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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 00:28 AM   1
ampersandme
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Am I too young?


I'm 20 years old and my OH and I are seriously considering starting TTC early next year. I currently work two part time jobs and study child care, whilst he works full time. We are both making reasonable money, enough to get by and to save on the side, I am trying to save as much as I can at the moment. We have been together for 1 year and 3 months (approx) and have lived together for over 9 months, 7 months in our own apartment. I love him to death, he is amazing and has only changed my life for the better. I could not be luckier.
Recently my OH purchased a house, it hasnt been built yet but it begins construction next year, we are yet to decide whether we will rent it out or live there. Either way its VERY exciting for him/us.

The thing is I don't really see a reason for us NOT to have a baby now. We are financially stable, we are in a loving commited happy relationship (not to say we dont have our fair share of problems... but who doesnt). We are both mature and responsible, hard workers and love children. I work with Children and have much younger siblings, so I know the responsibilities involved (NOT CLAIMING TO KNOW WHAT BEING A MOTHER IS LIKE THOUGH...hahahaha) We arent overly interested in "partying" or "getting smashed". We generally prefer a night in with a movie, a glass of wine, cuddles on the couch and some take-away!

I am just so damn broody, all I want in my life is a loving happy family. Someone to love and to care for..
I do still go out clubbing and drinking occasionally, but honestly... it's never my priority, its just something to do every now and then and a chance to see friends and let off some steam. But its not something I would miss.

In my life my OH and the thought of having a child are the only two things that have ever really stuck with me.. I'm always changing career ideas etc. But this ... has just stuck. I know its something I want more than ANYTHING.
I have never wanted to travel, or have a glitzy career.... Really, the only reason I am studying child care, apart from it being a career I know I could continue to work in happily into the future, is so I know more about children and how to look after them.
All I've ever wanted in my life is too be happy. I've suffered with depression/anxiety in the past and was even once hospitalized as a teenager. But since I have met my OH, haven't had a problem with it. I know all I want is to be happy, have people love me and love the people around me and have a stable, comfortable, happy life. I want to be able to give a child the chance to come into this world with people who love them regardless and provide them with the best chances and oppurtunities I can.
I'm worried I'm stupid and just convincing myself I can handle a child, but then I'm also so sure of myself. I think the only reason I'm "scared" is because I am soo afraid of what my family will think. I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy, not have been worrying about me, stressing and giving me a hard time. I want people to be excited about me and my OH having a child and be supportive and happy during my pregnancy. Because I know we are more than capable...I'm just scared my family wont believe in me.. (they never really have, I've always been the "problem" child...)

I also do worry about Money, my OH doesnt want me to work if we have a baby, which makes me worry about not having enough money. Although I know there are pensions out there I can go on etc. Although I do not want to rely on my family for money.

I know this thread is hardly an insite into our situation and its hard to judge someone from what they write down on a website, especially since I can choose to edit out the parts of my life/personality etc that I want to hide. But from what you've read.. do I sound too young? Do I sound stupid? Am I kidding myself? Am I being selfish? I know I have no idea what will be ahead of me.... I know it will be the hardest thing ever... I just feel like I have so much love to give.. I feel like this what I was meant to do with my life.

So heres my questions to you;

Is 20/21 too young to have a child (in your opinion)?

And for mothers around my age...
Do you wished you had waited longer?



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 00:51 AM   2
mrsadair
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absolutely not... as long as you're prepared and you both want it, why not?



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 00:56 AM   3
ampersandme
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Also, thankyou to anyone who actually bothers to read all that... gee I can ramble.



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 00:57 AM   4
nightkd
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I think it's really down to your feelings, I'm 19 and we started TTC and got pregnant first cycle, I was expecting to have a couple of months to adjust to the fact that we were trying for a baby before we got pregnant (iykwim) it wasn't a shock, but it was still a surprise!!

