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Old May 17th, 2012, 14:23 PM   1
jessicasmum
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Big age gap between children, everyones views and reasons for having the age gap


Hello

I have a daughter who is 7 in 2 months time and me and hubby are thinking of having another in anything from a years time ttc or up to 3 years time, so the age gap between the 2 children will be 8 years/9 years/10 years.
we would of liked it ideally to be less of a gap around 5 years we were hoping but because of medical reasons that just hasnt been possible.

what are other people's thoughts on big age gaps? what good and bad points are there to having a big gap? what are your reasons for having the age gap?

thanks for reading, look forward to hearing from you all

Heather



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Old May 17th, 2012, 14:46 PM   2
comotion89
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well I don't have kids but I would like a 2,3 year age gap between kids so ideally wed likeabit kids to be 2,5,8,10 year old when we're done. my mum had a big age Gap with some of us my eldest sister is 48, then my brother is 38 my sis is 37 and im 23 the problems with that was we didn't really bond well as we were all at different stages of life I mean when I was born my eldest sister had 4 kids already but it's what I'm used to i do get along with my other sister now we can relate to some things don't have a relationship with my eldest sister or brother but they also live abroad too



 
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Old May 17th, 2012, 18:25 PM   3
HappilyMrs
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I have a very similar situation. My son is 6 years old. We don't plan on TTC until 2013 meaning he will be 7 by the time we start trying and will be 8 just a few months after we start. This is a huge gap to me. I grew up with my sister that was 2 years older and a sister that didn't live with me that was 7 years older. I grew up very close to my oldest sister(even though she lived in a different state). I however was not close with my sister that is only 2 years older and still am not. I think it all depends on how you raise them if they will be close or not. I am too nervous that my LO and future LO won't be close. But I remind myself that their is nothing I can do about that, even if I got preggo now they will still be at least 7 years apart. I think their is no reason to worry yourself about it since you can't change it. Its all about how you raise them. Make sure they are involved in eachother's lives as much as possible, but still let them be individuals. Are you planning on having just one more?



 
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Old May 18th, 2012, 00:20 AM   4
OmiOmen
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I have two sisters, one is 7 years older than me and we have never gotten along well and my other sister is 10 years older than me and we have always gotten along really well. because my older sister was 10 when I was born she liked to help out which is probably a pro from a parents point of view and the bigger the gap the less likely there is to be jealousy. As the youngest I have to say that I liked the fact there was quite a big gap and am not sure that I would have liked a smaller one.

I have a 2 year old and my husband keeps going from wanting a second to not but I like the idea of a few years between them. That way you get the tough toddler years done with before having to look after a little baby too and you can explain things to help make sure they understand there is no need for jealousy.



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Old May 18th, 2012, 09:00 AM   5
Pandora11
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I have a younger brother, close in age and we never got along and my OH and his sister again close in age and they don't get along. I think many people have kids close in age hoping they will be very close but i don't think always happens, no matter how much you want it. I don't actually know anyone with a close age gap that has a good relationship( even though of course it happens, i just don't know anyone.) I have half nephews that literally beat the crap out of each other, have always competed for attention, were jealous of each other and never had a close relationship and now as twenty somethings, live an ocean apart and don't even speak.

I personally want an at least 4 year age gap. As a child i always wished for an older brother/sister to lookout for me like my friends had. I want my kids to have that, and a sort of go between if they needed to talk to someone but weren't comfortable with speaking to us. Someone they can relate to more but accept advice and guidance, plus the older one would need a different amount of attention and they could help out. But a big thing, 4 or so years will help financially when it comes to education, helping with deposits, cars etc etc



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Old May 18th, 2012, 09:15 AM   6
I Love Lucy
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I don't plan to have a large age gap when OH and I start having children. The reason being is I've seen how the large age gap makes it a bit harder for siblings to bond. OH is the third child of 4 and because the age gap between the youngest and the oldest is 10 years they're really not close at all. The two oldest kind of paired up and my OH and the youngest paired up simply because they had more in common. On my side, I have one sister who is 2 years younger and since we were often interested in the same things, it was really nice having someone to play with.



 
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Old May 18th, 2012, 16:54 PM   7
PinkEmily
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I have a 10 year age gap between one of my brothers and 7 year age gap between my other one. My oldest brother just ignored me when i was younger, i wasn't 'cool'. My mum thinks he was probably upset that he was away when i was born (on a school trip) but my younger brother adored me. He was very much a protective brother and had a lot of patience for me. I did used to wish that there wasn't such a big age gap between us but thats just how things worked out. I ideally want 3 children, i have a feeling that i will end up doing the same as my mum and dad, have 2 kids then wait a while for a 3rd because i want to work full time once my 2nd LO goes to school.



 
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Old May 19th, 2012, 01:09 AM   8
goddess25
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I think if its right for you and your family then its the right thing to do.

My brother and I have 3.5 years apart and I love him to death now but hated when I was younger.

I know people say that if you have them closer together then they will be closer... My 2 are 2 years apart and dont get on at all. I am planning another 2 years apart from my youngest, I would wait longer given the choice but I am already 38.



 
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Old May 19th, 2012, 01:25 AM   9
Creative
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My boys were 8 and 6 when their little sister was born and it's been fine.
Yes, they have a different relationship than they would if there was only a couple of years between them, but it's different, not bad!
I just lost a surprise baby and the children are now 18, 20 and 12 and again the relationship they would have had with the baby would have been different again.
I'm currently TTC with the blessing of all my children and the age group will be vast, but each family is a different shape and size, there are no rights and wrongs and the love and security each child feels is what will make the family work.
Just go for it and be a strong and loving family!



 
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Old May 19th, 2012, 11:38 AM   10
lozzy21
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I'm aiming for a 4 year age gap, we want to give Niamh and the next baby quality time with us. I couldent give Niamh quality time while pregnant if the next pregnancy is anything like the last and I couldent give the new baby quality time while running around after a toddler.

My siblings are 3,8,9 and 19 years younger than me and I get on better with the younger two so being closer in age hasent got much to do with if they are close later on in life.



 
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