Forum Rules

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Aug 8th, 2017, 09:19 AM   1
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Coast, UK
Posts: 70

Getting close, Worried DH will change his mind

Hi Ladies
So Hubby and I had a checklist of things to do before we started TTC
1) Get married - check (last month)
2) Go on Honeymoon - check
3) Empty credit cards after wedding- check
4) Start saving - almost

We agreed to think about TTC in July but then realised it wasn't the right time and postponed until Nov by which time we would of started saving but I'm worried he is just going to put it off every time and not want to.
I know he is worried about money but I know we will be fine (he is the spender I'm the budgeter) and also that we will never have sex after which I have tried to reassure him but I have said stuff like that we will have to make an effort to make time for it after a baby but I also cant promise anything as I don't know what parenthood is like.

Anyone have any advice for me?

Status: Offline
Old Aug 8th, 2017, 09:48 AM   2
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,014
I dont have much advice money wise because that is what is postponing me and my oh too. Money will always be tighter when you add an extra mouth to feed, an extra person to clothe and also the nappies and wipes. But you make it work. Some parents have close to nothing and make it work...dont ask me how it just works itself out somehow.
In regards to does majorly decrease after baby is born. Me personally i found it so difficult to switch off from 'mum mode' to 'horny girlfriend mode' but it does come back. He just needs to be patient. It takes alot of perseverance and loving.
Me and my oh have postponed and i too worry he'll think money is too much of an issue and keep putting it off but he knows how much i want another baby and he too wants his first (hes not my first borns father).
I guess i just think whatever will be will be.
Hang in there chick xx

Status: Offline
Old Aug 9th, 2017, 16:41 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 58
I think the times got to be right for both of you

Is it genuinely just money that's worrying him? If so maybe draw up your incoming money and outgoing and roughly what it will be like with baby, taking into account mat pay etc
Re sex/your relationship, I don't think till you have a baby you can really understand how it'll affect you guys. Tiredness/priorities change etc. Talk to him. I think it's kinda not making him see where you're coming from but more understanding if and why he's got worries

Status: Offline
Old Aug 16th, 2017, 08:20 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 3,895
I won't lie, our sex life has suffered a little after kids but honestly after 5 years together I think it would have naturally anyway compared to the beginning of our relationship. We're okay with where we are on that front though and psychology experts say that you only need to have sex once a week to feel fulfilled in that regard. In short to answer your question no you won't have as much sex as you did in the honeymoon phase of your relationship but you will have sex again after baby.

My DS wasn't planned so I didn't have this worry with him but when we were WTT for my DD I was terrified that DH would change his mind and postpone it but he surprised me by TTC the first month we had on our timeline (we knew we needed to wait until at least June 2015 but weren't willing to wait longer than June 2016). He said that the timing felt right. If your DH says he isn't ready ask him to explain why in detail, he owes you at least that much. Once he tells you why see if you can alleviate his fears. I'm still working on my DH for #3 because he's also worried about money.

Status: Offline