Forum Rules


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old May 15th, 2012, 01:17 AM   1
youngone
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 239

psychological reason why i want a baby so much??


maybe someone is in the same boat? if so id really like to hear from you I can't be the only one who feel like this

long story short- I'm not close with my family (except my mum) and I don't have maybe 2 people I would class as real friends-that live a plane ride away. My siblings all hate each other so much. My dad left us when i was little and my mum wasn't there.

---My life is amazing though- I'm truly blessed. The only person I have is my OH (besides my mum)- but thats enough. Some people don't even have one---

my point is: I was thinking that my intense desire for having a baby may be because I want more love? and to give someone mine. that maybe I'm lonely and i want to give a child the kind of up bring i wish i had? I feel like I have so much love to give but no one to give it to on that kind of level?

i don't think its a good or a bad thing. Im not going to have a child just because of this obviously- I'm just thinking out loud.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 15th, 2012, 04:02 AM   2
MindUtopia
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dorset, UK
Posts: 9,576
Just wanted to say that I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing in and of itself, as long as it's not the only reason you want to have a child. I think most women would say that one of the reasons they wanted to have children was because they wanted someone else to love them, but it shouldn't be a substitute for other sources of love and support if that is what you actually want and need. If you had more of a family support system or more close friends nearby, would you still want a baby? I think that's an important question to ask yourself.

I'm in a similar boat in that I don't have a relationship with anyone in my biological family other than my mom (and that is tenuous at best!). All my close relatives have now passed away, I was an only child, and all my other distant relatives I just never knew growing up and never had a relationship with. I also moved far away from my close friends (they live in the U.S. so it's a 6-10 hour flight away to see them, so it doesn't happen often). Certainly, this has played a part in our decision to have a family sooner rather than later because I do feel a need to have 'family' in my life who are related to me by blood (though my husband's family is wonderful). And realistically, having a child opens up whole new opportunities for meeting other parents and making new friends locally, and I do certainly feel starved at the moment for nearby friends. Of course, this isn't the only reason we are wanting a child (simply wanted to be parents and my 30-something uterus are main reasons), but I'd be lying if I didn't say those reasons didn't play into our decision to not wait any longer. But I think that whether you are in a long-term stable relationship, with stable finances, and emotional maturity and readiness for a child should still be the most important things to consider when deciding if the time is right for you - the psychological benefits are just icing on the cake, so to speak.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 15th, 2012, 11:14 AM   3
M3LL
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 136
Hi

Didn't want to read & run. But totally agree with what MindUtopia says. I've noticed reading a few threads - she does give some excellent advice :-)

xxx



Status: Offline
 
Old May 16th, 2012, 14:39 PM   4
Amazeballs
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Malawi, Africa
Posts: 352
It sounds like you've got a lot of love to give and from the sounds of things I think you will be such a loving and caring mum!!!

Perhaps your family background could have an influence on you really wanting to have a baby so that you can spread more love, but if you know deep down in your heart that you really want a baby (not just to cover up the wound of your past and not just because you are lonely) then I think you should definitely consider starting a family soon.

Maybe chat to your mom and your OH about your intense desires to have a baby and get their opinions on the matter. Or even consider chatting to a psychologist if you still feel a bit lost to get an objective point of view on the matter.

I think that if you and your OH are seriously ready to have a baby (psychologically, emotionally and financially), then go for it!

xxx



Status: Offline
 
Old May 17th, 2012, 00:21 AM   5
youngone
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 239
Quote:
Originally Posted by MindUtopia View Post
Just wanted to say that I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing in and of itself, as long as it's not the only reason you want to have a child. I think most women would say that one of the reasons they wanted to have children was because they wanted someone else to love them, but it shouldn't be a substitute for other sources of love and support if that is what you actually want and need. If you had more of a family support system or more close friends nearby, would you still want a baby? I think that's an important question to ask yourself.

