Hey everyone! So my husband is currently deployed and we just received orders to Japan in the fall. We've had (short) discussions the last few months about TTC the end of the year/beginning of next year. I'm so excited but also so nervous! We have spent nearly our entire first year of marriage apart and as much as I want a baby, I'm afraid of the strain it might put on our marriage. My clock is ticking like mad and starting a family is all I can think about lately, but I also want to cherish and enjoy time alone with my husband. Anyone else in the same boat? Is it normal to be this nervous?
Yes it is completely normal! I had major nerves and cold feet suddenly and posted a thread on here and found out lotsssss of people have nerves and last minute panic!
I also worry about how it will affect our relationship. We are so unbelievably happy now I get nervous occasionally we might "ruin" that with a baby. But realistically I know we wont. I know a baby will make us more happy- although I am aware it will be tough and it will take a lot from us!
It is a big thing and after my cold feet thread I actually think now it is weirder not to be nervous than to be! You are thinking about embarking on the biggest life change ever. But don't forget to focus on the good parts-I have started watching announcement videos on youtube when my nerves kick in and that seems to put them a bit at bay!
I'm glad I'm not alone. It's becoming more real for me as the months pass that this is *really* going to happen. I've had a lot of experience with newborns and babies so I have a good idea on what life will be like, especially after watching my friends go through it. My husband hasn't a clue. We are so very happy and in a great place in our marriage. It breaks my heart when my friends tell me how hard their marriages have become since having a child and I think that's where a lot of my anxiety comes from.
I think it's normal to feel nervous. It will realistically put a (potentially huge) strain on your marriage and that really is normal. The key is making sure you're in a good strong place beforehand, which it seems like you are. I would also really focus on spending time together (when you are actually living in the same place) before baby. That doesn't mean you can't be trying, but I wouldn't probably be trying until I knew we had at least 9 months to a year together before the birth. My husband and I were in a somewhat similar place because we lived apart in two different countries for two years before we got married and then started to try. It was just that life took us away because of work. Because of immigration difficulties, I couldn't get him a work visa to move and live with me, and I would have had to give up my career and whole life if we'd not lived apart for a bit. So we spent two years living on opposite sides of the world until I could move to live with him again, then we got married and started trying about 7 months later. So we had about a year and a half together in one place living a normal life again before our daughter was born. We really made the most of that time, nights out, traveling, we backpacked through India for a bit, just tried to tick everything off the list that we knew would be hard to do once we became parents.
The reality is that it is hard. And your marriage will be tested in ways you never knew it could be. But if you love and support each other and you are realistic that it will be hard but just keep working together through it, you'll pop out the other side stronger. I think my husband and I had had about 2 arguments ever before we had our daughter! But there is something about being exhausted and seeing someone else head out the door to get the night off that you never seem to get and realising that they just dumped their dirty clothes in the middle of the bedroom that will ignite anger in you that you never knew you could feel for another person, even when your relationship is solid. But I think knowing that one day it will all be fine again is really important. It will never be the same and you will never get back what you have now. It will be different, but it will still be wonderful, just in a new way. Nearly all my friends have struggled tremendously having small children, but the only ones who didn't survive it intact were the ones who probably should never had been married and having children together anyway. If your relationship is solid, you will make it through, but I think expecting that things will change and be tough for a bit helps keep it all in perspective.
It's different chapter in life. Just make sure you do everything you feel you need to do in this chapter before you decide to move on to the next one. For us, I think that was really important. That and surround yourself with other couples who are also having their first child, through a birthing class or other support network. Their support will be invaluable.
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