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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:10 PM   31
Pearls18
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Originally Posted by MarineWAG View Post
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There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with formula feeding to me. I watched my twin sister breast feed her first baby for six months and to be honest it made the first few months with her baby an unhappy slog in many ways. She never stopped feeling nauseus and it would have done her great deal of emotional good to be able to split the work of feeding more evenly between her and her husband. She is now pregnant again and trying to decide how long she will try to breast feed this time. In my opinion, she (and anyone else) should do whatever makes it possible to have the happiest initial few months with their baby as they can. From what she has told me, the health differences between bf and ff are there, but small, and I don't think that always outweighs the psychological health of the mom, whatever the reason is that bf puts a solid dark cloud above her head.
I completely disagree, I believe the baby's health is a lot more important that the mother's happiness. I hated breastfeeding, it hurt, I was shattered, I hated how I felt LO only wanted me for milk, but it doesn't matter what I felt I set him up for life with my milk. I think people should properly study the benefits of breast milk over formula before throwing around comments like 'I was fine' 'makes no difference' 'no difference by the age if 5'. If people actually studied the differences people would realise this is a matter of health. I will do exactly the same for the next baby, I wont begrudge a few months discomfort for health benefits that will stay will my son FOR LIFE. I have to this because I am a mother. I hate the way people assume because I BF for 9 months it was easy for me, it wasn't but I persevered, I honestly think BF dramatically altered my psychological health in a bad way for a short term, but I will do it all again because it isn't about me, there is no choice, formula is not an option it is a fall back if things go wrong, that's what it should be anyway and I believe everyone would realise this if they actually looked at what BM does.

Good on your sister she's sounds an incredible mum. You need to study about BM, the differences are not small, in some cases the difference between the two is life or death- no exaggeration so please look at it first before going off what others say.
Totally respect your decision, but I think everyone has the right to decide based on their own factors. Personally a healthy mum is more able to look after her baby....and that's what I prioritised. I can totally see where you're coming from - as you say from a biological POV our job as a mother is to feed and nurture our children, but in my view this is what I have done by providing food for my children.

Hats off to your for persevering though - I know a lot of women who haven't been able to do it so it really is an achievement to be proud of.
In my first post I did say women who were emotionally and medically able as I understand it is incredibly emotionally draining that not everybody has the mental health to do, so I'm not saying baby has to come above everything, I would say I had mild PND (not diagnosed) that was probably exasperated by BF but not to the point I should have stopped, in my case my happiness didn't need to come first but for the sake of health for others it does and I understand that.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:10 PM   32
LegoHouse
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I have psychological issues with breastfeeding. My son isn't gaining weight very well, and if they diagnose him with failure to thrive and I have to give him formula I will feel like a failure because people like MYSELF go around telling people that breast is best all the time. I do think breast is best. I do think if I have to give my son formula I will feel like a pile of crap. But I don't want anyone else to feel like that. I want people to feel like they have a choice, and they can make their own decisions without someone typing them down everywhere they look. Honestly until you have been in a position where you need to get off your high horse and think that in some cases formula is actually better for the baby then you have no idea.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:10 PM   33
staralfur
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I've already said that I think everyone should give it a chance (unless you're on medication or something like the OP), and I 100% stand by that. I remember reading posts in third tri where ladies weren't even breastfeeding ONCE, not even for colostrum, because they just didn't want to. And that actually makes me a bit upset...but ultimately, it's got nothing to do with me.

I do somewhat disagree with continuing breastfeeding if it makes the mother miserable. I know that some ladies get severely depressed while struggling with breastfeeding and I don't believe it's worth practically killing yourself over.