I've been married to my hubby for 3 months, we met in 2006 on the internet, I was in the UK, he in the US... I came over to meet him for the first time in person in April 2009. So as you can see we move fast...it just feels right for us. We have our own apartment, enough money and the same desires in life - we're family orientated.

I have to admit, when I got the positive at 3am on Friday morning...I freaked a bit... I suddenly thought "OMG! Am I ready to be a mum?! This is IT. Ahhhhh!!!" (basically) but now I am SO cool... It just feels great. But I think a very important part to feeling ready is being completely comfortable with your partner, you don't want to have fears about being left alone or drifting apart...etc....and you don't want to feel financially strained!!

xx



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:16 AM   5
ampersandme
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightkd View Post
I think it's really down to your feelings, I'm 19 and we started TTC and got pregnant first cycle, I was expecting to have a couple of months to adjust to the fact that we were trying for a baby before we got pregnant (iykwim) it wasn't a shock, but it was still a surprise!!

I've been married to my hubby for 3 months, we met in 2006 on the internet, I was in the UK, he in the US... I came over to meet him for the first time in person in April 2009. So as you can see we move fast...it just feels right for us. We have our own apartment, enough money and the same desires in life - we're family orientated.

I have to admit, when I got the positive at 3am on Friday morning...I freaked a bit... I suddenly thought "OMG! Am I ready to be a mum?! This is IT. Ahhhhh!!!" (basically) but now I am SO cool... It just feels great. But I think a very important part to feeling ready is being completely comfortable with your partner, you don't want to have fears about being left alone or drifting apart...etc....and you don't want to feel financially strained!!

xx
Congrats to you and your OH on the BFP!!

I have no doubts about me and my OH what so ever, there is no way I would be left alone etc. He's my best friend and is absoloutley wonderful and completely family oriented. I'm so lucky

I guess my concerns are what other people will think/stress on my family as well as possible financial strain... Although I'm known to be a bit of a worry-wart about money, generally when there is nothing to worry about.

I know I would also have a job offer I could work even with a baby, if I could round up a babysitter 2 days of the week..hehe (I'm so sure that is much easier said than done! Although OH's mother doesnt work.......)



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:16 AM   6
xLisax
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I was basically 20 when I had Max (a bit younger, had him in September, turned 20 in December) and it is hard work having a baby, but, I think this is true for whatever age you choose to have one. Its something completley new that youve never experienced.

I would never change the timing to which I had Max, I can honestly say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I was scared stupid when I was pregnant at how it would work, how we would support our family with only OH working, but as soon as he arrived it all just went I sound very soppy but its the only way I can think of to explain what I mean...

I think as long as you and OH are both in the same place and ready...go for it, age shouldnt matter

Hope this helps a little bit



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:28 AM   7
katycam
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Im 21 and i dont think its too young to have a baby, it is hard work whatever age.
You sound as though you are in the perfect situation so i say go for it



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:38 AM   8
ampersandme
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katycam View Post
Im 21 and i dont think its too young to have a baby, it is hard work whatever age.
You sound as though you are in the perfect situation so i say go for it
I wouldn't say its perfect.. financially things could be better. My OH has alot of debt, (mainly due to just purchasing a house!) But on top of that fines etc from his past. But honestly, it is nothing we can't work through!

Although financially I, personally, am in a VERY good position (as is my family, so it shouldnt be that much of a worry as there will always be someone there to help out, even though I'd MUCH rather do things on my own, ya know?). I have savings, investments and its tradition to my family to recieve a generous amount of money for our 21st Birthdays (although I shouldn't expect it and would never rely on it.)

Although, what I would say is alot more perfect (and important than money could ever be) is my relationship with my OH and how much we both want a child. How dedicated we are to one another and how serious we are about this... I know he will work his little bum off to save as much money as he can as soon as he sees that BFP.



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:44 AM   9
morri
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I Wouldnt see it as too young at all



 
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Old Oct 12th, 2009, 01:53 AM   10
ampersandme
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Maybe I'm not too young.... I'm just too scared! Hahhaa



 
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