I'm in a similar boat in that I don't have a relationship with anyone in my biological family other than my mom (and that is tenuous at best!). All my close relatives have now passed away, I was an only child, and all my other distant relatives I just never knew growing up and never had a relationship with. I also moved far away from my close friends (they live in the U.S. so it's a 6-10 hour flight away to see them, so it doesn't happen often). Certainly, this has played a part in our decision to have a family sooner rather than later because I do feel a need to have 'family' in my life who are related to me by blood (though my husband's family is wonderful). And realistically, having a child opens up whole new opportunities for meeting other parents and making new friends locally, and I do certainly feel starved at the moment for nearby friends. Of course, this isn't the only reason we are wanting a child (simply wanted to be parents and my 30-something uterus are main reasons), but I'd be lying if I didn't say those reasons didn't play into our decision to not wait any longer. But I think that whether you are in a long-term stable relationship, with stable finances, and emotional maturity and readiness for a child should still be the most important things to consider when deciding if the time is right for you - the psychological benefits are just icing on the cake, so to speak.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amazeballs View Post
It sounds like you've got a lot of love to give and from the sounds of things I think you will be such a loving and caring mum!!!

Perhaps your family background could have an influence on you really wanting to have a baby so that you can spread more love, but if you know deep down in your heart that you really want a baby (not just to cover up the wound of your past and not just because you are lonely) then I think you should definitely consider starting a family soon.

Maybe chat to your mom and your OH about your intense desires to have a baby and get their opinions on the matter. Or even consider chatting to a psychologist if you still feel a bit lost to get an objective point of view on the matter.

I think that if you and your OH are seriously ready to have a baby (psychologically, emotionally and financially), then go for it!

xxx
Thanks to everyone who replied! i appreciate it very much!

Amazeballs- thank you for being so nice I have definitely voiced my opinions to OH, he's 100% with me which is amazing! although.. he always agrees with me no matter what my ideas are -even if they are crazy- so sometimes I worry that he's just trying to go along with everything to make me happy- I don't want him regretting anything along the road... it's hard to tell.

as for my mother- I could probably never talk to her about this- she's VERY career driven and had a family young so in her eyes I should wait till the last minute to have kids, do everything i can first, but I already feel like I've done the majority of it- i've traveled the world twice and will have my degree so what else is there!!?? haha. although in saying that she would 100%support me IF i was pregnant.

The wait is horrible. so much love wasted!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 17th, 2012, 17:26 PM   6
Elpis_x
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 943
Hi, I'm not really in the same situation myself as I have quite a large and loving family. But my mum grew up with an abusive father (slightly different than yours, I know), and she started having children when she was quite young, which she once confided in me was she wanted to give something love and have it love her back. I certainly don't think it's a bad reason at all! Provided you're able to provide for the baby My mother is a wonderful mum who has such unconditional love for me and my siblings. It sounds like you'll make a great mum



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 19th, 2012, 23:31 PM   7
youngone
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 239
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elpis_x View Post
Hi, I'm not really in the same situation myself as I have quite a large and loving family. But my mum grew up with an abusive father (slightly different than yours, I know), and she started having children when she was quite young, which she once confided in me was she wanted to give something love and have it love her back. I certainly don't think it's a bad reason at all! Provided you're able to provide for the baby My mother is a wonderful mum who has such unconditional love for me and my siblings. It sounds like you'll make a great mum
thats definitely how I feel! I can understand your mothers reasoning completely. in 1.5 years we will be able to 100% provide for a baby (thats when we buy our house etc). its just such a long wait. sometimes i get emotional and cry when i see babies on the street etc.. so stupid i know. but i truly feel that I'm wasting a lot of love waiting. i guess thats how a lot of women here feel.

it would be terrible not getting my mums support though... i care WAY too much about what she thinks of me.

thank you for replying
xx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 21st, 2012, 02:27 AM   8
Ambzie
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 25
Hi Youngone, i just posted on your journal, so weird to read your posts because this is exactly how i feel!!! haha! I have got soooooo much love its insane LOL and i know how u feel about the family thing-i was an only child,didnt have many friends and my father and mother drank alot and my father was abusive towards my mother for 13 years of my life-i was very close to my mom-then 6 years ago-just after i met my OH-she had a stroke and unfortunately still is disabled-i still am very angry(at who,i dont know)because my relationship with my mom is practically over-shes changed alot and i cant talk to her anymore but like you said-you have got ur OH and so do i and thats all i need BUT I WANT A BABY SO BADLY!! That feeling of having YOUR OWN child to love and care for and teach things and for this person you created to love u back-always and unconditionally!! Trust me, i know what you are going through!!! I Hope our wish comes true very soon!!!



Status: Offline
 
Old May 24th, 2012, 00:26 AM   9
9jawife
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eastern United States
Posts: 973
I feel the same way. I've felt lonely my whole life--major depression and a neglectful childhood-and I've felt like having a baby to love and care for will make me feel like I'm not alone anymore.



 
Status: Offline
 

SEO by vBSEO