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Old Jun 13th, 2018, 07:16 AM   1
Always wanted
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Wanted a baby for many decades

Hi everyone,

For years I've wanted a baby and after many bad relationships, a death of a partner, I finally met a man later in life (when I was 39 years old back in 2009). However he wasn't ready for a child and at that time, I had large fibroids which needed fast forward another nine years and here I am. The man I met (and married) decided to start trying 5 years ago, despite me still having some fibroids and the specialists telling me I will never fall pregnant as my egg count was lower than people my age, we beat the odds and fell pregnant last year. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I'd ever see those two lines and as I was so surprised, I bought many packets to back it up...I took 5 tests and all were positive! We went to the doctors for my blood test results, I think my husband was going to faint because of the positive news! I thought it was never going to happen then one day I miscarried. To say I was devastated was an understatement as I thought this was my one and only chance.

Then recently....on the 3rd June 2018 I ovulated and we did the deed. I never thought much about it until a couple of days ago when I felt the same/similar symptoms of my previous pregnancy. These symptoms were slightly different in the fact of:

In my first pregnancy, my boobs were very heavy (my boobs are a 14GG without pregnancy) and taking off my bra really hurt! My nipples were very sore to touch and itchy, I felt tired (more so than usual) and I felt dizzy like a very bad brain fog. My boss use to tease me for my brain fogg (at times very mean in fact). Then all my symptoms left just a few hours when I miscarried. I also had mild cramping just before mc and happen to have a doctors appointment set up that night (of mc) to get more blood test results. The doctor ordered me to the hospital immediately as he said the baby isn't growing as much as it should. When I miscarried, I wanted to see the baby as luck would have it (much jest implied), I miscarried on a Saturday night so there were no decent ultrasound equipment at the hospital available that night. So I didn't see the baby on the ultrasound and the nurses were saying it could be an empty sac (my baby had stopped growing at 5 1/2 weeks.) So when I miscarried, I saw the placenta fall out and I cut it open to see my baby. I could see the little head, body, and little eyes and hands starting to form. The baby was definitely not a chemical pregnancy. Seeing the baby upset me more.

However recently: I was convinced I was pregnant, my uterus changed direction (also in my previous pregnancy), I had mild cramps 8-9dpo along with sharp short pains in the right of my uterus. I also have bloatedness (like the previous pregnancy). My sense of smell is usually bad but yesterday I could smell things when I was shopping and I was many aisles away from what I could smell. My boobs (although not sore like the first pregnancy have been very sensitive including nipples - this is unlike when I normally approach AF), I have felt the 'brain fogg' and absolute extreme tiredness (more tired than the first pregnancy) however today most of the symptoms have gone and I've taken a test this morning with a bfn. Tonight I sobbed so much as I was so hoping this was another pregnancy. I'm 10dpo and I know it is too early but with nearly all these pregnancy symptoms gone today, I'm scared I've lost this one too....

I know people judge and say people like me are too old and selfish but to me I still have so much love to give and yet I see some younger people than me (fortunately a minority) who are themselves selfish to their kids by beating, abusing and neglecting their own children and yet you and I are all just wanting so much for this miracle of life. This upsets me so much Baby dust to you all because you will all be great mothers x

I apologize if this is too much information, just pouring my heart out and hoping...just one more time

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Old Jun 13th, 2018, 08:08 AM   2
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 1,491
Sending huge hugs I have everything crossed and you ovulated on my birthday so I'm hoping my birthday brings you luck xxxxx

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Old Jun 14th, 2018, 06:14 AM   3
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 612
Definitely have my fingers crossed for you! Let us know because those symptoms do sound promising!

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Old Jun 24th, 2018, 14:46 PM   4
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 54
I know one thing. You are NOT selfish! To think about having a baby and to be ready to sacrifice your peace of mind and to spend countless sleepless nights, this attitude screams love and kindness. My advice to you: do not pay much attention to what people may say or do say. Just follow your gut no matter what. And finally, I hope you have a little sticky bean reaaaal soon )

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Old Jun 25th, 2018, 05:17 AM   5
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,699
People will always have an opinion no matter what ! My take on it is mind your own damn business !

I am sure any child you have will be well
Loved , cared for and protected. I really hope you get your chance.

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