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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 09:30 AM   1
xnewxmummyx
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any suggestions?


Hi ladies,

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I'm in need of a shoulder...

I had my daughter in February 2011, and for the past few months I have been overwhelmingly broody. It's all I think about. I've been with my partner for almost 12years now too. I had my implant removed back in June due to it making me very nauseous. I've told/argued/pleaded/begged my OH to try for another but he just says no, not yet, ignores me or gets angry.

He is braking my heart. I've tried to explain how I feel but he shows no compassion or interest. He says I need to treat him better first, but I can't help get upset, angry and frustrated with him because of this.

I really can't stop this consuming me. I fear I'm becoming obsessed but I only want 2 children and would like them close together.

Anyone got any advice on how to maybe make him change his mind?

Please help.



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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 10:02 AM   2
itsnowmyturn
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i wouldnt try to make him change his mind he will only resent it, when hes ready he will come round to the idea of it. Have a calm conversation with him, make time for each other, have cuddles on the sofa with a dvd on, just do nice things together.
He is right tho, a baby wont patch things up, be kind to him and listen to his thoughts and fears, and take them into consideration too, as much as us women think that wanting a baby is all about us, mens feelings matter as well.

Give him time, if he really wants another he will come round to it. talk things through

I hope he does change his mind and you get your second baby, dont worry about the age gap though, your kids will be best friends regardless xxx



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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 10:14 AM   3
xnewxmummyx
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thanks love.

I would talk about it, endlessly, but he clams up

I want this more than ever..

X



 
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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 10:24 AM   4
LadyPaleo
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I have to agree with the above. No matter how much you want it and it hurts not to have it's a joint decision and you both need to want it passionately or it's wrong. It will just affect your relationship negatively and possibly the child.

Focus on the family unit you have now. Not only quality time with you OH but with you LO too. Lots of happy times and affection will make you all feel better and potentially move you forward to a time when you're ready for the next step.

Good luck!



 
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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 10:40 AM   5
itsnowmyturn
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maybe he clams up because hes scared, how was your last pregnancy? was there anything that might make him scared in a next pregnancy?

Tell him to tell you how he feels, promise him you wont say a word or get angry, and stick to that promise, if he says something you dont like hearing stop and think, dont give him a reaction, it will only give him more reason not to open up to you. Show him that he can open up to you and you wont get mad at him, if you get angry at what he says you will drift apart. Some men just dont like opening up, my partner never does, iv been with him 3 years and he has never told me about his mum, his step mum told me she died of cancer, but he never ever speaks about it. He has never cried or shown fear in front of me, its just how he is. just show him you are happy with how your family is and every now and then hint you would like another but dont push him.

I wish you every luck but if he really doesnt want any more you have to decide just where you go from there, you have a lovely child xxx



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Old Jul 23rd, 2013, 12:38 PM   6
LovemyBubx
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I know EXACTLY how you feel

I've always wanted my first 2 children (i want 3) close together but our situation so far has stopped that, but now i feel ready & i feel we shouldn't wait any longer (my daughter is 4 in march!!)

So she will be at least about 4 1/2 if we tried now, def way too big of a gap for me already.


I have been going on & on & on at my OH for a few months, who seems to be exactly like your OH, i mention it he ignores me/walks out or just says 'i really don't want to talk about this right now' i get angry, upset, hurt cause i just cant understand why, i've asked him why he doesn't want to talk about it & he says he doesn't know which leads to huge arguments.

He has said that he's very happy how we are & likes it just being us although he would like another child at some point..but he has no idea when

I did have a moment where i thought maybe we should wait a bit (like he wants) but i have since changed my mind back & all i can think is how much i want a baby RIGHT NOW!

I've tried not talking about it to him for a while but i dont want him to start thinking that a new baby has been forgotton iykwim

I've tried making him change his mind, but he either starts a massive argument about it, or he says 'ok we will try when you want' then by morning he goes back on it, he basiclly lies to shut me up.

I think with my OH i'm just going to tell him, i want to stop using protection on xyz date giving him a bit of time to get mentally ready (hopefully) & we will just see what happens then.

I'm sorry ii have no advice for you, but your not alone



 
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Old Jul 24th, 2013, 03:13 AM   7
xnewxmummyx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itsnowmyturn View Post
maybe he clams up because hes scared, how was your last pregnancy? was there anything that might make him scared in a next pregnancy?

Tell him to tell you how he feels, promise him you wont say a word or get angry, and stick to that promise, if he says something you dont like hearing stop and think, dont give him a reaction, it will only give him more reason not to open up to you. Show him that he can open up to you and you wont get mad at him, if you get angry at what he says you will drift apart. Some men just dont like opening up, my partner never does, iv been with him 3 years and he has never told me about his mum, his step mum told me she died of cancer, but he never ever speaks about it. He has never cried or shown fear in front of me, its just how he is. just show him you are happy with how your family is and every now and then hint you would like another but dont push him.

I wish you every luck but if he really doesnt want any more you have to decide just where you go from there, you have a lovely child xxx
My first pregnancy was fine, perfect, from a medical point of view, so was the birth. However, I panicked the whole way through worrying about everything! Missed miscarriage was a huge worry & my DD hardly ever moved so I was in the hospital alot from 30+ weeks being monitored, so whether he was worried about that I don't know. He just isn't the talkative type and I've even suggested braking up if other children aren't in his future, because they certainly are in mine.

X



 
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Old Jul 24th, 2013, 03:17 AM   8
itsnowmyturn
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I think u need to give him a heads up say on xxx day when dd is in bed I wud like us to sit and have a serious talk about out future and put all our cards on the table and be open and honest about everything, I'm givin u notice so u can think about what you want to say. This talk needs to happen so we both no where we stand. Then sit with him, no shouting, no talking over each other no threats of leaving just listening to each others points and answering them.



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Old Jul 24th, 2013, 03:58 AM   9
Eleanor ace
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I agree with the above about setting a date to talk about your plans, giving him time to think about what he wants to say. I'd tell him that if he doesn't want to talk about it then then you will make an appointment for you to meet with a counsellor so that it's a neutral space-his choice.

It's important to know what his reservations are, and take a bit of time to properly address them. But if he won't talk to you he can't expect you to understand his view point!

Make sure you have what you want to say sorted in your mind, so that you can get everything you want to say out. Things like wanting a smaller age gap for your children, wanting to get the baby days/sleepless nights/limiting your freedom out of the way sooner, wanting to be that bit younger when the kids are out of home and you are able to take trips etc are very reasonable and he might have been so preoccupied with feeling pressured over having a baby that he hasn't considered the practicalities.



 
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