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Old Aug 5th, 2017, 20:28 PM   1
Waiting To Try (WTT)
New BnB member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2

Baby Fever at 21

My man and I will soon be uni graduates and met early in our uni careers. A few months ago I was growing increasingly sure I was pregnant (an oopsie) but we both decided to wait it out as I've spent a lot of money on pregnancy tests and prevention in the past. Into the second month of being unsure I started bleeding a lot, cramping a lot and passed a rather large clot. Sure I was having a miscarriage, I called my family doctor just to find out she was on vacation for several weeks. I live in a small town with a VERY poor emergency medical centre and decided to try to get into another family doctor first. Eventually I had to go to the ER where the elderly male physician on-call took four hours to put me in a room and another hour to visit me. When I explained my concern he ran a pregnancy test and came back to say "if you were pregnant, you're not now. Many woman miscarry and never even know. You're young and fine, go home." I was devastated and relieved at the same time.

I was crushed and scared for my health but the doctor treated me like I was stupid for going to the ER in the first place and didn't touch on emotional well-being at all. It took several days if not weeks for me to process (during which time I spent a lot of time going back and forth trying to convince myself that maybe there was another explanation and trying to make peace with the fact that I'll never know).

This has all occurred within the last 4-5 months and I've grown more attached to the idea of having a baby. My partner and I are both in the same boat of thinking that if it happens it happens but it's not an ideal time now or in the near future. Ideally, I would love to have a career and be finished school, settled financially, a homeowner but my mind and body are craving this experience. I'm not being naive to think that it will all be easy, both of our parents struggled with poverty and children so we know the consequences of being unstable but realistically, within the next two years, things look stable enough to consider coming off bc and seeing what happens. We're both expected to have fertility problems and I'm expected to have trouble carrying so I don't want to be 26-30 trying for years with no result.

Clearly there is a lot on my brain and I guess I just want to hear other people's stories if they've struggled with anything similar or to hear some reassurance that I'm not crazy for these feelings. I come from a small town where marriage and children are common between 18-23 but obviously being in a university setting this is not the norm for many of our new friends. I don't really have anyone to relate to here and I'm hoping someone out there can.

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Old Aug 26th, 2017, 17:28 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Uk
Posts: 980
Hiya! So i was 20 when i fell pregnant with my first i am now 28 and have 4 children..previously to having my first i qualified as a hair dresser and worked full time. Obviously having to stop when i had the baby i did go back to work but doing care work instead of hairdressing anyway fastforward and now having 4 i am wanting to follow my passion and train to be a advice to you would be get your studies and qualifications out the way and save some money..babies arent expensive but they are as they get older and they want to do activities and school uniforms etc it gets very expensive. What i have found is if you wait for the 'ideal time' you wont ever have a baby! Once they are here you will do what you have to do. Its really only a decision that you and your partner can make. Do you have good family support? x

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