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Old Nov 6th, 2017, 16:57 PM   11
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For me personally having children was a make or break situation. But I've always known from a very young age I wanted children so if he didn't a relationship would have been a no go for me.

I'd talk to him, I also find a lot of other peoples kids loud and obnoxious but when they're your own its totally different and nothing like baby sitting or being around other peoples kids.

Good luck to you

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Old Dec 24th, 2017, 05:42 AM   12
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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Hi, I can totally relate to this. I got married in 2013 when I was 21. Husband said after 5 years we would have kids... over the years I have had the worst baby fever and depression over wanting to start a family sooner rather than later. 5 years is approaching next year and now he is saying he hates kids and doesn't want any right now. (He also says he will have them in the future to avoid loosing me). Seems like the 5 year mark came too fast and now he is freaking out. My heart sinks every time someone announces a pregnancy and I've had two within the last 4 days! I can't offer any advice, only that I am in a similar boat

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Old Dec 24th, 2017, 11:05 AM   13
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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I'm glad this was the first thread I stumbled upon on this forum.

I'm in a similar situation. We're both almost 26, we need at least three months notice before we can start TTC because of some pills that he's on. I've been very open about children and how important they are to me, and thus far, I have waited for him and for us to be in a better place. We've been together 6 years, and there's no reason now why we shouldn't TTC, but he's so unsure of it. As much has he says 'do what you want' and 'I'm not bothered' I really don't want to push him, but at this point I'm not sure if he might need a little nudge.

People I've opened up to about this have always said that 'men are never ready till they hold the baby' and maybe thats going to be the same for him, but I mean it's a thin line to walk with something so important and life changing. He's not saying no any more like he used to, but he's not excited about it either, so I dont really know where to take it.

I'm sort of talking about us both stopping our pills in the new year, and I'm going to see how he reacts nearer the time, and see if he actually does willingly. But at this point im fully expecting to be in the WTT forums for quite a while.

I'm sorry I have no real advise, but the only bit of advice I can give you is to keep talking about it. I've spent a lot of time scared to bring up the topic, and I already regret not putting my foot down more about how I felt and how important it felt to me.

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Old Dec 27th, 2017, 22:26 PM   14
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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Thanks all for your support! Glad to know I haven't been the only one. A little bit has changed since I made this original post... It turns out that I have PCOS, which makes conceiving harder... My doctor put me on a birth control for treatment, but as it turns out, I'm in the minority who is still ovulating while on this birth control (at least that's what the OPK shows). After having a convo with my husband, he agrees: if it is meant to be, it'll happen! (And he's coming to terms with that.) So I'm staying on this birth control, but there is an increased chance for me that I can get pregnant while on it... Crossing fingers!

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Old Dec 29th, 2017, 15:41 PM   15
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That’s tough. I was with my highschool sweetheart for almost 8 years. When we were 16 we both wanted kids, but he changed his mind as he got “older” (like 17/18). I figured he’d change his mind again as we got older and more settled since he was always so good with his 4 year old twin siblings. We got pregnant at 19 on accident with my daughter, and he decided to stay and be the best dad he could be despite not wanting children. By the time she turned 3, he bailed because he was so depressed and hated being a father.

I’m not saying this to be a bummer or say that him changing his mind won’t happen. Just be really careful and have a serious talk (with a counselor if need be) about what you guys want for the future. If he’s set on no kids, and you’re set on wanting them, that can be so difficult on a marriage because someone has to “give in”.

My SO now has made it clear from the start that he wants children of his own, and I made sure we had that talk early on. He also loves my little girl and she adores him.

Again, I’m not saying that’s what will happen, but my ex wants nothing to do with our daughter and it really kills me to see her missing him so much, even 3 years after he left. I really, truly hope your story ends differently than mine and he comes around and ends up loving being a father if that’s what you guys chose to do.

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Old Dec 30th, 2017, 19:39 PM   16
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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I spent 13 years of my life in a relationship (that was also toxic for other reasons) with someone who was 200% against having children. I mostly thought I was okay with it. After we broke up, I realized it was something I really wanted, and luckily am now in a good relationship with someone who also wants that... but I am also now 35 and we aren't quiet ready yet.

It's hard, but please have a frank talk with him about exactly where things are or are not going, and decide where your priorities truly lie.

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dh , doesn't , hubby , husband , kids , pregnant

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