Have I had an easy time breastfeeding? Not even close. But I was always mentally stable and knew that I could make it through. That's not the case for everyone, and I do think that if it reaches a point where their relationship with their baby is going to suffer, that formula is a decent alternative.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:10 PM   34
Amygdala
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MarineWAG, I understand your reasons but I think you'll find people will get very defensive about choosing (or feeling they had to) FF. I agree that breastfeeding has great benefits and that the vast majority of women can if supported properly and if they're willing to stick with it through the tough times. But getting people riled up about it is only going to make the less likely to want to engage with the topic. As sad as it is, there's definitely an element of defiance against "best advice" nowadays because women can feel bullied into breastfeeding. You can't force people to see things your way, all you can do is give help when asked for it.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:15 PM   35
Pearls18
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If drilling the message of breast is best into the public means some people get fed up of it because it upsets them I'm sorry but that isn't my problem, I'd rather the message got out there to as many people as possible I don't think FF should be normalised any more than it is, if it hurts people that much don't go into threads like this. I'm sorry I'm not trying to upset anyone but I will never ever change my opinion or actions because I would like as many women to BF as possible.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:17 PM   36
LegoHouse
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So would I, but now I'm on the other side I realise the damage it does. I hope you never have to feel the same. Normalising breastfeeding by just doing it and not preaching is much more beneficial.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:18 PM   37
Pearls18
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Originally Posted by Amygdala View Post
MarineWAG, I understand your reasons but I think you'll find people will get very defensive about choosing (or feeling they had to) FF. I agree that breastfeeding has great benefits and that the vast majority of women can if supported properly and if they're willing to stick with it through the tough times. But getting people riled up about it is only going to make the less likely to want to engage with the topic. As sad as it is, there's definitely an element of defiance against "best advice" nowadays because women can feel bullied into breastfeeding. You can't force people to see things your way, all you can do is give help when asked for it.
This is true, it's just difficult when you are so passionate about something when it feels like others don't give a damn (not people here). I don't normally contribute to these threads anymore but feel WTT is the place to try and get the message across, but I obviously have the wrong approach.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:22 PM   38
Amygdala
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I'm with you on your goals but I don't think "drilling in the message" is going to achieve anything. People know that breast milk is best for baby. If you tell mothers that what they're doing is wrong and bad for their baby, they're going to shut off and stop listening. You need to be more subtle, and frankly more sensitive, to get that particular message across.
This isn't about knowing the facts. It's about changing a culture where formula is seen as the norm. You're fighting against decades of formula manufacturers' propaganda and societal pressure. You can't force people to change their beliefs, and you can't expect them to listen to your reasons if you alienate them by telling them they're wrong.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:28 PM   39
Pearls18
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Originally Posted by Amygdala View Post
I'm with you on your goals but I don't think "drilling in the message" is going to achieve anything. People know that breast milk is best for baby. If you tell mothers that what they're doing is wrong and bad for their baby, they're going to shut off and stop listening. You need to be more subtle, and frankly more sensitive, to get that particular message across.
This isn't about knowing the facts. It's about changing a culture where formula is seen as the norm. You're fighting against decades of formula manufacturers' propaganda and societal pressure. You can't force people to change their beliefs, and you can't expect them to listen to your reasons if you alienate them by telling them they're wrong.
Like I said I'm not trying to tell people what they are doing is wrong, I don't care if they have gone to FF that isn't who I'm preaching to, but as soon as you try and talk about BF people jump in and make it sound impossible, I understand they come from a good place and the full picture should be seen but wish people would think about the impact of what they say could have on someone making 'the choice'. Having said that I obviously need to be more mindful of what I say because while I am not aiming my posts at FFers I understand it can seem personal and harsh to them.



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Old Oct 29th, 2012, 15:34 PM   40
Amygdala
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BTW, I understand what you mean MarineWAG. I am damn proud of having managed over a year of breastfeeding after pretty much going to hell and back in the first few weeks. It is one of my proudest achievements as a mother, and as a person. And I get how upsetting it is to hear "formula is just as good", because it can sound like it's belittling your achievement, like people are saying "you silly woman, why ever would you bother?". They aren't though, and even if they were, it would take nothing away from you having given your child a great start. You know how much your hard work means and that's all that should matter, don't let others' points of view get you down.



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