,162
Beth that is awful no one showed up, at least you got to say your goodbyes though.

I understand you are lost and still grieving but it's really time for you to step up and take charge, because no one is going to do it for you. There are options for you. Are you already on government assistance? That could be an option while you guys sort things out. Your DH needs to step up more, and you should tell him how you feel. You guys have two beautiful girls together and he should WANT to provide for them.

Try not to lie down and give up so quickly. You have taken a big step in applying for jobs so you have already done well! Just keep applying, the statistic is something like for every ten applications you turn in, you may hear from maybe one. It's rough right now! There is a life beyond your mother, and it's time to start living it

Sorry if any of that came off mean/insinsitive. Just trying to offer you some advice!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 19th, 2017, 23:31 PM   17148
OnErth&InHvn
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,298
im thinking that the 25mg Clomid wont work but its still early. With FE, i got O type pains the last few days of taking them, when it did work, but im not having any symptoms?? Maybe thats normal.

----
Last week was my nanny boys b-day, we had a while party planned for him and then he ended up throwing up and going home. DD1 started swimming lessons. At Jewish camp, she will take a swimming test and so we want her to be prepared!

and I finally feel like i can sit down and breathe! The last few weeks its been crazy around here!!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 20th, 2017, 01:29 AM   17149
Angelique76
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 71
Hi ladies, I hope that everyone is well today.

I had my appointment with my OBGyn. What an awesome doctor! He is so happy to share information with us. He explained everything to us. Unfortunately, there is a small polyp that must be removed. It will be removed in June. He says it's nothing to worry about.

So, he says that I most likely have sticky blood. I was diagnosed with insulin resitance after dd was born. He says compounded with High blood pressure he is almost certain that I have it. Apparently it is easily treated. He will be running loads of blood tests when I am in hospital to confirm. So ttc a bit delayed. He said it's not a train smash if we do conceive before then, but it's best to wait. He wants to put us in a position where he knows what's happening in my body and how to best avoid another mc. So, no December baby for us. But we are happy to do what he tells us to do. He can never guarantee 100% that we won't mc again, but if there are measures we can put in place to avoid it as best possible, then we will do it. The heartache of another loss will be very difficult.

We are just so happy that he explained everything to us. That with multiple mc it isn't likely that it was a chromosomal issue and that he feels confident that he will get us there.

Anyway, my input for the day. I always hope that reading other peoples stories and sharing my own will help.

I hope that you all have a lovely day.

Beth, I hope that you are doing well today.

OneEarth - I am praying that things work out for you soon.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 20th, 2017, 22:41 PM   17150
OnErth&InHvn
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,298
totally randomly today, i decided to get another tattoo. I go Friday.

I emailed a shop and asked for a price on what i want and told him. He told me it was "cute" and would "wear off in time". I guess he wont be getting my business then!!

I want DH to write " Mine" in his handwriting and then get it on my right forearm.
I already have "Be Still" on my left wrist. It hasnt lost any meaning in the years i have had it.

Whats more weird to hear? " I have Be Still because i heard God tell me" or " I have Mine because I wholly belong to my husband?"



 
Status: Offline
 

SEO by vBSEO