Forum Rules


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Oct 13th, 2009, 10:10 AM   31
Alexas Mommy
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,071
I just want to say first, you do sound very responsible and mature Secondly, I had my daughter (who was planned) when I was 20. I had been in a very good relationship with my OH for 6 years, give or take a few months. We had been living together a year-he was my everything, and I was so sure of my relationship with him, I would have tattooed his name on my face. (Okay, I'd never do that, but if you get my drift, that is how sure I was that we would be together forever!) Anyway, we planned our daughter, we decided that we were ready to settle as a family-I was never a partier, and he never was either. We decided when I had our daughter, I'd be a SAHM and he would provide for us. The whole pregnancy went great, we were both very excited. Alexa was born, and OH got Post Partum Depression This changed a lot for us. I knew I could not deal with his depression and a newborn, without getting depressed myself, so I ignored him, and dealt with my child. It sounds awful, but as I said, I didn't want to bring myself down. Things kept getting worse in our relationship. He never wanted to do things as a family, I was basically raising her on my own, just off his money. He didn't change diapers, and he didn't have the patience to feed her! I started falling out of love with him. He said some things he shouldn't have said, and it took a long time for me to forgive him. I knew it was the depression, but still, it seemed to me that he was being a slacker dad. In July of this year, I told him things were not working out, and he decided to move out. Everything went smoothly, he knew we had problems and we decided we would stay civil, not only for Alexa's sake, but because we'd been together for 8 years. Anyway, after he moved out, we decided to try working things ou, while living separate. Three months later, and we are still living separately. He agreed he'd change his ways, spend more time with Alexa, and so far things are going great. One day he will move back in, but for now, we just want to make sure our relationship is stable.


Anyway, I digress a bit, just wanted to tell a bit of my story. Do I think 20-21 is too young? Yes and No... I would not change Alexa for the world, I might have moved time forward a few years though. For me, it wasn't the partying, drinking etc, it's the getting to know yourself part. Also this is an age in life where you change a lot, and if you and your OH don't change at the same time, things can go badly. I'm not being negative, I'm just trying to show my realistic view on things. I decided back then, that I didn't want a career. i didn't think 'what happens if I end up a single mother?' I think everyone should have a back up plan. I now work full-time, at a job I love and plan to finish college and become a book keeper, so that I can support my daughter. My OH has a good job, and is soon getting a job where he will be making triple what he makes now, but even then, I would work at least part time, to have my own 'back-up plan'. Anyway, sorry, i ramble! LOL I think it is important to think not only about the partying and what not, but how it takes lots of extra time to go out with your kid, how it means you won't be able to go out with your friends much to hang out, or watch your tv show as peacefully as before and of course, understand that a child does a lot to even the best relationships...

All that being said, I must add that I likely wouldn't be at the job I am at, or be looking to furthur my career/education, had I not had Alexa. She has definitely opened my eyes, and helped me find myself.

Having a child is the most amazing thing in the world, so I say go for it in February, if you are as sure as you can be about it. You will only be the one to have your own experiences afterwards, and at any age there will be things that may or may not happen in your relationship, or personal life.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 13th, 2009, 10:57 AM   32
toffee87
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 3,383
You do sound to be very mature, you're aware that it will be costly and intend on funding it yourself, which says that you're really thinking about it. It always strikes me as immature when people have a child knowing some one else i.e their own parents, funds the child.Of course accidents do happen, I've not forgotten that.

Anyway, on to your question, if you feel that you're ready and that you won't be missing out on things-particularly in your r.ship, then go for it!

I don't think you need to reach a peak in your career, but ideally be on the right track, you sound to be sorted and on the career ladder.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 13th, 2009, 18:19 PM   33
Summerbee
Other
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wilts, UK
Posts: 439
Hun - I related to sooo much of your post!! Being 19/20 personally, and having suffered with depression even up until now I can really sympathise.

And guess what - I'm the bad girl of the family too!!

I don't think your too young. There are girls out there having children at 13 and turning out to be great mothers. I think it is all a question of whether or not you personally decide that you can handle it as a couple. Nobody can tell you when you are/aren't ready. I'm a model which means when we do have children, my career is going to take a long while to get back to where it is now. As such, I am cramming in about a million shoots over the next 5months before we TTC, but then again I would give it all up tommorow to have a family.

I worry about what my family would say. I think everyone would be really 'let down' or 'disappointed', which to be perfectly honest the idea brings me to tears. Everybody wants to be loved and accepted while they are pregnant, and everybody wants their families to love their expected LO, so it's a tough one to call.

Can't give you too many answers I'm afraid, can only say that I am in the same boat lol!!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 14th, 2009, 02:00 AM   34
kiles04
Pregnant (Expecting)
Inactive
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: melksham
Posts: 133
i dont think your too young im 21 in may and i have a baby already and pregnant with my 2nd x



Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 14th, 2009, 02:06 AM   35
ampersandme
Trying to conceive (TTC)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Summerbee View Post
Hun - I related to sooo much of your post!! Being 19/20 personally, and having suffered with depression even up until now I can really sympathise.

And guess what - I'm the bad girl of the family too!!

I don't think your too young. There are girls out there having children at 13 and turning out to be great mothers. I think it is all a question of whether or not you personally decide that you can handle it as a couple. Nobody can tell you when you are/aren't ready. I'm a model which means when we do have children, my career is going to take a long while to get back to where it is now. As such, I am cramming in about a million shoots over the next 5months before we TTC, but then again I would give it all up tommorow to have a family.

I worry about what my family would say. I think everyone would be really 'let down' or 'disappointed', which to be perfectly honest the idea brings me to tears. Everybody wants to be loved and accepted while they are pregnant, and everybody wants their families to love their expected LO, so it's a tough one to call.

Can't give you too many answers I'm afraid, can only say that I am in the same boat lol!!

Nice to know there's someone else in my boat!!! PM me if you ever feeling like chats



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
young

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



SEO by vBSEO